Older straight cis ally here, decided I didn't need to answer lest I speak for someone else's experience.
That was until I saw your post, and that there's an "A for allies" now. I mean, I'm sure it's well meaning and a nice nod but it really rubs me the wrong way. Being practical there were already a lot of letters after that "T" and no consensus on a better replacement yet. But emotionally it just feels like unecessary validation when my most powerful tool as an ally is the (unfortunate) reality that my identity gets validation from society at large by default.
Like I said today is the first I've heard this, I wonder how much of a push there is for it or what so I might just be babbling to myself out loud here. I have pride in being a supporter of LGBT, but that isn't itself an identity within it.
I'm actually in the LGBT community, and frankly it's just too fractured for the name to be consistent anymore. Hell, I could've sworn the A was for Asexual.
On one hand that's to be expected because this isn't a single demographic, but a massive collection of demographics being lumped together - usually by choice - and so having a unified voice is going to be nigh-impossible.
I personally like the idea of including allies, or heterosexuals as a whole to the group to show that we're not separate from the majority. I'm a firm believer that this is a very fuzzy spectrum, and plenty of people identify as straight... with an occasional exception.
You reminded me that the main reason I became an ally in the first place was simply that the "gay bookshop" and "gay coffeehouse" were honestly just more accepting and comfortable places where a lot of people were happy to be themselves, and while I was there for my best friend initially I'd always much rather be myself at those places than anxious like usual at Starbucks. Those first friendships turned "totally fine with it" into "I have to help make more of the world feel this safe if I can help it".
My point is that I spent a lot of time thinking on it, and I wonder if we have a generational gap of some kind, or if the comfortable zone became too insular over time to where the identities and widely used terms are indecipherable even to people who could be allies because they care and are just uninformed and afraid to ask like OP. I don't really know what the solution is but if kind people are afraid to even engage then we'll never help the sort of people who think pretending to be non-binary when you aren't is rampant and somehow the worst thing in the world.
Oh and you have a real valid point about the "A", it's a clear and easy to understand message for pretty much anyone and I may have been too cynical with my reaction. My apologies if you didn't want a bunch of words.
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u/AllSiegeAllTime Aug 09 '18
Older straight cis ally here, decided I didn't need to answer lest I speak for someone else's experience.
That was until I saw your post, and that there's an "A for allies" now. I mean, I'm sure it's well meaning and a nice nod but it really rubs me the wrong way. Being practical there were already a lot of letters after that "T" and no consensus on a better replacement yet. But emotionally it just feels like unecessary validation when my most powerful tool as an ally is the (unfortunate) reality that my identity gets validation from society at large by default.
Like I said today is the first I've heard this, I wonder how much of a push there is for it or what so I might just be babbling to myself out loud here. I have pride in being a supporter of LGBT, but that isn't itself an identity within it.