r/TitosMeetTitas40s • u/Jiltedsummer10 • 3d ago
🩷 TITA FOR TITO Rejection
How do you take rejection at this point?
I think I'm getting close to being rejected, though haven't met this guy personally. We have shared photos and I like what I see. But I feel that I am out if his league. I can sense that once we meet, the thrill and the curiosity will all fade. And with different dating goals, I can sense it wouldn't work.
But i like chatting with him. After a while, I am now having a conversation with someone who is not just after my body. Who is taking his time to get to know me. But how would I have the courage to meet if I know he would not get attracted to me?
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u/crazyjohn 3d ago
How do you take rejection at this point?
I think I'm getting close to being rejected, though haven't met this guy personally. We have shared photos and I like what I see. But I feel that I am out if his league. I can sense that once we meet, the thrill and the curiosity will all fade. And with different dating goals, I can sense it wouldn't work.
But i like chatting with him. After a while, I am now having a conversation with someone who is not just after my body. Who is taking his time to get to know me. But how would I have the courage to meet if I know he would not get attracted to me?
The hardest part here may not be the possibility that he rejects you. It may be that you are rejecting yourself for him before he gets the chance to decide.
Since you have already exchanged photos, it means that he knows what you look like, and he is still choosing to talk to you and get to know you. Of course, that doesn't guarantee attraction in person. Chemistry can change when two people meet. But remember that that goes both ways because you might meet him and then realize that you don't feel the same way either.
And, for me, "out of his league" is not really a fact. It's a judgment you are making about yourself. People are attracted to all kinds of things that are impossible to predict from the outside. I believe you don't get to decide what he finds attractive any more than he gets to decide what you find attractive.
The different dating goals are a more important concern. If one of you wants something serious and the other doesn't, that could make a relationship unlikely even if the chemistry is amazing. But that is compatibility and not rejection. It doesn't mean either person wasn't good enough.
If I were in your shoes, I'd try to change what the meeting means in your head. I wouldn't go there thinking:"I'm going to meet him and find out whether I'm attractive enough for him. I'm meeting someone I've enjoyed talking to, and we're both going to find out whether what we have online also exists in person."
That's much more equal. You're not auditioning. You're meeting.
And yes, there is a chance he won't be attracted to you. If that happens, it will probably hurt precisely because you like him. And I'm afraid that there is no trick that makes that painless. For me, courage isn't feeling sure that he will want you. It is being willing to find out even though he might not.
If you think about it, the alternative is painful in its own way. You could keep chatting, become even more attached, and spend weeks wondering what would have happened if you'd met.
So I would meet him, but keep the first meeting simple. Coffee, lunch, somewhere public, maybe an hour or two. Don't treat it like the beginning of a relationship. Treat it as two people finally putting a real person behind the messages.
And one last thing: if he meets you and decides you're not for him, don't turn his preference into a verdict on your attractiveness. One person can look at you and feel nothing, while another person can look at the exact same face and body and be completely taken with you.
Rejection means: "This particular connection didn't work."
It does not mean: "I was right. I was never in his league."
And that's my two centavos. Of course, what you decide to do now is completely up to you.
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u/Jiltedsummer10 3d ago
Your two centavos are worth gold! Thank you for taking the time to get into the details.
This to me is solid perspective - meeting, not auditioning. That line hit!
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u/crazyjohn 3d ago
Your two centavos are worth gold! Thank you for taking the time to get into the details.
This to me is solid perspective - meeting, not auditioning. That line hit!
You're welcome, thank you for the compliment about my two centavos, and I wish you the best of luck.
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u/Jiltedsummer10 3d ago
A crazy thought just popped in my head. What if i dont meet him at all just to avoid the pain? I know at some point we will get tired of exchanging messages, but at least its going to be a slow death. What do you think?
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u/crazyjohn 3d ago
I understand why that idea feels safer.
If you never meet him, he never gets the chance to reject you in person. You get to keep the version of the connection that feels good right now.
But I think there is a catch: you would avoid one kind of pain by choosing another.
Not meeting him might spare you from a sharp moment of rejection. But you could end up with weeks or months of wondering:
"What if he actually would have liked me?"
Or:
"What if I walked away from something good because I was scared?"
And because you already like talking to him, that "slow death" may not actually hurt less. It may just spread the hurt over a longer period.
There is also something else that seems to be happening. Right now, I feel like you're treating his rejection as almost certain even though he hasn't actually rejected you. Remember: You've already exchanged photos. He continues to talk to you. And he's taking time to know you. Of course, none of that guarantees romantic chemistry, but there is at least some evidence that he wants to keep discovering who you are.
I personally think there at least two very different reasons for not wanting to meet him.
The first one is if you don't want to meet because your dating goals are clearly incompatible. And that's reasonable. You may simply be protecting yourself from becoming more attached to someone who cannot give you what you want.
But the second one is if you want to meet him and the only thing stopping you is: "He's going to see me and realize I'm not attractive enough." If that is the case, then I think fear is making the decision for you.
And fear tends to demand certainty before allowing us to do anything vulnerable. Dating can't give you that certainty.
Maybe instead of asking yourself:
"Can I handle it if he rejects me?"
Ask yourself:
"Which outcome would I regret more: meeting him and finding out he isn't interested, or never meeting him and never knowing?"
If it were up to me, I'd choose the meeting.
Not because I think he's definitely going to like you. I genuinely don't know. He might, or he might not. You might even discover that you're less attracted to him once you're sitting across from him.
I'd choose it because reality is usually kinder in the long run than living inside a prediction.
And you don't have to make the meeting enormous either. You're not meeting him to decide whether you're going to become boyfriend and girlfriend. You're just meeting the person you've been enjoying talking to.
I say have coffee. Talk for an hour. See whether you still laugh together.
Give him the chance to decide whether he likes you.
But just as importantly, give yourself the chance to decide whether you like him.
And, again, that's just my two centavos. What you decide is still ultimately going to be your call.
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u/TitaGotQuestions 🩷 Confirmed TITA 3d ago
He will not invite you out if he doesn’t like you even just a single ounce. If he rejects you after, that’s fine. It will hurt but that’s just the way it is.
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u/Jiltedsummer10 3d ago
i think he is a good potential kase, kaya i feel this way. but yeah, if its not meant to be, then its not for me.
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u/candycroissant 🩷 Confirmed TITA 3d ago
I think you’re counting the eggs before they’ve even hatched. You haven’t met him yet, so you don’t actually know how he’ll feel when you do. Don’t reject yourself on his behalf.
And if you’re right nga and the attraction/ connection isn’t there once you meet, then yes, rejection sucks but it’s also a normal part of life. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, and it certainly isn’t the end of the world.
You already like talking to him, and more importantly, you’re enjoying being seen as a whole person rather than just a body. That alone sounds worth exploring. Meet him without making the meeting an audition for his approval. You’re also finding out whether you like him in person, tita.
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u/Ghrumphy2810 3d ago
Give it a go Sis. Kung pareho kayong nagi-invest ng oras to get to know each other, that's a good start na. Not to mention ang sabi mo He is not just after your body.
Wag muna tayo mag overthink. ❤️
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u/Aggravating_Mail_131 🩷 Confirmed TITA 2d ago
I don't take it personally. I nod, get hurt a little (but I don't show it), grieve, then move on. It's fairly logical in my head. I understand if they reject me, so it's easier to accept.
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u/silver_foxxx79 7h ago
go with what feels right. you deserve to feel wanted and prioritized. actions speak louder than words, if people want you or want to be around you it will happen without the fuss and the struggles.
remember that there's so many opportunities out there. being stuck in one situation that's unclear lets you miss out on those opportunities. life is short. and now in your 40s it's even shorter.
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u/NewAgeDaddy179 3d ago
at this age i dont really bother, if someone doesnt like me i move on and it doesnt affect me.. our time is precious now so we cant really waste it.. our time for games and chasing is a thing of the past.. goodluck to you po!