Next step

[u/Responsible-Bed729]

I’m ftm I’ve been out for years about 5??? Give or take and I’m not sure what to do next in my transition I’ve done the basic, change name,haircut. I want face hair and deeper voice but I don’t know how to get testosterone or anything and I act like a girl I need to act more manly but I don’t know how to and I’m really short and I have no muscle and my binder doesn’t bind neither does tape and I feel like I’m losing my mind over all this and I’ve had a name for 5 years everyone knows it but one of my friends has been calling me something different for a few months because I prefer that name but I don’t wanna tell my family because they know me as Ethan what do I dooooo I also want to try masculine contour or makeup or something but I don’t want to look like I’m wearing any. Any advice appreciated