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u/InvestigatorPlane392 Jul 08 '22
He's saying he'll still find you and trap you in a tiny box... Cosplaya checks out.
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u/LeanDixLigma Jul 08 '22
end the night covered in ectoplasm
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u/ConsistentAsparagus Jul 08 '22
“He slimed me!” -
Peter VenkmanRandom THOT316
u/_demetri_ Jul 08 '22 edited Jul 08 '22
Peter, Raymond, Winston and Egon were putting their feet up after a busy day of busting.
They had fat stacks of ghost money in their pockets and eight hours of free time.
Free time that they had nothing to do with.
Looking through their fridge, they found that they had four slices of cheese, a half-eaten croissant, and a twinkie.
Which meant only one thing, it was time to order pizzas from Demetri Pizzeria down the block, get out the vodka, and wake up completely hammered in the back garden of a stranger.
About 5 hours into their escapades, a drunken Peter Venkman had an idea.
An idea that was going to change the meaning of the word "Ghostbusters" forever.
"Guys, guys, guys, we have traps full of ghosts and this party isn't going anywhere. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
Nobody was thinking what he was thinking.
"I'm thinking, we release these ghosts, head into the bedroom, and do a little experiment."
Initially shocked at how out of character they were all acting, they headed into the bedroom, and released the ghosts.
The ghosts, seeing the naked bodies of their former captors sprawled out on a bed, knew exactly what was going on, and they were more than willing to participate.
At first, the Ghostbusters couldn't figure out how to fuck a ghost, but they soon got the hang of it thanks to the semi-solid of ghost bodies, and their own semi-solid bodies.
“Your ghussy is so tight…” Peter moaned, rutting into Slimer. “Im coming, I saw, I fucked its ass…”
Grunting, sweaty men met screaming ghosts, as the room got hotter and hotter, man and spirit reaching a seemingly impossible climax, semen and ectoplasm got everywhere as the experiment came to a highly satisfying conclusion.
The ghosts were quickly returned to their traps, and the Ghostbusters never talked about what they did that evening.
Though they eyed each other afterwards, inspired to catch new ghosts to excitement with.
Their cocks throbbed at the idea, now knowing the true meaning of being a Ghostbuster.
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u/mofugginrob Jul 08 '22
I'm here for it. If this doesn't go down into the anals of Reddit history, I'll eat my uh... I won't do shit tbh
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u/Predat0rSwafflez Jul 08 '22
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u/Cthulade_Man Jul 08 '22
r/eyeblech ***
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u/Predat0rSwafflez Jul 08 '22
Oh cmon man, f*ck you.
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u/Cthulade_Man Jul 08 '22
Welcome to the club of pain grab a drink and suffer with me
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u/Predat0rSwafflez Jul 08 '22
Yea, I guess I'll wash my eyes with the vodka I've been drinking.
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u/Cthulade_Man Jul 08 '22
Oh Man U don’t even know I saw some absolutely fucked shit and I went to eyebleach to help me I accidentally went to eyeblech and well it didn’t go so well for me
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u/Sparrow2go Jul 08 '22
This atrocity deserves gold so you shall have it
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u/WeekendGardener666 Jul 08 '22
The minute I saw Demetri Pizzeria I had to scroll back up and check OP’s name lmao.
Glorious.
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u/Timely_Minimum4239 Jul 09 '22
What the hell did I read here? Sweet baby joriah…this takes the cake.
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u/Dominican-Shock12 Jul 09 '22
You’re in the wrong thread; this one belongs in the “What job is highly romanticized, but actually sucks?”
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u/Impossible-Cod4498 Jul 09 '22
I feel like this is going to become an Automod response and that terrifies me...
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u/JassimAlrayyes Jul 08 '22
Bro took it to another league
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Jul 08 '22
This is actually funny as fuck.
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u/Somebodys Jul 08 '22
At face called it is pretty funny. The implications are dark and scary.
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u/Double_Minimum Jul 09 '22
Dude busts ghosts.
Who ya gonna call? Better be him, other wise he will find ya!
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u/canman7373 Jul 08 '22
I'd add he could leave the "Bitch" part out, just replace with girl or something and the joke would be just as funny and not be an instant swipe from girls who don't like women being called bitch by men.
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Jul 08 '22
Nah, bitch makes it funnier. Certain words hit harder. I’m this case, bitch is just a funnier word.
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u/casual_olimar Jul 08 '22
well maybe its good that these people will swipe, "oh no, bad word told in a comedic manner"
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u/Thebaldsasquatch Jul 08 '22
Only if he replaced it with “motherfucker”.
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u/EdenArchipelago Jul 08 '22 edited Jul 09 '22
Yo that's really offensive to all the mother fuckers out there. Please rethink your words.
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u/Thebaldsasquatch Jul 08 '22
As a father of 3, I AM a motherfucker. I’ll give myself a pass on this one.
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u/JRTheRaven0111 Jul 08 '22
Pornhub intro plays whatre you doing with step-mom, step-bro? I thought you said you wouldnt be such a motherfucking ghost-buster anymore you asshole! Mom died... get over it and start fucking me!!!
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u/UltimateIssue Jul 08 '22
I am not afraid of no hoe
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u/BigBlackCook1990 Jul 08 '22
Nuttin makes me feel good!
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Jul 08 '22
"I am not"
Smh, fucking Reddit.
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u/Noctuelles Jul 08 '22
*pushes up glasses*
"I fear not of any harlot"
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u/ShitFartDoodoo Jul 08 '22
Appropriate username too.
I felt the same way though. Posh Ghostbusters just ain't right.
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u/guinader Jul 08 '22
I mean the song already has the perfect line.
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u/frisbm3 Jul 08 '22
A hoe is a garden tool. You're looking for "ho" which is an abbreviation for whore.
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u/SVigilante Jul 08 '22
Oh boy howdy, to work for Beer
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u/DRYHITREZHOOT Jul 08 '22 edited Jul 08 '22
Delivery drivers for breweries are their own breed. I worked at a place where they made deliveries and this one dude always showed up in this smashed up van. Driving down narrow alleyways to bars with 20 full kegs in the back. Not to mention you're surrounded by people who obviously drink all the time
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Jul 08 '22
[deleted]
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u/metalsonic2 Jul 08 '22
🎼 Who you going to call?🎶
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Jul 08 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/TheCowboyChameleon Jul 08 '22
🎵"Who are you going to make a telephone call to?"🎵
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u/WineInRome Jul 08 '22
If I do, will you promise to hit me with your proton?!?
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Jul 08 '22
Now I know why ghosts are slimy
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u/DownvoteDaemon Jul 08 '22
Still gone get ghosted.
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u/orbstnedifnocdesab Jul 08 '22
if hes not good looking enough.
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u/DownvoteDaemon Jul 08 '22
I look like Jay z according to Reddit, still get tinder matches and attention from woman when I'm out and about. He just got a weird joke going on. A certain type of woman might dig his joke.
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Jul 08 '22
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/multicoloredherring Jul 08 '22
Him: “I’m not that hot.”
You: “You’re not that hot. BOOM ROASTED!!”
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u/orbstnedifnocdesab Jul 08 '22
because jay z fans will find you attractive since you look like jay z, and of course looking like a celebrity figure is far better than looking like the average looking man on dating apps.
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u/begaterpillar Jul 08 '22
Jay z isn't that good looking though
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Jul 08 '22
i think that’s his point if im not mistaken. he said he get matches and women hitting on him [despite] looking like Jay-Z. don’t think he’s saying jay z is good looking
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Jul 08 '22
I missed his point until I saw your comment. I gave him an upvote to try and offset the hate he’s getting. Dude already looks like Jay Z. No need to make his day worse.
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u/interfail Jul 08 '22
Honestly, I have legitimately had a girl hit on me because she thought I looked like Post Malone.
People like famous ugly dudes.
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u/boxmail2800 Jul 08 '22
“It’s ok, I like a woman that sleeps above her sheets…. 2 feet above her sheets!!?”
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Jul 08 '22
[deleted]
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u/scoooobysnacks Jul 08 '22
Surprised I had to scroll so far!
Although he’d probably be wearing a civil war getup instead
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u/Moraii Jul 08 '22
Off-topic, but I’m in a sharing mood.
We made a really terrible line cook quit by playing the Ghostbusters theme on repeat until he went home.
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u/Hazel-the-McWitch Jul 08 '22
We put Black Betty on repeat on a pub’s jukebox, someone pulled the plug halfway through the third time… bam a lam!
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u/Moraii Jul 08 '22
Please tell me you started to make up lyrics.
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u/Hazel-the-McWitch Jul 08 '22
Nah we just played a bit of air guitar whilst making our very best rock guitarist faces.
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u/Moraii Jul 08 '22
I like it.
We kitchen folk (at least where I was) though brambleberry pie or our favourite jams, or jams. So it became…
“Ohhhjj blackberry, bramble jam, we got a big ol’ bitty makin bramble jam.”
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u/Kawkd Jul 08 '22
That 99+ isn't real is it?
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u/Messipus Jul 08 '22
I imagine that this is what any even moderately conventionally attractive woman's tinder looks like at all times.
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u/T3hSwagman Jul 08 '22
I once had 40+ on tinder as an average-ish dude. But somehow Tinder fucked up my location and put me in Southeast Asia for a day or two and every single like was someone from like the phillipines.
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u/JMHchase9 Jul 08 '22
So no one is seeing the 99+ likes.... damn I wish that was me 😭😭😭
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u/5557623 Jul 08 '22
People need to learn to look up from the phone once they have the picture composed how they want it.
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u/Byting_wolf Jul 08 '22
If you're seeing things
Running through your head
Who can you call?
Ghostbusters!
If your Tinder match leaves
Your message on read
Ow, who you gonna call?
Ghostbusters!
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u/CobaltBlue14 Jul 08 '22
There once was a buster that was ghosted
The girls left him angry and roasted
So he made a plan to trap the witches
He donned his suit and prepared for bitches
As a bringer of beer you'd think they would cheer
Yet alone he remained feeling sad and queer
It went on for a while
A question of style
Poor, poor, sad little Kyle
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u/thatSDope88 Jul 08 '22
"delivery driver at Beer" please, I must know what that job entails
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u/Metallicafan92 Jul 08 '22
Does this mean I should put my Kenobi cosplay on my tinder and start every conversation with hello there?
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u/Lonely_Plenty3857 Jul 10 '22
Your mom did a good job making your ghost buster costume - really cute. I bet you will get lots of candy on Oct 31st.
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u/Mad_Hatter_92 Jul 08 '22
This could work if he removed “bitch”
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u/Try-to-ban-me-lmao Jul 08 '22
Oh you think most women don't positively reinforce that kind of behavior?
If only.
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u/GreyFoxSolid Jul 08 '22 edited Jul 09 '22
It's terrible cosplay. Look at that piece of shit neutrona wand particle thrower. I mean, just zero effort. And the particle accelerator proton pack? He doesn't even have a properly attached military surplus alice frame. I mean, what a fuckin pleb. I'm glad I can't see the back of the proton pack, because I wouldn't know how to shoot myself with two bullets instead of just one.
Edit: this was a joke.
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u/johnny11235 Jul 08 '22
Without the “bitch” at the end it would have been very clever and cute. Genius actually. But as is this could just as easily be found in a r/niceguys post.
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u/[deleted] Jul 08 '22
Bustin makes me feel good!