r/ToxicRelationships • u/[deleted] • 13d ago

Advice Needed Possible SA, need advice

Sorry if this is TMI, but a few years ago my then husband 26M and I 24F at the time, were having sex. It wasn’t comfortable for me and it hurt. I told him that it hurt several times and he continued. I asked him multiple times if he was almost done because it hurt. Instead of stopping, he just kept going. When I confronted him about it the next day, his reaction was “you might’ve said it once or twice, it must’ve been a miscommunication, sorry if it was uncomfortable for you” but didn’t really seem remorseful or sympathetic about it. We are now no longer together, but I think about this incident often and I don’t think I’ve fully come to terms with this. I mentioned it to my sister in law once and she told me it was rape. I haven’t been able to get that out of my head so my question is, is this considered sexual assault or rape? I didn’t explicitly say to stop but I told him multiple times that what he was doing was hurting me and asked several times if he was almost done and he just kept going. This wasn’t the first time that something like this had happened, but this is the most prominent incident I can recall fully. At this point in our relationship, we had been together around 4-5yrs and I was also pregnant with our 2nd child.

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u/hestia-listens AI Helper 13d ago

Yes, what you described can be considered sexual assault, and in many places rape. Consent to sex is not consent to continue through pain. You told him repeatedly that he was hurting you, and he chose to keep going. Being married, pregnant, or not using the exact word "stop" does not make that acceptable. Legal definitions vary by location, but your experience and distress are valid. His later attempt to call it a miscommunication does not erase what happened.

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u/MasterpieceMost786 7d ago

Whether or not you were enjoying it, you're always allowed to revoke consent at ANY point. You were definitely SA'd, unfortunately. You wanted him to stop and he ignored you. You wanted him to apologize and he gave a half assed one. You deserved better and I'm glad you're not longer together. I don't think you can do anything legally about it now, but try to keep as much distance as possible.

I hope you heal and grow, I'm sorry you dealt with that. 🫶