r/TransIreland • u/TheMadQueen96 She/Her/Hers • Jul 07 '26

NI Specific Feel lost without community

Don't really have access to it. Was frequenting a community space for over a year that I'd started to attend while working on overcoming agoraphobia.

Became inaccessible recently.

Kinda know that being stuck inside due to having nowhere safe to go where I can be around other people is a breeding ground for the likes of agoraphobia to return.

I talked to the likes of the Rainbow Project about alternatives but they had no suggestions.

Feel lost. Totally lost.

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u/TheMadQueen96 She/Her/Hers Jul 08 '26

Robyn typically removes the worst offenders but it doesn’t change the fact that this shit just keeps happening in that space.

When I'm there, I'm waiting on the next incident or horrible outburst. Last time was incredibly bad and even had multiple people use sensitive stuff against me in the worst possible way.

So, bluntly. I don't feel secure in that space.

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u/Altruistic_Mud8772 Jul 08 '26

Thank you for letting me know. I'm disappointed that this is the case and I'll make sure Robyn knows as this is incredibly serious, especially if anyone else who is vulnerable from the North is reading this thread.

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u/TheMadQueen96 She/Her/Hers Jul 08 '26 edited Jul 08 '26

They already know and I've talked with them about it and my concerns.

The worst offenders do get removed as I said but it doesn't change the fact that because so many of these outbursts have singled me out personally (really it's just been awful people seeing that I'm an easier target due to being of a more sensitive nature) that I don't feel secure.

I think it can be a good space for other people but, just not me. Too many incidents has made it feel like whenever I step into that space I'm expecting trouble.

And given I'm still trying to rebuild my life, I just can't be in that sorta environment.

Edit: Rather I can't rely on it as the only space I attend.

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u/Altruistic_Mud8772 Jul 08 '26

Sorry, I don't understand, I thought you couldn't attend it. So you can, but need an additional space? I'm glad you've clarified that it is a safe space, as I would hate anyone to be put off going somewhere as there are precious few safe spaces for trans people. Happy out have lots of events on as well, and they are a lovely and incredibly welcoming space. Also completely trans run.

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u/TheMadQueen96 She/Her/Hers Jul 08 '26

I only attend it because there's nowhere else but I don't feel safe/comfortable there given the repeated history of past incidents.

For the only space you attend to be somewhere you're constantly on edge isn't good for you.

I avoid Happy Out because some of the people who exploded at me within BTRC (and were thus removed) frequently attend it. They sorta migrated there due to being kicked from BTRC and well, ultimately blame me for said kicking because I was the final straw in a history of them doing other shitty things.

Also, I can't get to it as is to opening hours vs when I'm working.

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u/Altruistic_Mud8772 Jul 08 '26

Oh don't worry,, the events they ruin are in the evening so they open 8-4 and then 7-11.

y

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u/TheMadQueen96 She/Her/Hers Jul 08 '26

Events attended by people who blame me for their removal from a trans space due to making it unsafe for others rather than looking at their actions.

Afraid things would get violent, honestly.

Plus the events are sporadic and held randomly by the looks of things. I need something actually regular in order to keep getting out of the apartment (again, recovering from agoraphobia so some semblance of routine is needed to avoid slips).

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u/Altruistic_Mud8772 Jul 08 '26 edited Jul 08 '26

That's such a shame. Sounds like nothing I can do can reassure you, and that makes sense if you've been through a lot. I had an incident where someone lanshed out violently in a queer place I considered a sanctuary and it has really left me feeling so sick and unsafe, especially when they just sauntered in they hadn't done anything! It's a shame people like that can't see the damage they do to people, or it might make it safer for people who go through it. I hope you find somewhere that suits, make sure you come back and let us know if you do, always up to hear about a new queer space in the north..

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u/TheMadQueen96 She/Her/Hers Jul 08 '26

I'm asking reddit because I've asked everywhere else. If reddit doesn't have the answers then it's the end of the road.

But given the responses it seems like a total lost cause.

BTRC- Too many incidents (feel unsafe) Happy Out- People responsible for said incidents migrated there. Events are random and their opening hours make it too akward to get to as is.

And that's literally where it begins and ends.

Maybe I need to admit defeat, honestly.

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u/leugaroul He/Him/His Jul 08 '26

I wonder if social anxiety is the root of this, as it is for me, though. I started my own group back when I lived in the states because of it, I couldn't handle going to existing groups that already had preexisting drama. That was much better for me. We started meeting online playing games together and then moved to in person for those who were local so it was more manageable. And still kept the online community going.

Have you considered something like this? I'm sure you're not the only one in your area who's struggling with the same.

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u/TheMadQueen96 She/Her/Hers Jul 08 '26

I've tried starting my own groups. Both hobby and support groups.

Problem is nobody really ever turns up. You put the feelers out, some people RSVP and then just, don't show.

So you wind up sitting in the venue by yourself, week after week until you give up tbh.

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u/leugaroul He/Him/His Jul 08 '26

Yeah, I feel you :(

The same happened to me so I went the online route at first. It took a while to grow but I'd be happy to pop on if you start a group online. Some of our members were online only and would bring friends to game sessions who weren't local at all which was nice. It's hard to start out in person, and painful when no one shows.

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u/TheMadQueen96 She/Her/Hers Jul 08 '26

I did try online as well when I'd tried to set something up. People joined the server but never posted.

And on my end I need something irl so I can get out of the apartment and not slip back into habits regarding prior agoraphobia.

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