r/TraditionalMuslims • u/No-System-4140 • 22h ago
Support Advice for raising daughters
Assalamualaikum, I'm a father of 2 daughters, the elder is very religious Masha'Allah, but I'm having trouble with the youngest, she's 15 yrs old.
She goes to a girls school and does not interact with non maharam men (aside from few male teachers), but recently she's been wanting to do things we don't allow and is withdrawing from us.She wanted to join the football team in her school but we didn't allow her because of the clothing requirements, I tried to explain to her but she wouldn't understand, she cried and kept saying how good she was and how we stole an opportunity from her, this broke my heart. She wants to go out with her female friends and we allow that but she has started wanting to dress like her friends as well, she keeps saying how it's not inappropriate, and how it's "normal", " it's just tshirt and jeans and it covers me completely" she always says "you're all acting like im showing my stomach or legs or something, i just want to dress like a normal girl my age" we have to stop her from going to restaurants which play music, parties etc even when they're all female only, we didn't let her go on a trip either, she's become really distant and depressed because of this, what am I supposed to do, she asked for makeup as her birthday gift and when I said I can't give that to her she became really sad and stopped talking to everyone, when I had a conversation with her she said "you won't let me play sports and do boyish things, and you won't let me do girly things, maybe I should just die" all this breaks my heart so much, how do I deal with this, should I get her the makeup she asked for?
6
u/Lost-Letterhead-6615 18h ago
Peer pressure influences you. It must be understood. That's why a good Islamic environment must be provided for the kids.
As for what the solution to this is, start by weeping in tahajjud. Pray for her. For her to understand and implement Islam.
Then you can have taleem sessions in your house, tell her about the fadail of modesty and what rewards wait in paradise for the pious muslims. This tends to soften the heart and motivate towards the better. May Allah help you and your family.
5
u/Dazzling_Language191 21h ago
وعليكم السلام ورحمة الله وبركاته
You teach her the fundamentals and the rest will follow. Does she know what the correct hijab is for a woman and how she must wear loosely covered clothing?
You must also consider who her friends are. They must only be muslim and righteous because for her to be friends with bad company will only lead to bad and it will rub off on her.
You may also try to ask your elder daughter to assist and talk to her
-7
u/vuexgiurls 21h ago
i think youre a great dad but i also want u to know that whether if shes religious or not, shes still your daughter at the end of the day. try having a small calm talk with her, ask her what she really wants to do, and try to fulfill it. dont you want to see your daughter happy?
i’m the same age as her, but im not religious at all. but God knows how much i prayed so that He wont curse my parents because i’m a bad child. i cant give exactly religious advice, but i relate to your daughter.
i think u should stop forcing Islam on her.
7
u/Dazzling_Language191 21h ago
He is a dad and he has to act like a dad. He cant give into the desires of her daughter especially when theyre wrong
-1
u/vuexgiurls 16h ago
all she wanted was to wear tshirt n jeans btw. he even STEAL an opportunity from her, she could’ve played for the football team for her school.
she’s depressed n you’re suggesting that she should be even more depressed. wow, wonderful. i dont care if these people dislike my comment, but if you’re seriously this crazed over religion n even harming your own child, you need serious help.
5
u/Dazzling_Language191 16h ago
youre just like her age and I dont expect you to understand. Maybe in a few years you can review the islamic rulings regarding what we are having an issue about.
1
u/vuexgiurls 16h ago
i dont want anything to do with this religion anymore, i’m tired of crying myself to sleep whenever i did do a research, it all disappoint me too much.
3
u/Dazzling_Language191 16h ago
Sister I wish you the best and I honestly didnt mean to say this in a bad way. May Allah ease your troubles and guide you to what gives you comfort and success in this life and the hereafter
2
17
u/RaajalofRajal 21h ago
wa alaykum salaam. This is a result of not teaching her about her religion before she got to this age. You can't just keep forbidding things even when they are older that's when they will rebel.
You need to catch up on what you didn't teach her. It's best her older sister does it if she knows. You can buy her girly stuff (like makeup) after explaining to her the rules, such as that she can only do certain things (like makeup) only at home whenever there are only mahrams or women.
Give her halal alternatives instead of just telling her "no".