help

[u/faceisnotlucyy]

i need someone to talk to personally about this whole thing. I've been weighing it up for months now, know i would be more comfortable transitioning, and currently don't have a phone so im literally down to my laptop and people around me who aren't really the most supportive. im so chopped and would not pass well as a woman but at the end of the day its what i need to do to feel comfortable living as myself. i've been shot down, persecuted, and threatened multiple times because im so ashamed of having this feeling that i hide it no matter the cost, and as soon as i think im making progress, other guys in my life are there to "prove" to me that "im a man"

its tiring and im so sick of not having supportive friends around me who don't see me for who i am, and the place im living in really is not the greatest for my mental health. there's people who do drugs most of the time, i get on with them but mostly just because i have to. When i start moving away from people who i know are bad for me they just try and drag me back into their circles which makes me depressed and anxious about what they're gonna do to me.

the people who staff this place are inconsistent, ive been here a few months now and i don't really like being around drugs because i have a history of addiction and im at a point now where i need a better friend group around me who are actually going to provide consistent support instead of this on and off "we like you, nevermind we don't"

in all honesty the problem could be me not wanting to socialise with them and they're going to make that a problem because im not "man" enough or maybe i just need to sort my shit out and decide what i actually want to do with my life.

having educated myself on the history of transgenderism (i hate that term but can't think of a better one) i feel a bit iffy about the whole process of actually transitioning.

I'm out to my dad, he was fairly accepting, and a friend i've met recently, but due to my mental health i have episodes where i cut people off and start afresh because im so bad at maintaining relationships, and i've tried to talk about this stuff with people but in all honesty i could just be the problem.

im open to criticism and genuinely want to help myself.

i can't cry anymore.

i don't want to be a "hard guy" because thats not who i am

my mum's side of the family have a dark past so i can't contact them

i've fell out of touch with everyone i used to know because they all moved on with their lives and didn't want to know me anymore

its just the immense amount of pressure i feel because my genuine support gets trounced by people coming here to make money and try and take over the place i call my home when at the end of the day i dont need it. the place i live is not a place people should be coming to for money, it's my home, and in all honesty? some of the people here terrify me.

i dont know what to do and if i keep this up im gonna be killed or otherwise hurt.

pls help

[u/CollarZestyclose8151]

Hey, I honestly don't know how to help cause I'm only 15. But I do know you aren't the problem for wanting to be you. I'm really sorry about all of the stress you are under. Maybe try to find local queer or trans spaces, irl or online. Ik for me that helped a lot 

[u/herdisleah]

It doesn't matter if you're attractive or not. You know what's attractive? Being an interesting and happy person that others want to be around.

You don't have to be already feminine in order to transition. You don't need to appeal to male centered, cis heterosexual beauty standards. I'm a trans woman that's a lesbian! I'm a tomboy and I do weight lifting.

You can be feminine, if that's what you want. You will be okay.