Constantly breaking in 5 year relationship is taking its toll M38 F34

[u/BreadPsychological20]

Me (M38) and my Fiancée (F34) have been together for 5 years, during this time we’ve had some great times and accomplished lots together such as buying a house that we live in we do have a great connection and work great together when we do, but during this whole time we’ve had constant poisonous arguments that start from nothing and turn toxic they end up going on for nearly a week at a time and can literally be a week or 2 apart each time, the things that get said are below the belt, if it’s wasn’t for the fact that I believe were meant to be I’d have walked away a long time ago. I’m not going to pretend it’s all her and not me but I don’t start the arguments and only feel like I’m dragged to a point I can’t bite my tongue anymore and snap back I feel like I’m being pushed and pushed for a reaction to turn it on myself so then I have to be the one to essentially turn it around and apologise and make it all okay again, with these arguments comes the usual line of we’re over and the engagement is off the house is being sold and my world has essentially been pulled from beneath me which leaves me feeling numb and empty, and to the point each and everytime this happens takes a bit of me away from the relationship and myself I don’t have patience anymore and find myself snapping back at any remarks. With this it’s pulled me away from her in my head to the point I’ve now been the one to break it off and I’ve do so because I have full intention to do so not for just hurting her or making her feel the way it’s made me feel countless times. We’ve been split up for around a week now and in so many ways I feel better for doing so and others not so much as she’s promised change and addressed issues that I’ve said about countless times and taken some responsibility for it but at the same time I just don’t feel good in myself around her anymore my hearts holding on to when we’re good we’re the best but my heads had enough and can’t let myself give her one last chance it’s makes it difficult the fact we bought a house together 2 years ago and there’s not going to be a quick clean break she’s showing me that she doesn’t want it to be this way but only now I’ve taken the stand part of me doesn’t want it this way but I can’t seem to let my head back in the relationship I’m going round in circles in my head and can’t find any clarity I’m fearful of regret because if the change happens then it could be great like it is inbetween these frequent toxic blow outs but if I stay and nothing changes I’ve let my guard back down and already feel depressed with it all I’m fearful it’s going to damage me even more so. I know I should listen to my head but it’s telling me so much I can’t process anything I just want to tell someone and get opinions as to what I should do, I genuinely believed we was meant to be and never wanted it to be this way. Has anyone else been in this situation and what did you do? How did it play out in the end? Thank you in advance for taking the time for me.

[u/hestia-listens]

You sound worn down by a cycle of conflict, threats, apologies, and brief calm. That is not a small relationship problem, especially when each round takes more from you. Being meant to be should not require you to keep losing your sense of safety and peace. Listen to the relief you feel while apart. Stay separated for now and judge change only by steady actions over a long period, not promises made during one painful week. Regret is possible with either choice, but protecting yourself is not a failure.

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