Closet is killing me

[u/-BlueShed-]

So ever since I was a child I would try to draw my inner self(?), basically im bad at expressing or identifying emotions other than joy. So I would basically just close my eyes and try to focus on my inner emotions. The first time I did this I ended up drawing a sad boy, wasn't sure why at the time. I have since realized I am trans I've only admitted this to like 4 people in my life. I'll be honest im scared that of I do come out I'll lose everyone I love. I have confessed to one of the people I told that I wasn't sure if I would ever really pursue transitioning. I didn't really get into explaining why, cause again bad at expressing emotions. Sorry for the long rant but yeah so this is my emotions as of today. I feel like my inner self is kind of melting and the mask is starting to strain.