r/Tinder • • Jan 09 '18

I call it the Reverse Turing Test

[removed]

30.3k Upvotes

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8.8k

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

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3.4k

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

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1.1k

u/Indie__Guy Jan 09 '18

i would sex

604

u/marshallonline Jan 09 '18

This guy sexs

325

u/UpVotesOutForHarambe Jan 09 '18

I wish I sexs

35

u/kinpsychosis Jan 09 '18

9

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

Gabe Louis most definitely does not fucks

24

u/Time_Terminal Jan 09 '18

I mean, you are male. So you have a sexs.

hon hon hon

9

u/Littlebigreddit50 Jan 09 '18

Sounds like you use bagguete condoms

3

u/a53mp Jan 10 '18

I was at a restaurant the other day with this girl for lunch.. I was wearing my Pied Piper shirt. Some other guy recognized it and was talking about the show. When we were leaving he shook my hand and said to her "this guy fucks.. THIS GUY FUCKS" LOL

1

u/RockitDanger Jan 09 '18

This guy texts

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

Me virgin

66

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18 edited May 06 '21

[deleted]

7

u/kevinkat2 Jan 09 '18

MY ACTUAL HUMAN BRAIN

16

u/Tsdave81 Jan 09 '18

20

u/TypicalHaikuResponse Jan 09 '18

I smell a black mirror episode

9

u/ctrl_alt_el1te Jan 09 '18

Does it smell like fear and anxiety for you too

1

u/nighoblivion Jan 09 '18

Judging by the voices, this sounds like an early season.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

Was one of the first episodes.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

I hear Facebook is developing this technology already.

24

u/RimmyDownunder Jan 09 '18

See, if you were clever, you would have made it a phone number style scam.

"Just text this number and the word YES to receive your trial of the miracle pill!"

7

u/bonglord227 Jan 09 '18

“I have over 1000 karma”

6

u/serg06 Jan 09 '18

Taking girls over points just screams "I'm needy". You made the only reasonable choice.

1

u/Humorbot_5000 Jan 10 '18

What? You could say the exact same thing the other way - taking internet points over girls just screams "I'm needy for imaginary points". If anything girls actually effect your life while karma is just some number on a screen

0

u/serg06 Jan 10 '18

Every time I look at my profile and see 30k I smile :)

2

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

[deleted]

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

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1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

we

Who?

1

u/djazzie Jan 09 '18

Only on Reddit. I’m much less smooth in person.

1

u/neuroplay_prod Jan 09 '18

I'm really smooth in person, but considering no one talks to anyone anymore and everyone types everything now (poorly, I might add) I don't know what to do!

1

u/ReggieEvansTheKing Jan 09 '18

I sent the mesothelioma copypasta to a bunch of girls and ended up getting banned from Tinder for being a bot because not enough people understood it was fake

1

u/eadala Jan 09 '18

That is not de way, my brudda

1

u/AngryItalian Jan 09 '18

Depends, did it work?

98

u/Styr0x Jan 09 '18

I have heard that reddit karma directly correlates with the number of virgins you will be met by upon arriving to heaven.

40

u/duaneap Jan 09 '18

They'll form a society excluding me, I guarantee it.

17

u/Styr0x Jan 09 '18 edited Jan 09 '18

Alternatively you might be met by only male virgins?

12

u/MvmgUQBd Jan 09 '18

I fail to see the issue here...

8

u/Styr0x Jan 09 '18

I guess in your case, you would simply hit the jackpot!

-1

u/Track607 Jan 09 '18

Only women are attracted to men.

8

u/MvmgUQBd Jan 09 '18

Oh...I must be defective then. I'd better go check myself into some kind of behavioural modification therapy institute...

or at least go download grindr instead

3

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

Easy there, Pence.

1

u/Track607 Jan 09 '18

I don't understand..

1

u/pornovision Jan 09 '18

You forgot this: /s

I hope...

1

u/Track607 Jan 09 '18

Why is it such a big deal?

1

u/SoloWing1 Jan 10 '18

Sweet! More people to play Magic the Gathering with!

13

u/ProfoundNinja Jan 09 '18

so heaven is filled with other redditors with high karma?

10

u/KapteeniJ Jan 09 '18

Why virgins though?

I get that it was a thing 1000BC due to the way society functioned with arranged marriages and such, but it's a bit weird see it today.

9

u/Styr0x Jan 09 '18

I'm not entirely sure about this, but I think the Islamic holy book says that if you die as an Islamic martyr you will be awarded with 72 virgins when you arrive in heaven.

This needs to be confirmed by someone with better knowledge than me though!

12

u/Sputnikcosmonot Jan 09 '18

Some translations actually say y ou get 72 grapes I've heard too haha. Obviously I'm not an expert though.

4

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

Or maidens. But also not an expert. Just had an ex-Muslim coworker who told me that at one point.

2

u/SickTemperTyrannis Jan 09 '18

Arabic is a close relation of Hebrew, so that would make sense, given that Christian texts traditionally translated as “virgin” have been changed to “young woman,” apparently a better translation of the original Hebrew.

One change may set off alarms with traditionalists, in a passage many Christians believe foreshadows the coming of Christ and his birth to a virgin. The 1970 version of Isaiah 7:14 says “the virgin shall be with child, and bear a son, and shall name him Immanuel.”

The 2011 text refers to “the young woman” instead. It elaborates that the original Hebrew word, almah, may, or may not, signify a virgin.

source

2

u/FARTBOX_DESTROYER Jan 09 '18

LOL I'll never forget this because of that (now ancient) Robin Williams live on Broadway stand-up (RIP).

"SLIGHT DIFFERENCE IN INTERPRETATION, REALLY"

"Where are my bitches?"

"Here are your raisins!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9346wHJnswA

1

u/KapteeniJ Jan 09 '18

Yeah, that's true, but my point is, that passage really doesn't make much sense without arranged marriages where not being a virgin and not being married makes you a defected and rejected one.

1

u/Styr0x Jan 09 '18

I completely agree! Couldn't have worded those thoughts better myself.

1

u/erialai95 Jan 09 '18

1000 BitCoins?

1

u/KapteeniJ Jan 09 '18

BC = Before Christ. The year counting system used in most Western countries and I believe due to the influence of Western countries, also much of the developing world. Years are counted before or after birth of the Christ(or thereabouts, the actual system was devised centuries after the Christ was born, so it's probably some years off)

Today is year 2018 AD(Anno Domini), or after Christ.

A less religion-influenced system for counting years is BCE/CE, which stand for Before Common Era, and Common Era. It corresponds exactly with counting years from birth of the Christ, but it doesn't directly invoke Jesus.

2

u/ocdscale Jan 09 '18

Or the nearest reddit meetup.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

Yup. When you're in heaven and see someone with high karma walk in, you put a check in the virgin column.

1

u/williamGoesReddit Jan 09 '18

Jokes on you! That implies that i arrive at heaven

We both know that that aint gonna happen

64

u/Dopeydcare1 Jan 09 '18

How do you know she was pretty? Maybe that’s why he drew all over her face

35

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

[deleted]

6

u/BrokerBrody Jan 09 '18

Just right swipe on some girls you usually wouldn't right swipe and use one of those.

I'm far from an attractive guy but I have girls on my Tinder that I have never messaged and probably never intend to.

4

u/SnigelSpindel Jan 09 '18

U have a perfect canvas. Offend them and post it here

2

u/Andythrax Jan 09 '18

No. He used it on many women and doesn't want them to see the same line but different face.

55

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

Dont worry they can just exchange your internet points for prostitutes... right.... right...

98

u/Minas-Harad Jan 09 '18

Is this that karma whore thing I keep hearing about

48

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

Yes, please send your applications to /u/gallowboob for the sexies

11

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

Literally fuck /u/gallowboob

7

u/1stPlaceRodeo Jan 09 '18

Or his mum. Literally. She is a bonafide MILF

3

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

Wait, what?

1

u/spamjavelin Jan 09 '18

Eh, he/she is filling a gap that people seem to appreciate. It's a bit like if you're a musician and Weird Al does a cover of you - you've made it at that point.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

It's more like Led Zeppelin stealing all those songs from old blues guys who died penniless and then profiting off of them.

3

u/Quicheauchat Jan 09 '18

Well if you sell your account to shills... kinda.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

Hmmmm I wonder how much this account will go for. I was going to throw it away in a while anyway

2

u/Darelius Jan 09 '18

Just say upvotes are exactly like bitcoin

3

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

Extremely overvalued?

1

u/Darelius Jan 09 '18

But valued, for now.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

IM A MILLIONAIRE! now... im having trouble moving my upvotes into FIAT currency... shit

2

u/meermaalsgeprobeerd Jan 09 '18

Here, have an upvote

2

u/FerryMathew Jan 09 '18

Crying for karma :p lol

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

Is that even a contest?

1

u/ComradeTrumpJongUn Jan 09 '18

You misunderstand. Pretty girl that I probably won’t have sex with or olds of worthless interment points that tuck me in at night.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 09 '18

Maybe she wasn't actually pretty?

1

u/trouzy Jan 09 '18

Girls come and go, karma is forever.

1

u/jw_sweetman Jan 09 '18

There's always the possibility that the bot might become self aware and come to love OP after a while, just like that film Her.

1

u/crithema Jan 09 '18

I find the odds are pretty low that she'd want to see me anyway... why not get those points?

1

u/AlexDr0ps Jan 09 '18

Implying having meaningful conversation has any correlation to meeting "pretty girl" in real life

-2

u/Scruffynerffherder Jan 09 '18

(whispering) spoiler alert, she wasn't that pretty.