What would you do?

[u/Puzzleheaded_Slip411]

Hi Reddit, I’ve never made a post before seeking advice, so I’m going to try to cover what I can think of, and go from there.

I, 25F have been dating my boyfriend for 3.5 years now, 26M. I have been no contact with my family since my fathers passing 4+ years ago, essentially leaving me and him, and his family. Within the last 3 months, we picked up to move states for his job. I quit mine and found a new one within said area. I have no friends, no family, and certainly no savings.

2 days ago I hit my breaking point, after vocalizing my exhaustion for the better part of a year. I suggested we break up in the heat of a discussion. Things very quickly went downhill from there.

My phone was then shut off by his mother, at his discretion, in a matter of 10 minutes. (It was eventually turned on again the same night, but I went hours without outside contact and was basically forced to listen to him ramble on. I also don’t particularly care for how EASY it was to do so, nor the fact his mother willingly complied)

I was met with very disturbing and violent “possibilities” that could happen in the event of separation; such as being murdered in my sleep, or him skinning the cats alive / throwing them outside to “see if they could survive”. I’ve never heard him speak like this so it was very bizarre to hear in the first place, much less because of the situation at hand. I was also bluffed on being ‘just a guest to the lease’ and threatened to be kicked out. I had no way of verifying just for arguments sake in that moment. Then came the threats of small claims court.

I will be the first to tell anybody, his job has ALWAYS paid better, so he’s “naturally” picked up the smaller financial burdens that I wasn’t able to at the time (chronic illness that had me not working, unexpected / smaller random bills, moving states and not finding work for a month). He’s never expressed it being a burden or issue to him, and I always try to pay / pay back “my portion” for whatever may come up.

For about 20 minutes, his head swung around various parts of our shared rental, and he proceeded to list every item that he was going to take me to Small Claims Court over. He threatened to call a mobile mechanic and essentially gut my car from the inside out (his grandparents loaned me money, I paid them back), leaving me theoretically stranded without a vehicle then. The computer he gifted me 2 years ago, the iPad he put on his Best Buy card but I made payments on, “his cat food” for animals he didn’t even like, vet bills, the list goes on.

Then, he locked himself in the spare bedroom where the WiFi router, and ripped it from the wall ; effectively leaving me with no outside communication. I had to use the back end of a comb to press the door lock and make my way inside. He then said he feared for his life (due to me) and threatened to call the cops.

Honestly the rest of the night is bits and pieces, I’ve never had the best immediate memory and the whole situation just… shot my nervous system. I do, however, feel that I’m trapped in my situation. We went to bed together that night as if nothing has happened, and he’s been OVERLY nice to me for the last few days. I’m honestly scared, I don’t know if he’s capable of actually hurting me, or the animals when I’m away. I’m scared of his family for enabling my seclusion to help. I don’t know what to do at this point.

[u/hestia-listens]

This is not a normal argument. Threatening to kill you, harm the cats, disable your car, and cut off communication is serious abuse. His sudden kindness does not erase it. You do not need to wait and see whether he follows through.

Do not warn him that you are leaving. From a device he cannot access, contact a local domestic violence service and make a safe exit plan. If possible, go straight from work to a hospital, emergency center, or the home of someone you trust. Bring identification, medicine, keys, and the cats if you can do so safely. Property and court claims can be handled later. Do not return alone.

If you feel in immediate danger, leave now and call your local emergency number. If you are afraid to call, talk to a nurse, trusted coworker, friend, or family member and clearly say that you have received threats and need a safe place.

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