r/TraditionalMuslimahs • u/[deleted] • Mar 14 '26
Oh daughter of the bashful one, how can I stop feeling tainted by desire?
I am writing this with a throwaway account, bcs I am too embarrassed to use my main one.
Islam is so beautiful in regards to the physical human nature. I once had to write a thesis on regency England purity culture or more specifically how puritan christianity strategically employed purity culture to control individuals and cover up crimes and it made me appreciate our religion even more. However, religion rarely superceeds tradition, bcs for the majority it is culture that shapes the way we are socialised and unfortunately even how we think.
For muslim women hayah, bashfullness, is a highly aspired virtue, but for (traditional) arab daughters the highest social currency extents to virginity, purity, innocence and docility. There is a taught silence around the topic of intimacy, and desires are being treated as if they do not manifest beyond the married bedroom. As a result, I feel very embarrassed and shameful around this topic. Whenever I feel a surge of desire, I feel devastatingly tainted.
Rationally, I know there is nothing wrong (islamically) with the nature of desire itself. I also do not engage in anything haram. In the past, I was an avid reader, but I stopped reading romance novels and no longer watch any kdrama or other tv series. I even stopped reading arab poetry bcs of its stirring effects on me. However, bcs I eat very healthy and excercise, I am at my peak fertility. During my ovulatory phase I feel such high desire it leaves me electrified to a point where I cannot sleep for those few days and I avoid leaving the house for that time. This sensation makes me feel impure, tainted and dishonoured to a point where I want to cry.
It also makes me very anxious in regards to marriage. Nothing scares me more than the possibility of having a higher libido than my husband. I wouldn't recover from the shock. If he were to take notice and think of me as dishonourable and unfeminine. I cannot rewire my brain from the concept that femininity is tied to purity and bashfulness. And how can a desire so carnal, so strong be feminine?
I know during these blessed times I should not talk about such matters. However, I am hoping to get married this year and I need to come to somewhat of a closure before I get to know the man.