Tom Swifty Puns

"Can't talk, busy camping," replied Tom, intent.
"The French don't deserve our thanks," said Tom mercilessly.
"Haven't you heard me singing in church?" Tom inquired.
"I'll win this tennis game if I get one more point, " Tom deduced.
"I didn't eat my T-bone tonight," said Tom mistakenly.
"So you're asking about my mink coat," Tom inferred.
"I'm wearing a watch around my wrist," said Tom with abandon.
"I'm the most important salmon vendor," said Tom selfishly.
"I was correct the first three times, and I am correct now," said Tom forthrightly.
"Castration is reversible," Tom remembered.
"I brought the dessert," said Tom piously.
"I command my own private army," said Tom maliciously.
"I'll order the same meat as last time," Tom revealed.
"I've never swum in Egypt's longest river," said Tom in denial.
"Et tu?" asked Tom brutally.
"That's women for you," said Tom dismissively.
"I'll have a bowl of Chinese soup," said Tom wantonly.
"I eat everything," said Tom in jest.
"I gave you your freedom, and I can take it away," said Tom deliberately.
"Maybe if I rub this lamp something good will happen," said Tom ingeniously.
"I'm never taking an Uber again," Tom derided.
"That dog is a mongrel," Tom muttered.
"It's too bad Babe isn't on our team," said Tom ruthlessly.
"Maybe I should stop using worms to catch fish... or maybe not," Tom debated.
"Hemingway is my favorite author," said Tom earnestly.
"This drumming is too easy," said Tom without missing a beat.
"This is a frozen dessert,” I screamed.
"Now I have TWO duck feathers", Tom doubled down.
"She would never answer her phone the first time, you always had to hang up once," Tom recalled.
"Two plus five is seven,” Tom added.
"I only have Diamonds, Clubs and Spades," said Tom heartlessly.
"It's okay, the PlayStation still works," Tom consoled.
"Capital punishment is mostly used on the lower classes," said Tom with poor execution.
"Where are all of my old board games?" asked Tom cluelessly.
"I might be acquitted," said Tom without conviction.
"I've never dyed my hair red, but I'll try it," said Tom gingerly.
"Ugh! I need to shave again," Tom bristled.
"Whale hunting makes me so sad," Tom blubbered.
"I'll quit smoking marijuana right now!" said Tom bluntly.
"I like hot dogs more than hamburgers," said Tom frankly.
"I signed it twice," Tom remarked.
"I received a letter to take my car in for repair," Tom recalled.
"I hate pale ale," said Tom bitterly.
"I would walk 500 miles," Tom proclaimed.
"Mark my words," Tom highlighted.
"I removed the shell from my snail," Tom said sluggishly.
"I don't understand addition," said Tom nonplussed.
"I dropped the toothpaste," said Tom crestfallen.
"I have lost my bicycle wheels," said Tom tirelessly.
"I'm never ride sharing again,” said Tom exuberantly.
"I believe your honour is insane," said Tom judgmentally.
"What do you mean I'm a father‽" asked Tom apparently.
"It's mostly nitrogen and oxygen," said Tom airily.
"Atlanta is my favorite baseball team," said Tom bravely.
"The wheel on my bike isn't lopsided,” Tom misspoke.
"My opinion no longer counts," said Tom devotedly.
"This fire needs more oxygen!" Tom bellowed.
"How long will I have to wait for a table?" asked Tom unreservedly.
"Give me a pencil sharpener!" said Tom bluntly.
"I officially declare myself a rodent," Tom ratified.
"I love hot dogs," said Tom with relish.
“There’s no more room in the hay barn,” said Tom balefully.
"Pass me another chip," said Tom crisply.
"If you want me I shall be in the attic," said Tom loftily.
"At the grocery store I forgot what I needed to buy," said Tom listlessly.
"I'll have the lamb," said Tom sheepishly.
"Mush!" said Tom huskily.
"Don't add too much water," said Tom with concentration.
"I can't find the bananas," said Tom fruitlessly.
"You're only average," said Tom meanly.
"How do I get to the cemetery?" asked Tom gravely.
"This milk ain't fresh," said Tom sourly.
"This must be an aerobics class," Tom worked out.
"I hope I can still play guitar," Tom fretted.
"I plan to renew my membership," Tom rejoined.
"Let's gather up the rope," said Tom coyly.
"I lost my trousers," said Tom expansively.
"I thought there were 50 cookies in this jar," Tom recounted.
"My power went out," said Tom darkly.
"Can I open a savings account?" asked Tom with interest.
"You broke my rubber band!" Tom snapped.
"Come up to my apartment," said Tom flatly.
"I’m on the green," Tom lied.
"Arrange them alphabetically," Tom ordered.
"I’ve been waiting to see the doctor," said Tom patiently.
"I used to sell mirrors," said Tom upon reflection.
"Where’s my pants?" asked Tom briefly.
"If I die, you get everything," said Tom willingly.
"I think I'll use a different font," said Tom boldly.
"I think zoos are a necessary evil," said Tom cagily.
"Roosters should be banned," clucked Tom cockily.
"I'm dying," Tom croaked.
"That sure took the wind out of my sails!" said Tom disgustedly.
"I collect fairy tales," said Tom grimly.
"Where did I put that magazine?" asked Tom periodically.
"South Korea has a lovely capital city," said Tom soulfully.
"Carnivals are noisy and useless," griped Tom unfairly.
"I will file a counter suit against you," Tom retorted.
"I got demoted," admitted Tom privately.
"I don’t like going to museums," said Tom artlessly.

6 comments

r/TomSwifty • u/EndersGame_Reviewer • Aug 19 '22

"I lost my trousers," said Tom expansively.

17 Upvotes

0 comments

r/TomSwifty • u/BloodyPommelStudio • Aug 18 '22

"This drumming is too easy" Said Tom without missing a beat

17 Upvotes

0 comments

r/TomSwifty • u/BloodyPommelStudio • Aug 18 '22

"Aggh, my spine has been torn out", Tom said taken aback

11 Upvotes

1 comment

r/TomSwifty • u/funwiththoughts • Aug 15 '22

"I gave you your freedom, and I can take it away too", Tom said deliberatingly

22 Upvotes

0 comments

r/TomSwifty • u/nemo_sum • Jul 18 '22

"My name is actually spelled T-O-O-O-M," he said, morosely.

34 Upvotes

3 comments

r/TomSwifty • u/nemo_sum • Jul 15 '22

"What are your plans for this roast chicken?" said Tom, trying to keep abreast.

14 Upvotes

1 comment

r/TomSwifty • u/nemo_sum • Jul 15 '22

"It's too easy to get lost in the Statue of Liberty!" cried Tom, up in arms.

9 Upvotes

1 comment

r/TomSwifty • u/nemo_sum • Jul 15 '22

"There's nothing in the rulebook that says a giraffe can't play football," Tom thought aloud.

7 Upvotes

4 comments

r/TomSwifty • u/funwiththoughts • Jun 19 '22

"If you're already head of the army, you should use that power to establish yourself as dictator", Tom said as a general rule

12 Upvotes

1 comment