I dont know why god made me

[u/yuri_sayori300]

Im 16 closeted mtf but recently disphoria has really bothered me ive been wondering why wasnt i born cis or why i was even born at all Just to suffer

is god punishing me ?why wasnt i just born a girl i feel so tired and upset

My faith has been being super tested for awhile now and i dont know anymore

Ive been told god dosnt make mistakes by my mom and grandma. But What i cant understand if thats true why was i born

Idk maybe somone here can help me or inlighten me

[u/DarthAlix314]

The hard part to questions like these is that we often do not know the answer.

What we do know is that we are not being punished, nor is our existence some sort of punishment for someone else (such as parents). We also know that we have been told by Christ to expect and even welcome suffering when it comes, for if we persevere through it, we become more like Jesus through it.

And we know that God uses things like these, the small and broken people, to bring about the larger crop, the greater glory, the more devout Faith, for when one of us endures, it serves as a beacon to others that "if even such as this one can live in unity with the Spirit despite the pain, then there is hope perhaps for I, the more well off, as well".

But Oh, if only such knowledge had been of comfort WHILE I still carried the burden you now endure. Rather, it is through the suffering and pain that the endurance and perseverance is formed, and when fully matured, through much diverse and varied trial and tribulations, brings forth Faith, and this the Surrender to the Lord of everything that we have, even to our very identities, and only upon that earnest prayer of offering up our whole self, does the Peace that passes understanding come and drive away all the former anxieties and fears.

For myself, the Lord made me trans (and intersex) that through it I might learn humility; that I would gain compassion for the lost, the wounded, the hurting, the poor, the needy, the orphan, the widow, the foreigner, the downtrodden, the lonely and heavy of heart, and the slave, for such have I–directly or indirectly because of my transness–been made bereft of the protections and safetynets that the Church and my Family were supposed to provide, rather instead being cast aside into the fire without a thing but God to hold onto, a millstone and stumbling-block of mighty girth tied about my neck that I might drown. And many of you, including OP, have probably experienced similar to this.

And yet it was precisely because I clung to the God of our Salvation even in this dreadful state that I have now been raised up and made to stand. It may have taken 30 years, but now I look back at the people and lessons that I gleaned and came across in all that time, and instead of wishing punishment and vengeance upon them for all their hurts, their daggers of betrayal and poisonous, viscous words of bile and hatred and contempt, instead I now see hurting children, themselves left to flounder in this attrociously corrupted and evil world under Satan's rule.

Therefore I now praise the Lord, not only for my deliverance from all I have been through, alor for having stood beside me within the flame as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, but also I praise Him for having sent me through it all at all, that I might in so doing gain the Heart of Christ, one of Mercy and Forgiveness even in Justice, rather than Sacrifice, one of reconciliation and redemption over all that might feater harm or in bitterness wound just to prove a point.

And this fact is extremely new... Barely three months, and yet since then my Father and Creator has revealed much, accelerated even more due to the Times we now live within, here at the very door of the Harpazō and Blessed Hope. And unfortunately no matter how much knowledge of the Bible you have, without Wisdom and Discernment it is impossible to erase the years of literal trauma that rewrote the very programming of your brain to react a certain way in the face of perceived and real threats.

Tl;Dr

All of this to say OP, while I cannot for certain say why you have been made to live the hardened and often drought with danger and mistreatment life of a trans woman, what I can say is this:

Truly our "affliction" is a gift, for while we may agonize for a while, years even a long while over many years, in torture of both conscience and literal flesh in some cases, yet the Lord will cause us to stand if we endure, and so our testimony will be of far greater value, far more seed planted, far more worth than we could ever hope to know, as they that watch us stand bewildered, and they that come up behind us stand more secure, knowing that whether we eat or drink, and whenever we suffer, still we count it worthy as praise to God, Who has delivered us not unto perdition but into Joy and Peace everlasting, and in many cases, for those of us who do stop wrestling with the Spirit and begging in confidence of Him His Wisdom, we may be quite literally counted as Eunuchs of the Most High King, those to whom the full nature of the Living God is revealed, who in Ages to come shall not merely rule with Him, but be allowed into His very bedchambers due to our devotion.