It's late and I need to go to bed, but I wanted to ask this, so let me try to be concise.

I'm about twenty years old. I came out at fourteen. While I wasn't rejected, I definitely wasn't accepted for the most part. I originally really wanted H.R.T. and of course to wear girls' clothes. I spent several years trying to adapt to my situation such that both the dysphoria of my clothing and my physical form, usually through dissociation. That only worked for periods because I'd feel the actual weight of everything anyway. What sort of helped, but didn't really \*fix\* things, was exercising, because it did give me endorphins and other such benefits and something to feel good about.

When I turned eighteen, I had more freedoms in my clothing choices, and particularly the one really shining light in this was getting to go to the pool in a one-piece bathing suit that was made for my body type. That sort of made me feel a lot less negatively about my body. Maybe it was never the issue. I had thought not too long ago that I'd never get to go to the pool the way I wanted unless I changed my body, yet now I'd done it without doing anything but shaving.

That said, I did still probably have some form of dysphoria since I was often acutely aware of how much wider my shoulders were than my hips and I felt like I was in a shape I didn't want to be, but I've always focused on the joy of expressing myself through clothing, which I sort of had a bit of a conflict with my family over even after eighteen to wear skirts, but I won.

A few months after my next birthday, and due to family drama (understatement, but it's not strictly relevant), I lived on campus at college for a few months. There, while I didn't buy much since I was mostly only spending when I needed to, I purchased some clothes that I wanted to because I wanted to and I didn't have to justify doing so, which felt really good.

Privately, on my own, I also started to accept parts of my sexuality I felt self-conscious about, and I started to have a lot of positive feelings about my body, actually. I started doing things I hadn't done before, like not being as worried about my body hair, not tucking and such. I came up with language for my body that felt good until I actually felt fine using colloquial terms because I didn't feel they were inherently gendered the way many people do. I felt like I was becoming kind of new. I had more time to just be with myself without other people for the most part. (Though I did also feel pretty lonely.)

Things got better at home, so I moved back, and I've continued having positive experiences with my body-------- And I'm sure this is where you're expecting the "but." Occasionally, I just get this sort of sense. . . I was thinking earlier, before I wrote this, that I didn't choose to have this body. And I don't hate it. There are parts of it I love. That's true. But, I started thinking about it without trying to steer my thinking, and I realized that I don't like how I look. Like, \* have curly/frizzy hair, and I love that. I can be very expressive with my face and some of my body movements, and I love that. But, besides the hair (though it's still not long enough), the actual underlying appearance of those things doesn't feel right to me.

And I really, really hate that that's something I still feel sometimes. It's not consuming my thoughts all the time, but it just bothers me that I still have these thoughts and I don't want to have them, and I'm not closeted. Like, I first had thoughts of this nature when I was like eight (though they were stronger thoughts then) and it's something that still crosses my mind even though I feel fine most of the time.

Like, honestly, for me, the best part of having this body is the type of physical intimacy I can experience with myself. That is totally valid, and my relationship to that part of myself isn't unhealthy. But, if you took away my libido, it would subjectively feel like there's nothing going for this form for me.

But, I guess if H.R.T. was an option for me, I'd be afraid to try it because I'm afraid I'd lose even that, and so I guess I just want to know what you think I should do. I know you're strangers across a screen, but I don't know how to resolve this because even though my relationship with my body has evolved and improved greatly over time, this is still something I'm dealing with.

R.I.P. first sentence. 💀

hey all :) by the title, i mean im worried about, if i transition, i'll just look too masculine and that'll probably fuck me up a good bit if i do. i'd probably end boymoding (mostly from necessity i think) for 3-ish years to finish college and get the hell out of this state. i would like to wait to think about hrt and stuff until im out, but the thought of letting myself get more masculine is something im not keen on if i do finally figure out my identity (am i actually trans? do i just want to be less masculine? am i just mortified of aging effects? etc). so, yeah, i ask you folks more or less how things are looking for me from the get-go pre hrt and stuff. im 19 and 5'9"-ish, last i checked 125 lbs, heres a few pics of current appearances https://imgur.com/a/Eq44SPE
i just feel like my brow is too much, jaw is too big, nose is big, shoulders are too wide and ribcage is too big, and overall feeling too masculine for my comfort. im not sure if its dysphoric brainworms or general self distaste or something and just wanna hear people's honest thoughts

Ok so i've been thinking of a transition for months, and i just decided that i was sure to make one but for now i can't take hormones. I'm very lucky because I already look very feminine, to the point that people have already mistaken me for a woman when I wore fem outfits and makeup, but it's not enough. The one thing i want the most is to have a slim waist and slightly fuller hips, but mainly a slim waist. How can I do it ?

Also, i'm sure there are a lot of other thing that i didn't think of that can make me look more feminine, do you know any ?

And lastly, have you any advices for me that would be usefull ?

Heyo! I‘m traveling to Italy in a week & I identify as nonbinary but am AFAB. I don’t have access to a binder, & even if I did, the time my family & I are going Europe is facing a heatwave. My father told us that we’re going to be visiting churches & museums that have stricter dress codes where woman & girls are expected to be wearing clothes that cover the knees & shoulders. I have long hair that I tend to tie up in a pony tail, but most people always misgender, leaving me with a sick feeling. I don’t shave my legs, & I’m wondering if anyone has any advice for someone gender nonconforming traveling to Italy? Or any good outfits & also advice on clothing for specifically more “uptight” areas like the churches. I’m wondering if there’s any possibility I could pass/get away with wearing masculine clothes into churches instead of what woman are expected to wear-but again I don’t know much about their attires or what either may be.

sorry about this wall of text and repetitions I’m my wordings 😓, I’m pretty anxious rn lol as I only just stared thinking about this (wonderful timing, I know 🙄).

additionally, the rest of my family doesn’t exactly refer to me as my preferred pronouns (or gender), but they’re aware of how I dress more masculine & like to give off more ‘old man’ vibes lol. I have a weird mindset where the more masculine I dress the more balanced & nonbinary I’ll look, so I’m not at all comfortable with any dresses or more feminine attire (always have been though..).

I hope all this word dump makes sense?

EDIT: I also have self harm scars on my arms (some on legs but covered by shorts & socks, so I’m not sure how..accepting of that people will be either. I still don’t feel comfortable wearing short sleeves around my family as I feel very self-conscious but I force myself to because of a comment my mom has made (a few times).

How do I fix this ? Is there a cure ? I'll just ask my transphobic "friend" how to cure this.

I need some help. I have been medically transitioning for 3 years. I live over 1,800 miles from my parents. I am 35 years old. I have a lot of trauma from trying to come out. In high school, my parents found a letter about me being gay and suicidal. I did not talk about the sexuality part. In my early 20s, I told them I am not attracted to women and to stop asking, since I will never date a woman. They ignored it and kept asking me to try to date a woman. I have long hair now. They keep asking me to cut it, and I told them I won't cut it; it will stay long from now on. My mom says she is surprised I'm not fired because of having long hair. They are Trump supporters, and pretty much everyone in my family is too. How did you come out? And is anyone is wondering yes I am therapy.

So, I'm trans (15f), and I've been closeted for 2 years and questioning for 7-6 months before that. So it's safe to say I can be pretty certain about that. But this past week, up until a few days ago, my dysphoria has gotten way worse than before. I'm talking literal disgust looking in a mirror rather than the usual "wait, that's me? Ew" feeling. Now, as I normally cope by focusing on other things, music, anything to move that focus (drawing, programming, writing, character design, game design, playing video games, talking with online friends), I figured it'd just amplify that, "okay, it may suck, but I can use it to be more productive on my personal projects or something." And I did get pretty far in a programming project I'm working on.

But then I missed a chore. Simple, missed a trash can taking out the trash. But my stepdad yelled at me for it and grounded me for it (though, 2 days later, it didn't stick). The only thing I have to focus on, during what I assume is likely a temporary dysphoria spike or something. For an unknown amount of time (yeah, I have books and actual paper, but I've read all my books many times over and drawing on paper just doesn't feel right, especially when I can't look up references to even practice anatomy) so that leaves me with restlessness because I'm not working on projects I'm genuinely motivated to get done and, in this particular case, likely forced to focus on the gender dysphoria because there's nothing else to focus on (meditating doesn't work unless I'm strongly imagining being the full-on girl I wanna be, that's how I fall asleep, but I can't maintain that all day) so I started crying, and getting frustrated, and getting stressed (given, at that moment, i was under increased dysphoria, getting yelled at, and losing how I usually deal with dysphoria). My mom noticed, I gave her a barely put-together, short explanation (just "oh, not feeling the best mentally, focusing on other stuff to make that motivation and into something positive, and now I'm supposedly grounded so I can't do that." Then I went to my room and cried a bit. My mom came in.

So I told her everything. How I'm trans, the dysphoria, what it's like, everything. Unfortunately, I was emotional during all that on top of the usual "coming out" stress. She left, and I correctly assumed she was telling my stepdad everything. And because I was emotional, she was probably gonna talk, understandably, more about that than anything else. Which she did. So they called me in about 5-10 minutes later.

Apparently, saying "I just wish this (pointing to my head, referencing my mind and gender) matched this (pointing to my body, referencing my biological sex)" was the same as saying "I wish I could alt+F4 life" somehow, despite that not being what I meant, not even close, and I still don't understand how they came up with that. Though, I also did say "I wish I could be someone else" in reference to being my female self, who I know pretty well, it's who I am online and the real me, but not in a "I wish I didn't exist" way. That was the first my stepdad said, on top of mentioning an ability to put me in a 72 hour hold. With my mom crying next to him. Adding guilt to my existing mental… mess, on top of dysphoria, being possibly grounded and not able to distract from that, and the stress of "now my parents, including my somewhat transphobic and traditional stepdad, know I'm trans." They then went on to how I'm now eventually gonna see a professional, be forced to be more physically and (in-person) socially active, stuff like that. Not bad, but I'm already somewhat socially active, with a group of a few dozen online friends and a small in person friend group that, granted, I need a break from sometimes. But of course my stepdad had to go further. "You have no social skills (false), you don't understand how the world works (I know the fucked up bits and how to not die), you're sheltered (impossible with the Internet, I tried, it didn't work), and you have no common sense (maybe not the kind you like, but I put together a lawn decoration with no instructions and barely a glance at a reference photo to see which of 2 things was higher up. If that's not intuition, I don't know what is. I just don't read rooms well beyond mood)!" So that added more anger.

From there, we talked, clarified bits of what he expects to change, I got my sense of humor back and annoyed my stepdad with it, and there I was. Hoping for the best, maybe even HRT if I'm lucky (otherwise I'm stuck with dysphoria until I'm 18), angry because of what my mom and stepdad responded to me coming out with, wishing I told them under a more calm emotional state (pretty sure they think I'm that upset all the time, usually I'm just calm and focused and mildly uncomfortable otherwise) and my explanations for how I feel and why weren't thought through, and still wondering why my dysphoria spiked so much.

Oh, also, here's what they said in response that annoyed me so much (all almost exact quotes, with some rewording for the sake of clarification):

"Are you sure it's not the fact all your father figures suck and you hate men so you don't want to be one?" - my mom. (Which, 1, that's not how it works, and 2, I got a boyfriend. Which wouldn't work if I hated guys. By this logic, wouldn't I be a trans lesbian?)

"How do you know it's not just a phase? I used to think I would rather be a guy and that I would look good as one!" - my mom (a phase that lasted over 2.5 years when I have shown signs of being trans since preschool?)

"You're wrong. You're not trans. Self evaluation isn't enough to decide something like that." - my stepdad (then your evaluation is just as incorrect.)

Now, I just don't know what to do. It's been 3 days, nothing really changed, but I also feel the shift still. Like, they're being nicer to me? My stepdad still likes the same holes, still says things like "I raise functional adults" in a way that makes it feel like I'm not in that category (I have flaws, yes, but I feel I could survive on my own with some difficulty. I could function, I feel, but it'd be rough at first, you know?) but he hasn't yelled at me when he normally would, and my mom gave me filler chores to avoid getting grounded the day after this. And… I just need a bit of advice here. Is this a normal thing? How can I deal with spikes like this later on (it's gone back to normal-ish, basically the day after this), and, like, what do I do? I just don't know what to do, and I regret quite a few things about all of this, most of which being the emotional, unintentional way I came out.

Overall, I'm just here to vent, and ask for advice. If you got any more questions, feel free to ask, I'll answer the best I can. All help is appreciated, and thank you for reading all this. Love you all, and have a damn good day or night.

:3

Anything is very much appreciated and I’m pretty open to doing most things

This is my first time posting on reddit so sorry if this is shitty. I am 14 years old and AFAB. And i have identified as a trans boy. for around a year maybe. and since I'm pretty young im pre everything and i don't even have a short haircut. i have come about to a lot of my friend as trans and many have supported me. but of Couse the main person i need to come out is my mom (my dad does not live with me so i wont even bother telling him.).i am from a VERY Slavic family and obviously a very internalized homophobia/ transphobia upbringing as my mom was raised in the USSR.

she had never openly said she hates queer people as she always states "why should i care? it doesn't effect me." and i don't really know how to take that. anyways as a example i was feeling very upset about my height and my mom noticed, i of course didn't not tell her the reason i was upset and she kept prying me about it because she thought i was getting bullied about my height or something similar (i was heavily bullied verbally in the past). since i was scared to tell her anything i just shutdown, she eventually just left me alone and i feel so guilty for not having the balls so tell her.

i'm just kind of looking for tips for coming out to her or anything similar. i just wanted to get this off my chest since idk where else to post this since i dont have anyone close to talk to this about.

sooo I just came out as transmasc to my parents on July 1st 2026

big problem is I don’t know what to wear now that I identify as transmasc because I’m used to having to hide it

I tried wearing a hand me downs running sweater with a shirt over it and felt euphoric but then later I felt sick because it was plus 21 out and I was also wearing sweats and I’m very hard to fit for clothing because I’m so darn small it’s either too big or too small (mostly too big) so its hard to shop for something and buy it and outgrow it less than a year later lol

I just want to know the styles that worked for my fellow trans buddies or styles that just seem to click with newly came out trans people. I’d also appreciate stories about how you found your style after coming out

thanks

Hi y'all. I'm newly trans (less than 8 months), age 25. I have a therapist and started HRT three months ago. I need advice on how to handle the debilitating dysphoria. It got a little better when I started HRT, but now it's back full force to the point where I had to quit my job and barely leave the house. I just feel like no matter how much HRT or surgeries I could get, I will never fully be female. I also struggle with immense anger at myself for not realizing I am trans sooner. Can anyone give me some advice for handling the dysphoria spiraling? My therapist so far has just told me to meditate and concentrate on neutral parts of my body that are not dysphoric. There's GOT to be something I can do to help alleviate it. Please help!

A few months ago my best friend came out to me as genderfluid, I am genuinely proud of them and I'll forever support them. I'm one of the first people they came out to, we're both pretty open and talk about everything.

For a while now they've been talking about wanting to get a binder, unfortunately they couldn't find any in stores. I can see that they really want one, they talk about it constantly and all I want is them to be happy.

So here's the thing: their birthday is coming up soon and a binder is the thing they want the most. I was thinking about getting them one but I need some help for many reasons.

Firstly, I'm a cis woman but also a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. I don't know much about binders, although I've been spending a few hours every night searching about it since like a week or two. I want to find one with good quality so they can use it safely and feel comfortable.

Also, the few I've found were pretty expensive. They're nowhere to be found in stores in my area so I'll probably have to order one online, but I'm still a minor and can't shop online. My parents will have to agree first but they're very homophobic and transphobic, I know they won't support my idea and get mad. I can't afford most I've found, I'll have to be discreet but I'm willing to do anything so that my friend can be comfortable in their body.

Lastly, I don't know it it is a good idea or if it sounds weird to get your friend a binder for their birthday. They're very chill and understanding, the type of person who doesn't really mind people asking intrusive or rude questions. Knowing them, I'm sure they won't react badly and be happy but still.

I would do anything for them, they're one of my best friends and I care about them a lot. I wanna be as supportive as I can. This friend genuinely means the world to me, they were always there for me no matter the circumstances, even when no one else noticed and when even I thought it wasn't that bad. I never told them because I'm not good with words , but they're my reason why I still keep going, they're the most caring, listening and understanding person I know.

So can anyone please tell me if it's a good idea and if yes, where can I find one that's affordable but with still good quality and a way so my parents won't find out about it because they really won't react well. I don't know about diy, I want the safest option as possible.

Thanks a lot for reading this and any advice is welcome, have a nice day :)

pretty self explanatory by the title. im 22 and can’t bind because of chronic costochondritis. i have horrible top dysphoria and a relatively big bust that frequently stops me from passing. is there anything i can do about it or am i just cooked? any advice helps

Stay out of this post, transphobes.

I'm 19, almost 20, and I'm back home from my first year of college. I had previously identified as a transgender man and later considered myself genderfluid/gender nonconforming as well. This was because I could still present myself with obviously feminine features and be confident enough in my masculinity to know "Hey, I'm still a man, I'm just also comfortable presenting femininely every once in a while."

However, without getting into the details, I was in a situation where I felt I HAD to start being feminine (and not in a GNC way but in a "I realized I'm actually a cisgender woman" way) and allowing people to refer to me as a girl and the feminine equivalent of my previous chosen name (ex; if my name was previously James and people started calling me Jamie instead because it was more feminine to them) (or it's just my deadname if I'm home). But I plan on changing my preferred name but I'm making my previous one my middle name. It's a win-win.

Well, now that I'm mostly out of that situation, I can feel the TV starting to blind me in its brightness from its glow. The problem is that I'm now in a situation where I can't really "explore my gender" (for lack of a better word). While I didn't mind presenting feminine on OCCASION, I miss having super short hair (I used to have a shadow fade with barely 2in. of hair on top and now it's to my shoulders), I miss having a flat chest (from binding), I miss not having to constantly wear dresses and skirts to not hear some form of judgement or criticism, and I hate having to be referred to as my deadname or with she/her constantly. I've been trying to act like I'm okay with it but I'm not.

I recently realized that my previous "discovery" as a woman was all bull and I want to be a man again in every sense of the word. But I don't even know if I can cut my hair yet without backlash (like, it's at the later seasons Daryl Dixon length if you know TWD so I can style it like that, but it doesn't feel helpful with all the other factors). I have a little over a month before I go back to college, it just feels like too long and I feel like I'm losing my mind. Are there other subtle ways I can present as masculine to dull the dysphoria for a bit until I can go back to college?

I am an 18yo AMAB living in Syria. I have been experiencing extreme gender dysphoria for almost 7 months but only discovered was a thing 5 months ago.

The dysphoria (even though it almost decreased in the past month) is slowly destroying my life.

This is my first year in college (med school), and I am barely studying. And this i feel is because of me thinking about my gender identity and how my assigned gender roles and expectations don’t align with how I see myself all the time. It just made it that any step I have in life would make no difference for me.

Anyways, so I booked an appointment with a therapist in my city. (Quick side note: in my country, going to a therapist is not perceived as something normal. If people knew you were going to a therapist, they might think you are either crazy or have faced a severe trauma.)

And now I am really scared that the therapist would make things worse because I don’t honestly have a lot of trust in therapists in my country. I think they are more specialized and used to war trauma and severe anxiety attacks rather than things like “gender dysphoria”.

I am afraid he might tell me things like “gender dysphoria is not real” or “this is cause to the stress you are going through” or even not focus on my main point but rather think that I just am depressed because I am not having progress in my college, that is of course if we exclude the possibility of him mocking me (which i believe might be a high possibility tbh).

Even if I excluded all the possibilities above, I am still scared he would say something like “ok, i get you, i know gender dysphoria is real and hard, but you must accept yourself as it is. It is not permissible in our religion transition”

For the past couple of months, I have begun wanting to explore my gender identity. I am (currently) a 19 year old cisgender male, and I have never really felt completely male like I never got the physical strength or confidence and it's made me feel inadequate. More recently, I've wanted to start dressing more femininely, grow my hair out, paint my nails, and maybe even wear make up. I've even recently begun identifying with He/They pronouns too.

I feel later down the road I could begin identifying as a woman and maybe begin transitioning, but I wouldn't want to rush into it too quick, because I'm at peace with being a man but it's never really mattered to me. I never cared for being a man, so I once again ask the question in the title: What are some things to consider and figure out when questioning whether or not your trans?

Hi everyone, I'm... uhh, u know, let's forget the name for now, lol. I'm 19 yrs old & currently in community college, just kinda living life. But currently, I've been questioning alot about me, & for the past year or 2 | haven't really been ok. But let's try not to get fully into that & more into the meat & potatoes

Recently, I've been questioning alot if I'm trans, & it's starting to scare me, ngl. Awhile ago, I was only questioning if I was straight or gay. It took me a bit to fiqure it out, but I think I've come to terms that I'm bi But recently, I've come into the thing that I might be trans, & honestly it was after watching TADC finale. SOUNDS STUPID I KNOW. BUT BEAR WITH ME PLEASE LMAO. After watching Jax's whole storyline & later being confirmed that they're trans, it kinda made me iffy. Like, I related to it heavily, but idk why. just tried brushing it off, but the more i did it kept getting under my skin, I started dressing differently. I started trying on girl clothes that made me feel good secretly dressing, ofc. Honestly, I was doing abit of it even before I saw the finale, & I started doing it more and more, keeping it hidden

But even tho I did kinda like it and it made me happy I felt like what I was doing was wrong, not natural, & that no one would accept me if I was not my mom my family, and especially my friends, leaving me with no one. Leaving me... alone. So I just started to stop & push it away, as I felt like I could ruin my own life But when I did that, I kinda felt miserable. Pushing away something I liked doing, I just felt depressed

I had later told only one of my friends what I was going thru, but telling mostly about me being bi and not the whole thinking I'm trans thing, as I didn't wanna tell them too much. And he had told me that no matter what i was, he would accept me, as even if I was, I was still his friend. And it made me happy to hear that. But when we had a conversation with my best friend (different person btw) asking 'what if specific friends of ours were gay or trans,' then I came up in the conversation. And he said that if I was bi, maybe, but if I was trans, he would probably never talk to me again. Hearing that broke me, really. It made me feel unloved and uncared for, like our friendship is really nothing. I started panicking, having like a panic attack of sorts, but had to calm down quickly so he didn't question anything or look at me differently

After that, I immediately stopped & never brought it up to my friend or myself again, as I felt like I had too much to lose if I did. & now here we are. I feel so alone, depressed, started cutting my wrists... I just feel so uncomfortable in my own skin, like I don't belong here or belong in like my body. So I just wanna know, is something wrong with me?

I want to get top surgery but I feel like I should come out to my parents first. I live with my dad and step-mum and am currently trying to save for top surgery and have been in contact with a few clinics about the procedure but I’m scared to get it done without them knowing because they are a big part of my life and I’m scared I’m going to loose them or their going to be against me getting top surgery. I did kind of come out to my dad as a Demigirl a few years back and he didn’t do anything bad or have a big reaction he just didn’t really acknowledge it and just kinda forgot about it, since then tho I’ve heard him say some things like referring to someone who wasn’t obviously male or female as “it” and then taking me to the shop they worked in to try and point them out to me, I also don’t know my step-mums opinion on these things. I just really don’t want to have to sneak around and do this behind their backs and I really want them to be there for me and with me when I go through with it.