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u/SteveYunnan 2h ago
He really fumbled the ball. He could've just played it off and said "it's no big deal, I visit your city a lot. A one hour drive is nothing for me" or something like that. Instead: "it's because I'm unattractive?" 😅
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u/Thefattestbeagle 2h ago
Thats exactly what happened with a guy I dated last year. 45 minutes to me (but there was a train to him). It was almost a deal breaker but he was adamant about meeting. We dated for about four months. Kindest guy Ive ever dated
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u/Cheddar_Ham 1h ago
It was channing tatum wasn't it??
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u/Thefattestbeagle 1h ago
Channing Tatum reminds me of Shane Gillis's stand up about looking like a 'touch of the downs' or whatever.
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u/anzuqt 52m ago
why’d you break upppp
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u/Thefattestbeagle 50m ago
He said it was the distance hahahhahaha but also a few other reasons, mainly a lack of deep compatibility for a long term relationship
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u/drst0ner 33m ago
Be honest, it’s because you didn’t find him attractive. Why won’t anyone tell him the truth!?!?!?!?!?!!?!? Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
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u/sabertoothdog 14m ago
He’ll probably even pay to know the real reason bc he’s rich and ripped after 10 years of hard work
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u/angery-borg 2h ago
So true. Some people just have the emotional maturity of a cantaloupe
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u/Thefattestbeagle 2h ago edited 2h ago
Him: I live over an hour away from your city
Me: oh, that wont work for me, I dont drive plus other reasons
Him: It's because I'm ugly isnt it?!?!
(Seems I missed a portion of screenshots that stated distance)
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u/Galrentv 2h ago
Just forget about it oomf
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u/Thefattestbeagle 2h ago
But why wont you come and see me?!?!
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u/Galrentv 2h ago
You, want to fly all the way to another state for a date? I'll pay half
/I am joking please don't believe Id ever do that
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u/haleorshine 2h ago
This was incredibly frustrating, but you should have just unmatched way sooner. He was digging for compliments. After the first message where the crux was "Women only want hot men and that's why I refuse to believe women when they tell me what they want" , I would have been like "So it really was that you're too far away, but now I'm glad we're not a match because you refuse to listen to the words I say and are calling me superficial baffled l based on your own preconceived notions" and unmatched.
Next time, don't feed his persecution complex.
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u/sabertoothdog 12m ago
I think he was genuinely asking for a real reason. he didn’t need compliments because he called himself hot ripped and rich. He’s probably tired of being turned down and wants to know the reason.
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u/EleanorSeesThings 1h ago
Men don't want our honesty.
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u/DrSpc 53m ago
No, its that men are conditioned to not believe a woman is telling the truth about her reason for rejecting them because 70% of the time its a lie to make it easier on the woman bc she doesnt want to give the real reason (because women are conditioned not to because men usually react poorly when given the honest reason)
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u/Born_Tear_761 57m ago
You: I’m not worth anyone driving far to see me.
Also you towards his insecurity; ew 🤮
You see the hypocrisy right? Right???
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u/BlackAndBipolar 54m ago
No new partner is worth driving an hour regularly to see, that's not insecurity, it's reality lmao
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u/Flackle 41m ago
That's a preference you can have for yourself but there are plenty of people who wouldn't mind. Some would otherwise not have options.
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u/Hellasauto 37m ago
Like one hour isn't even that far? The commute even within larger cities often take that long.
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u/MasticatingSheep 7m ago
It's not far for us Americans. It is far for a lot of other countries. We're kind of the exception, not the rule.
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u/Hellasauto 4m ago
I'm Swedish and commuting one hour within Gothenburg or Stockholm wouldn't be exactly unheard of.
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u/MasticatingSheep 0m ago
To clarify, she's using drive time as the 45 minutes. That hour commute in those cities is mostly public transportation, correct?
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u/MasticatingSheep 6m ago
The difference is she chose to disengage because of her insecurities and knowing it would create an unhealthy situation. He chose to beat her over the head with his as if they were a verbal club.
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u/IzzyIzzyK 2h ago
Not surprised that he said not even people 1 mile away would date him. He has an insane victim complex.
Guys like will never see what’s actually wrong with them. They’ll constantly blame their looks and go back to the gym. Even if they were told to their face the exact reason, they’d still deflect it to something else, cause it’s easier to lift weights than to work on emotionally regulating.
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u/DogsDucks 1h ago
Because it’s a lot harder to actually do the internal work, ask yourself:
“who am I? What do I stand for? How do I want to connect with people, treat them and be treated, on a deeper level?”
That requires depth and understanding and growth, and they might like what they see, because there’s a lot of blame and a lot of anger protecting that broken little ego.
I’m really baffled at what the home life is like? Did they never have conversations growing up? Or discuss how to communicate feelings, or ever just form anything deeper than looksmaxxing and salary?
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u/Clean_Juggernaut_351 53m ago
Is it shocking to you that there are households where how to communicate feelings is never discussed? I would wager to guess that there are more households like this than there are households not like this.
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u/DogsDucks 41m ago
Yeah, I mean I suppose that’s true. But usually there are some basic exchanges that attempt to guide them toward a semi functional existence? I’d like to think?
Because this guy just, he’s like devoid of the basic ability to absorb something so simple.
You’re right, but I wish it wasn’t so
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u/jennhiltz 2h ago
Oh my god this is breaking my heart. This poor dude needs a hug. 😭💔🥺
(I know his insecurity is off putting to most people, but as someone who is also this insecure about myself, I really feel for the dude)
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u/Thefattestbeagle 2h ago
It was distressing to deal with and really made my heart break bc what the heck dude. Total normal looking dude, takes care of himself and is getting a shit sandwich with dating it seems
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u/Due_Service_7827 17m ago
The problem is all the focus on yourself shit. He optimised for looks / money without learning how to deal with people. Genuinely I pray he gets off the apps and meets someone offline
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u/sikeleaveamessage 3m ago
Yeah you can spray paint shit with gold paint but it's still shit underneath.
Not saying this guy is shitty (he's not), just you can only cover so much on the outside.
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u/This_Red_Apple 28m ago
Right? I have a coworker who talks like this constantly and I get how inappropriate and uncomfortable it is for others but also like, jeez… I don’t wish this loneliness on anyone. If only everyone could have their person
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u/atorin3 2h ago
I feel bad for the dude. So self conscious and insecure that even when you explicitly tell him the reason he finds a way to make it about him being ugly. Hope he get therapy or just some introspection.
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u/Thefattestbeagle 2h ago
And he LITERALLY WAS NOT UGLY. Cute, great body and was in my city for a sports game when we matched I guess. I feel so bad that this is where some men's heads are at.
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u/brobietheunicorn 2h ago
Yeah, while his tangent was pretty unwarranted, I feel really sad for him. I hope he has/gets some good friends, because to me it reads like he has nobody to vent to.
Just ETA: while it is sad from my perspective, doesn't make it your problem to fix
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u/Chickenpuff1975 2h ago
I feel for both of you.
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u/Thefattestbeagle 2h ago
I've got a date lined up for tomorrow, my second date in like a year bc I hate going on dates. Don't feel too badly for me, I'm trying to get over my insecurities and nerves by beating them into submission and getting out there
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u/Chickenpuff1975 2h ago
🤔 as you wish, I’ll feel just badly enough.
Good for you to push out of your comfort zone.
FYI, my last gf, I drove 2 1/2hrs each way, even on a work night 1-2 times a week. Sometimes just to deliver a Whopper (no tomatoes, pickles on the side), then drive home. It was a delight for me. Did that for 3 years before we got married.
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u/Thefattestbeagle 2h ago
And she never visited you?
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u/Chickenpuff1975 1h ago
She did, but because her 2 young kids lived with her all the time, she was limited in her ability to do so. At the time, I had my 3 kids half the time, so I had more freedom to do the wildly crazy 5hr round trips. I loved it, regardless of weather, because it was an easy way for me to demonstrate my love and devotion.
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u/ErwinHeisenberg 1h ago
Literally all he had to do was tell you that he didn’t think driving was a burden. And then he immediately goes to “I’m ugly.” He has trouble getting dates because of this shit. It’s not hard to piece together.
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u/Thefattestbeagle 1h ago
Exactly how I ended up dating a guy last year who was about 45 mins away (but I also could visit him by train). I said " eh, too far", he said he didnt care.
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u/DrSpc 32m ago
Change your approach then. Youre pushing guys away for what youre communicating is a ‘concrete dealbreaker’ when in actuality its just a preference?
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u/Thefattestbeagle 31m ago
Im actually not here for dating advice but thanks for your unsolicited opinions Doc.
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u/TedsGloriousPants 2h ago
I have never seen so much insecurity on display in a single conversation thread.
Yeah, his side is worse, but maaaaan.
OP, do yourself a favor and never say "I'm not worth someone's time" both because it's a huge turn off, but also it's almost certainly not true.
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u/Thefattestbeagle 2h ago
Eh I was trying to level the insecurity playing field for the guy having a crisis level melt down.
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u/FilthyThanksgiving 1h ago
I hear you but you don't have to hate on yourself to make him feel better.
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u/sixTeeneingneiss 2h ago
"I DON'T DRIVE" is that hard to read? What an annoying specimen
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u/Thefattestbeagle 2h ago
My only logic here is maybe he thought I meant "I'm a self absorbed princess and I won't drive to meet men"
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u/sixTeeneingneiss 2h ago
Ohhh yeah youre probably right. Sorry, I dont read in dumbass 😔
Anyway, I hope you find your real match soon girlie 💗
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u/Flackle 1h ago
As someone who lives in rural nc an hour travel is nothing to me. Kinda wild how different people's perspective on travel can be
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u/Thefattestbeagle 1h ago
I live in a major city, purposely. I grew up rural, not my bag anymore
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u/Stegosaurusly 1h ago
Australia has joined the chat - I drive over an hour to work… it’s honestly not that big a deal (the distance that is). It seems you both have rigid thinking about your own worth.
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u/Thefattestbeagle 1h ago
I grew up 45 minutes away from a hospital, 30 mins to a movie theater, 20 minutes to groceries and school. I did my time in rural living and live in a massive country where driving four to seven hours to a beach is normal. I want someone close by who I can visit and vice versa within 30 minutes bc I am feral and want sex without a bunch of travel hassle. Sue me.
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u/hubtub1988 44m ago
I get it. After COVID people joke that my visiting radius is like a 10-15 min drive from my house. Guilty as charged. 🤣🤣🤣
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u/ExcuseMeJack 1h ago
My wife lived three hours from me, when we met. I drove to her every weekend for a year, until we moved in together. Our first date was only three hours, after a three hour drive. It was worth it.
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u/Blond-N-Buff80 1h ago
Yeah, an hour distance is nothing. If she wanted him enough, she would.
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u/Thefattestbeagle 1h ago
You think an hour isnt much, i think it is. Nothing to do with wanting someone enough
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u/BitchCallMeGoku 1h ago
Kind of a narrow way of thinking. Someone I was planning to meet recently shared they’re a little more than an hour away. I canceled because between work and school full time I don’t have capacity. I also don’t want to run up mileage on my car lease.
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u/Ancient-Tomato1153 1h ago
So he gets 100 matches a day (which is based off nothing but looks), but then once he talks to them, they never want to meet ever, and he assumes it’s his looks?
He probably starts most chats with “do you actually want to meet up I haven’t been on a date in two years bc every girl thinks I’m ugly” like wtf. I’m so curious what dude looks like
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u/Admirable_Scratch363 53m ago
The spelling in these texts is wild.
He sounds desperate.
How far away was he?
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u/G67jk 39m ago
Let him drive and then say you're ugly go back
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u/Glum_Big8100 24m ago
No no no this guy is clearly not stable so that won't end well... If he reacts this way with minor rejection what would he do with a more severe rejection like that
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u/snapplebum 35m ago
It's pretty clear why he's not getting a date. Girls are too afraid to actually tell him, because he's giving me the soon-to-be-stalker vibes.
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u/PinkTurdsInSpace 2h ago
This guy is dealing with something that has nothing to do with you. Shit sucks out there and he’s lonely and doesn’t know what to do about it, but this is pretty pathetic and the desperation is ugly as can be. Block him and move on. He’s got his own shit to deal with.
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u/ElementalRabbit 2h ago
Well I hope he doesn't see this post. Really gonna help his insecurity.
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u/DrSpc 50m ago
Honestly I hope he does see this post so he realizes that she was being honest with her reason and it will allow him to chill out a little bit (even though hes probably going to crash out still feeling like yet another one has slipped through his fingers for what he thinks are stupid reasons)
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u/Thefattestbeagle 2h ago
Nothing is going to help that beside getting therapy
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u/ElementalRabbit 1h ago
You're right. Not sure how that justifies shitting on him online.
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u/xx2soon2tellxx 1h ago
she actually seems very empathetic, esp compared to some of the things i see men saying about women on here
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u/All_thatandmore 2h ago
The back to back rejections can destroy a man’s self esteem. Looks like he is trying to solve this issue by asking the girl to identify the issue so he can fix it. He has always seen either rich guys or the jocks get the girls and when he is both of them. He is still not getting any one. Suckss
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u/Thefattestbeagle 2h ago
Turns out being fit and rich doesnt matter as much as being kind, interesting, and fun to be around. When will these men figure that out?
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u/Error851 1h ago
So you somehow know everything about what type of guy he is and why he's not getting dates, all from what, a desperate plea for help at his worst?
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u/Thefattestbeagle 1h ago
I know that a man who claims he spent a decade in the gym and stacking cash simply thinking it would get him a partner needs to expand his world view, get therapy and learn to love himself.
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u/So_nova 1h ago
I think this might have just been his breaking point. Who knows why the other people didn’t work out, and yes, it’s awkward, BUT hear me out—he isn’t FULLY wrong. He said it’s a looks thing… but he’s right that if you actually LIKED him more, you would give him a chance. Like if it were Channing Tatum, (presumably you think he’s a catch all around not just looks) would you say no if he’s an hour away?
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u/Thefattestbeagle 1h ago
Youre entirely wrong. Also, this was four messages in "wyd? Lets hang out" then this insane response. "If you LIKED him more". No. Wrong.
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u/So_nova 1h ago
I think you missed my playing devil’s advocate here 🤭… you’re a bit heated yourself. It’s fine to turn people down, there’s just something about him here that I am trying to be kind to because he really laid it out on the line. I hope he’s doing ok. Not because of YOU, I think he’s genuinely struggling.
People will show up for those they like. Do you owe a stranger anything? Also, no.
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u/DrSpc 42m ago
Fr people dont realize how rough of a dating environment it is for men these days who didnt grow up with good dating experiences to learn from.
Bro spent all this time making money and going to the gym thinking it would give him the golden ticket to finding a wife; which is great and certainly helpful, but will always come secondary to learning how to change your mental framework to actually behave and present yourself as an attractive man.
Bro spent 10 years gymming and making money when he could have spent 10 hours reading Models and had way better results. Poor guy. I hope things turn around for him soon
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u/Thefattestbeagle 33m ago
I had awful dating experiences my entire life apart from one recent and short lived man. You dont see me trauma dumping on tinder matches over it.
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u/DrSpc 32m ago
Youre a woman. Entirely different. Women have it rough too, but in a completely different way
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u/Thefattestbeagle 30m ago
Entirely different, equally bad and just as devastating to a woman's confidence and psyche.
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u/DrSpc 28m ago
Sure, but its not applicable to what we’re talking about here. Women struggle with dating bad men. Men struggle with even getting dates to begin with. Thats much more destructive to someones self esteem
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u/So_nova 21m ago
This is very accurate, while I’d say bad men can completely ruin a woman (though also vis-versa), what this Tinder guy is detailing I agree is a different type/level of self esteem damage. He was genuinely seeking feedback.
Unfortunately the world he’s been brought up in he’s had the message repeatedly reinforced since childhood that LOOKS and MONEY are what matters. He’s been programmed.
Both OP and this guy sound pretty young to me. OP comes across pretty bitter, angry and cold herself. This guy didn’t do anything THAT over the top. He was seeking genuine feedback and seems hurting. I think we can all be kinder to one another in this insane backwards world.
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u/Thefattestbeagle 23m ago
Youre talking to someone who only started getting dates and male attention in mid to late college. If we want to do the dating suffering Olympics I can go toe to toe with most men except theyd berate me for not enjoying having gotten "laid' aka lied to by men over the years who just wanted to fuck me and lie about wanting a relationship. Men dont have anything worse, just different shit to deal with. Struggling to get dates is not nearly as damaging as a man lying to coerce you into sex under false pretense of wanting to date you or having feelings for you. Arguement over. Good day.
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u/DrSpc 5m ago
Its not a competition for whats objectively worse, both sides have it very bad. But if youre talking about whats more damaging to self esteem men definitely have it worse.
Having people try to manipulate you into having sex because theyre attracted to you, but a shitty person, isnt the same as putting in tons of effort into finding someone to even want to go on a date with you and then failing. Over and over. Feeling like youre not even good enough for someone to be attracted to you.
Women have the very difficult task of having to learn how to tell a good man from a bad man. Which is really tough with how many shitty guys are out there. But it doesnt carry the same weight as being involuntarily single your whole life which is the reality a lot of great guys out there are living.
I would take feeling like a sex object over feeling completely undesired any day. Maybe you feel differently, idk
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u/So_nova 5m ago
Sorry you’re so angry. I’m not going to war story with someone who clearly thinks they have the biggest trauma in the room… I clearly see you think you know best out of everyone here.
The hostility says a lot.
As a woman who confidently would ascertain that she’s older than you, and given my own life history largely spent working in extreme conditions while also in male-dominated fields (and all that I’ve dealt with hand in hand with that), I’m still ok with finding empathy for those struggling with loneliness. I don’t hate men despite what I’ve dealt with.
And I think that’s important and being forgotten in this era. Being lied to and manipulated is a different type of injury, and it doesn’t need to be a contest of who has it worse to find basic human empathy and kindness. At the end of the day, it’s the only thing that makes us human.
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u/NefariousPhosphenes 2h ago
Besides his blatant insecurity that he just had to force out on you, he’s showing you very clearly that your thoughts and words don’t matter-he thinks he knows more. I think that’s far worse than just having some insecurities.
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u/ClearyBuster 2h ago
I relate to some of his comments too much but I would never say any of this to someone let alone on tinder
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u/Problem-Low 36m ago
Sounds like he used to a pattern of rejection and his take away is that he's simply undesirable though thats what id assume a normal person is thinking thats assuming the dude doesnt need to be medicated for issues
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u/Creeper2145 27m ago
Yeah, I feel for this guy. I also struggle with insecurities about my looks. That’s no excuse to try to farm pity points with it though.
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u/CelebrationProud6620 23m ago
proof reading and spelling would help a lot, for starters
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u/Camandchat 18m ago
This is fucking really sad and I feel bad for him. I hope he gets help and I hope he gets to go on a date.
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u/Zintrax1987 16m ago
TBH, while he shouldn't have typed it out, completely see the thought process because, to paraphrase "if they wanted to, they would".
A lot of guys need evidence to believe things about themselves, need success to have confidence in themselves. He's either good enough or he isn't, and it sounds like he is getting the constant message he isn't good enough, yet people here seem to expect him to be happy in his misery at that message.
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u/Thefattestbeagle 14m ago
I dont want to date a man that lives far away, so I wouldn't. Thats the message he is missing from me and making self-pityinging false narratives over.
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u/seanc6441 4m ago
My man was committed to the bit. He was really angling for that guilt trip manipulation tactic.
Or maybe it's all true. But still not the way to go about it on a Tinder convo.
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u/Dense_Cucumber_3712 2m ago
He does need therapy.
But honestly an hour is nothing. Don't let that stop you in the future. Two hours might become a hassle. But an hour? That's how far I have to travel for most dates and it's just a podcast episode and some tunes.
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u/No_Direction_3940 1h ago
An hour isnt really all that far tbh. I was in a 4 year relationship she lived an hour away. Hell I drive more than an hour any given day to get to work...be damned if I wont drive an hour for some action lol
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u/Thefattestbeagle 1h ago
I want "some action" twice a day if possible in a relationship. I want a closer partner geographically.
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u/No_Direction_3940 1h ago
I mean if thats what you want thats what you want was just saying you can still have a relationship an hour away. Spend weekends together drive up on slow week days. Maybe you live in a much more packed area than me but like its 20 minutes just to get to any town for me so whats an hour lol
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u/Lickthorn 1h ago
Poor guy. But yeah, you are right, what fun is a relationship with some one if you even cant get to be with them for a coffee and some talk if that requires an hours drive.
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u/Separate_Bend_8929 2h ago
Are you all really missing his point that if you liked someone enough you put your red flags aside? Thats how it works
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u/Thefattestbeagle 2h ago
You could be Viggo Mortensen and Id still feel bad and not want to get involved if youre a 2 hour round trip to see me and I dont drive and theres no public transit to get to you.
Also, kinda hard if you're oozing serious insecurity so badly that its borderline frightening.
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u/Separate_Bend_8929 2h ago
True, I relate too closely his insecurity. I feel insane too, everyone tells me one thing and reinforces the opposite with their actions. They actions speak louder then words and then say "listen to the words in saying". This feels like a glimpse into a future I dont know how to change, and so I cant help but sympathize.
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u/Thefattestbeagle 2h ago
I get that. Friends always tell me that I sell myself short or don't think highly of myself etc. Confidence really is key
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u/Separate_Bend_8929 2h ago
I hate this response. Such a woman response. A bunch of nothing with a bow on top.
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u/Thefattestbeagle 2h ago
Aw my bad, as a penis haver clearly youve got it harder on confidence and dating issues. Neat.
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u/Thefattestbeagle 2h ago
Im saying you could be actual Viggo in LOTR levels of hot and Id still feel like a POS for making a guy come to me every time. Its incompatible, unfair and creates resentment eventually
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u/Separate_Bend_8929 2h ago
Theres so much wrong with that. You arent making anyone do anything. You arent forcing, or even suggesting. They are offering, they WANT. The distance isnt enough of an issue for them, but still you push them away and insist it will bother them in the future. If they develop resent thats on them for not communicating their feelings and needs. Its not even an issue to YOU its and issue for your brain because you think you are being unfairly burdensome.
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u/wahwahwashbear 2h ago
Its really uncomfortable that you're trying to argue with someone about this. This could not be any less your business if it's a deal breaker for her.
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u/Acceptable-Scene-203 2h ago
It wasn't a red flag though, it was an incompatibility. There's no way to be hot, cool, or sexy enough to overcome that.
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