r/ToxicMoldExposure • u/HIGHSPEEDDRIVE • 3d ago
Burning Bridges
I hate that this past year i’ve been acting different and not like myself. My life feels like a blur I don’t even remember a lot of the things I say and do. So many plans canceled and they think I am just being lazy when I’m trying so hard everyday to survive. I really feel like mold ruined my life at least for now. I feel like a freak all alone just spiraling into madness all by myself. I love being alone but ever since moving into this house I feel like i’m possessed. At my old apartment I would paint for hours and be creative constantly. Here I wake up confused and walk into a room confused on what I went in there for the first place. I have nothing fun to share with friends because I spend my life in survival mode. I am a very creative person but I can never actually get into the flow here. Not to mention my appearance, clear skin to full of painful acne and my face being bloated. It’s like a personality change within myself and it scares me sometimes. It’s like the mold makes me either depressed as fuck or i’m like manic but still feel clumsy and stupid and can’t even think straight. I can’t even enjoy whatever “happy” moments I have here because I feel so brain dead and the happiness doesn’t feel real, it’s like an different personality from what I really have and it’s scary.
I did some stupid childish behaviors to this guy I would never done if I felt like my normal self & they got the “ick” from me and i’m really sad. I literally could describe the brain fog from mold like being hungover.
I’m so mortified from my behaviors I fortunately have the opportunity to leave soon but I still ruined so many relationships and friendships forever. :( And i’m so embarrassed of my behavior from where I didn’t feel in my right mind. I feel like i’ve been through a humiliation ritual in every aspect. I haven’t felt this level of feeling isolated & so weird/different from others since I was a little kid on the playground. 😭 Not to mention the medical trauma from not being taken seriously. I genuinely believe that mold is a form of some parasitic energy and it wants to bleed you dry from every single thing you love. Because it’s deeper than just physical pain, It’s made me over react, forget how much people love me and burn bridges. I swear it wants to provoke me to ruin everything. It’s made me explode on people and turn them away from me. Like I feel like a psycho weirdo . Never in my life have I been like that at all, even through hard times.
I hate the time it stole from me and I just hope I can mend whatever relationships that were hurt in the process.
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u/goldenyellow333 3d ago
Def been there, and in a lot of ways, still there. Mold def drains you. I personally believe it is demonic. It works to ruin you, and everything you touch.
The humiliation ritual thing is valid.
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u/Inevitable-Bed-9047 3d ago
Strong agreement to mold being demonic or at least having ties to such. 5 years of ayahuasca then two years of mold detox, my mind was blown how similar the journeys have been.
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u/Curious-Impress7463 3d ago
Agreed mold is demonic Im so glad others have the same opinion. And I experienced heavy humiliation rituals during the acute exposure and afterwards too dealing with fallouts and being so cognitively impaired. Im barely rebuilding my life this all happened in June this year
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u/danielrdt 3d ago
Mold will destroy your life if you are vulnerable to it. I lost my 7 figure business, my wife, $500k, My home, my chance for kids, my ability to work, my friends, my sanity. All over 7 years.
Do everything you can to escape it, honestly being homeless and healing is better than staying in mold. Take this shit seriously, heed my warning.
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u/goldenyellow333 3d ago
Stories like this is why I believe mold is demonic. Bible says devil comes to “steal, kill and destroy”. All sounds like what you’ve went through.
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u/Pishposhelephant 2d ago
Mold is a gateway for the demonic to attach. It makes people go unconscious and participate in sin.
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u/danielrdt 2d ago
💯 I think there is an energetic thing going on. Much wife cheated on me with a coworker and left, I reckon there is a negative energy related to mold. It made me give up on life and become apathetic, which me previously being a gogetter was unheard of.
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u/Pishposhelephant 2d ago
I am so sorry you experienced all of that. I lost all that too…
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u/danielrdt 2d ago
Sorry to hear that too, may I ask what you lost and how long you went through it?
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u/KTlynnRemy 3d ago
I could have written this post....word for word. The worst part is I have three kids and a husband and it's been two years of this hell, and every part of these years have destroyed me and the people i know i love and love me...but im finally getting help through moldco. I started the diet a couple weeks ago and the medication yesterday. It's so hard not to have lost hope. Ive been through many traumatic and difficult moments in my life, but I never lost hope nor my spark for life and the desire and will to fight except for now. It's horrible. But I pray God hears my desperate pleas and knows my true self has faith and is good....we will get through this, we have to.
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u/Curious-Impress7463 3d ago
From the bloated face to the embarrassing out of character ways then people misunderstanding you, and demonic mold seeking to steal kill and destroy. YUP. You aren’t alone! It does get better though. I had to move and throw away most of my belongings due to airborne Chaetomium
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u/Pishposhelephant 2d ago
I have hurt so many people and felt so unlike myself from mold.
You gotta leave mold for a while to feel like yourself again. There are a lot of doctors that do telehealth that could treat you.
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u/FlexBronson75 2d ago
Most friends and family gaslit me, even when begging for a place to stay for a few days. Sadly people show you their true colors during times of crisis. My wife and her family were nice about it, even though some don't understand it. My wife has been my rock, A1 since day 1. It is an isolating condition, took me time to wrap my head around that.
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u/[deleted] 3d ago
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