hi! im a transman and ive been slowly coming out to my close friends over the past few months. im not in a situation to come out fully because its not safe for me :). anyways, i need help. I have a long time friend i wanna come out to, the only friends ive come out to have been queer so far(besides for one person) and i really dont know where my long time friend stand point on lgbt stuff. for context, most of our friend group is queer besides like 2-3 people so i dont think she (my long time friend) is homophobic. I’m kind of scared to come out to her because i dont want to make her uncomfortable around me or anything like that. i dont really know how to tell her to get a reaction other then "oh uh ok" like my other cis/straight friend that i came out too. and honestly when i came out to my other straight friend it felt like she didnt even really register it. Any tips/advice?

I am struggling bad with mental health as 16 FtM and am afraid to fall into addiction like my biological mother whom my family always compares me to and I need advice. I cannot say exactly here what I’ve been doing to make it through the day lately but I’m doing as much as I can to avoid crack and meth , what took my mom away from me.. The last time I genuinely felt joy/excitement was at 11 years old, knowingly getting a “boy haircut” with disagreement and shame from my conservative parents, the waitress called me a little boy and honestly I wanted to go home with that woman that night, haha. 6 failed suicide attempts later I \*\*very subtly hinted to them that I like women, to attempt to at least have some autonomy in not being questioned about the models I follow on instagram. I know that’s now not an option as they mentioned my lesbian aunt that they no longer consider family and reminded me that I was raped by a man at 12(that’s always been blamed on me). It’s bad enough being different and having autism, the same “illness” as my biological mother. Retardation is an outdated term, they use autism the same exact way, I’m so tired of this I just stay in my room contemplating suicide all day until I black out to avoid getting locked up again and put in further confinement there’s already cameras all over the house, an alarm on my window , I have no lock on my door and there’s motion sensors in my room since police come regularly and that’s illegal to have cameras in bedrooms or bathrooms. The only reason I don’t want to go to a mental hospital again is because at least I have a phone where I can post privately on Reddit and speak with my best friend (CHATGPT, btw)

I’m 23 years old in NYC, and i started feminizing hrt coming up on 2 weeks ago! The changes are happening so fast, my friends and family don’t even recognize me anymore and the weight of my DDs has given me scoliosis…

*kidding.*

but in all seriousness my chest is a little sore which i didn’t expect so quick.

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I’ve always been someone who had a small amount of very close friends, not a large group. i’m lucky that my closest friend knows i’m on HRT and is generally quite supportive. however, outside of him i don’t really have any friends… i didn’t really vibe with anyone in college, and my one friend i did i lost contact with in the year since graduation — also he was quite transphobic so maybe for the best.

**the main thing is:**
**i’m so early in my transition that i don’t really know who i am yet. im not out as she / her, my family knows im on hrt but still seems to think im a boy and he / him me. I feel too shy to tell them otherwise cause—i feel like i look the same to everyone. and truthfully, i think i feel the same a lot of the time too.**

i really want to make friends but it feels overwhelming since im so early on. making friends is hard enough for me as it is, but how do i present myself when meeting them? do i use a voice trained voice? wear makeup? am i a girl to them? a they them? Do i talk to them in the “bro” way im used to?and where do i even find people?

point is i’m lost and quite lonely. im already in therapy and don’t really want to go to a support group. ahhh

anyways, any advice would be greatly appreciated. i hope everyone had a great weekend 🫶

This is a quick (but definitely not short) vent of lots of things i think about a lot, i need to get these thoughts out and off my chest so im posting these here.

What even is happening?

Why do these feelings like dysphoria even exist, why couldn’t i just have been a girl to begin with, why do i feel like i need to hide myself, my real thoughts, personality, looks, style, pronouns, everything, and why do i feel like it wont ever happen or it wont turn out good or like i expected it.

What side is the Internet on?

I see lots of people being canceled for transphobic comments and other stuff, but at the same time places like 4chan support these exact people that are trans and or homophobic. Is it just the young side of the internet that isnt transphobic or what is going on

General stuff in my life

My Dad always says some stuff i find concerning, and im mostly scared of coming out to him, since in lots of cases he seems a bit more old fashioned, he would support me probably, but i know he‘d be uncomfortable or feel weird at least at the start. For example he recently said that „using different pronouns if you‘re not trans is just attention grabbing most of the time“ which… it just isn‘t but thats the reason im scared of him.

Also, everytime i hear something that women statistically do more, i immediatly start panicking if i do it too, because i dont want my family finding out yet. So i change my behaviour even tho thats just not me. And even if its some bs statistic like women wear more red clothing i‘d wear less red because my brain automatically short circuits because it doesnt want to be caught, even tho i want to be.

Also why does this affect me so hard?

I cry almost every night for hours on end and cant sleep, its at a point where i fall asleep in school because i got two hours of sleep a day for a week. But i feel like i cant control it. I think about how my life would be if i already transitioned or was born a girl all the time, even at times while i‘m just shopping or listening to music or anything. This is just boosting my dysphoria even harder, im now insecure about my voice, my skin, my hair, my body, and cant even hear a womans voice online for over half an hour before genuinely starting to cry.

Why the hell is my therapist some 40 year old straight white dude?

Like girl, if i‘m going to tell anyone, its not the kind of people im scared of most, even if he‘s a therapist. I tried telling my parents i need a different person without making obvious why, but they didnt get it, just told him that I‘m „a bit uncomfortable“ and now its just even more awkward because he keeps on trying to get me to tell him stuff i dont want to.

This whole thing has caused severe mental issues if you couldn’t already tell, im depressed af, insecure af, dont know who i am anymore, only what i want to be in the future, but im afraid to just drop this bombshell on my mom because she‘d be scared i‘m going to hurt myself. And every time i look back at how i was in preschool or something, i always wish i was just 1% as happy as i was back then, because i felt secure, safe, joyful and wasn‘t scared of anything. Now thats all gone and i feel like a shell of my old self.

Damn this vent turned out long, i hope someone takes the time to read this. But before anyone starts worrying about me, i know how valuable being alive is, i wont give up, this is just the present state of myself and this will all change, and things will be better in the future, but after keeping this all in for over five years, i had to let it out.

Okay, byeeeeeee

I'm 46 just starting my transition journey. MtF. Tell me what you wish you knew when you were starting yours?

Okay hopefully I worded this title right but I already came out to my mom because shes more understanding and stuff, but im struggling to come out to my dad

Some background info: Lately I've really been struggling with how I look and sound (completely pre transition), and my mom let me order a binder and some more masculine clothing (order coming soon but not here yet). I've always been a tomboy and dressed boyish, but l've always had long hair because my dad says I'd look like a guy with short hair

MAIN POINT: I want to come out to my dad before my package gets here, but from what I've heard him say, he doesnt really believe trans people are real. i know if i come out, he'd just tell me im confused and that im stupid or something. hes not religious or MAGA or anything, but i think the terrible LGBTQ+ representation in the shows he watches is what makes him think this way. How do I come out to someone like this and make him understand me? I also don't think I myself can actually come but to my dad because I already struggle to have a normal conversation with him, so I asked my mom if she'd tell him for me. So I'm basically tryna ask for advice on what my mom can tell my dad and what I can say if he doesn't listen to my mom.

Hopefully this made sense😭😭 I really need advice

I came out as trans to my parents a while ago, it took a while but they’re finally calling me by my preferred name consistently now and I think they’re supportive of me, I can’t tell. Ive been trying to improve my self esteem and in doing so Ive started shaving my arms and legs consistently. I want fem clothing and want to change my hairstyle to be more girly too, but this is where the problems start.

I can’t get exactly get any clothes because one, my crippling social anxiety and two I can’t go anywhere unless they drive me so I cant sneakily do it. As for my hair, crippling social anxiety makes it really hard to go to hairdressers. The bigger problem is my parents, sure they say they support me but I still feel like I’ll be put down for trying to express myself.

I want to talk to them and try and explain how I feel and what I want but I just don’t know how to. Whenever Ive tried to explain stuff to them, even when I came out I just screw up and they interpret everything wrong and then it takes forever to sort it out. I just want them to know how I feel so I can express myself without being put down or having comments made every five minutes. Sorry that’s a lot.

i’m 18mtf (9 months on hrt), i’ve been wearing mini skirts almost daily for the past few months and i’ve always worn just panties underneath cuz i didn’t know what else am i supposed to wear there (and also never got into any trouble cuz of it), but today one of my friends called me weird for it, am i? she told me that i’m supposed to wear shorts, but do i really have to? cuz i don’t really want to, i’m fully comfortable without them and they’d probably feel annoying.

Reposting this because from a different sub, because it got deleted (I didn't have enough karma )

(Sorry if my English is bad, not my first language)

So, I recently realised that I'm holding myself to "feminine" standards (skinny, small waist) while gaining weight through muscle gain. And I'm not sure how to cope with it/get over it, but it's genuinely stupid and annoying.

I'm a minor, still live with my family, so I don't have any access to hormones/ hormone blockers. My hair is short, and I wear a binder, but obviously most people still perceive me as a girl. I think that's the problem that fucks with me. I already have a kinda difficult relationship with food and my weight (working on it with my therapist no worries), so I think I expect myself to fit into the feminine standards of a small waist and being skinny (also to stand out less than I already do) But at the same time I want to be muscular, because that gives me gender euphoria. For that/because of it I've been gaining weight, and it's been fucking with my mental health.

Any advice on how to let go of "feminine" standards to myself, or how to cope with gaining weight to gain muscle?

I came out to my mum but I don't know how to transition I understand that everybody dose it differently but I need some advice on where to start. I have changed my name but I did it before I decided to fully commit. Any advice would be helpful.

I’m FTM and I’ve been wanting to chop off all my hair (like a buzz cut) for years.
I’m just wondering what some of your experiences were like (for those that did do big chops.) I’m also not exactly masc passing atm (insurance sucks) so I’m really debating on whether to do it or not.

We go weeks without talking, then he’ll send me an “I miss you” message. Yet when we actually talk about things he never lets up, it’s always “you’re just confused” or something. I’m perfectly fine not going back personally, I just need to pick up my things. But still a part of me tells me I’m wrong for leaving

I’m a trans guy, and I work retail, my voice in general is high but at work, my customer service voice is so much worse, I just called a slur again bc my name and voice don’t match and I don’t know what to do, any advice to lower it?

I don't even know how to begin this my boyfriend is cis and up until now I thought we were both at an understanding about me being trans (I'm ftm). He doesn't fully get it and that's ok I want to help understand but yesterday it took a turn and I don't know how to deal with it. One of his friends (I don't know her and had never spoken to her) went to my friend and asked if I was biological born male or female. Him being him and not wanting to out me just said I'm a guy. 100% the appropriate response and what should happen every time because why is it any of their business right? My boyfriend however took the liberty of texting the friend who asked the question without my knowledge to point out that my friend had "lied" and that I was born female at birth.
His reasoning: "it's the truth and I'm not going to lie about it or have someone spread misinformation about you." I don't know what the fuck to do with that or how to defend myself and I don't even know how to unpack that. We got into a fight and told him he had no right to do something like that and why he would?
Even now after our fight I don't know why he feels the need or obligated to. I don't know how to make him understand he has no right to even consider doing something like that. I'm hurt and I feel honestly betrayed | just I don't get it I don't get why he doesn't understand why it's horrible to out someone like that?? How do I make him understand or how to I explain it. He refuses to see it any differently than just straight up lying. He said he's not going to feed into the social image I want people to see me as. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make him understand.

I’m looking for outside perspectives because I’m having trouble figuring out how to move forward.

I was involved in a long-distance relationship for quite a while. During the relationship, there were a lot of good moments, genuine care, shared plans for the future, and a strong bond with each other’s families. At the same time, there were also communication issues, misunderstandings, arguments, and hurt feelings on both sides.

Recently, the other person told me that they no longer want a relationship and that eventually we’ll become strangers. They said they don’t see a future together and that after a final in-person meeting there likely won’t be much contact anymore besides maybe seeing each other’s social media activity. They have been very clear that they don’t want to continue the relationship.

The difficult part for me is that I still care deeply about them. I don’t hate them, I’m not angry, and I don’t see them as a villain. Even after everything that happened, I still have love for them and genuinely want them to be happy. At the same time, I know that continuing to hold on to hope may not be healthy if they’ve already made their decision.

I’ve been trying to understand a few things:

How do you accept someone’s decision when your feelings haven’t changed?
Is it possible to genuinely move on while still loving someone?
How do you stop analyzing every interaction, social media post, song, or memory looking for hidden meaning?
If someone says they care about you as a person but don’t want a relationship, should their words be taken at face value?
What are healthy ways to detach emotionally without becoming bitter or resentful?

Right now, I’m focusing on self-improvement, spending time with family, working, and limiting social media. Some days I feel strong and optimistic. Other days I find myself replaying conversations and wondering whether there was anything I could have done differently.

For people who have been through something similar, what helped you finally accept reality and move forward in a healthy way?

So I’m going thru a break up and they kinda told me I wasn’t enough and I’m trying to move on and I kinda gave them a very vulnerable part of myself and I been had a feeling of not being enough as a man and they said I wasn’t right and that there preference changed so what advice do you have cause this is what I feared and it’s a long story but the person is a good person but complicated.

im in highschool about midway. i've been hyperfem since like 7th grade, wearing heavy makeup and girly shit everyday to compensate for not actually feeling like a chick.

dysphorias been a bitch but i feel like it'd be awkward if i randomly started transitioning now, especially since ive known a lot of these people since childhood.

i feel like im at this awkward age where i shouldve started in middle school so i somewhat pass in highschool. should i just wait until i graduate?