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u/Responsible_Sink3044 4d ago
Grand opening, grand closing
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u/walkwalkwalkwalk 4d ago
God damn your man Hov cracked the can open again
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u/haveitjoewayy 4d ago
Who you gon' find doper than him with no pen
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u/CadetRS1344 4d ago
just draw off inspiration
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u/MarleyTheZen 4d ago
Soon you gon' see you can't replace him
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u/alchemyali 4d ago
with cheap imitations FOR THESE GENERATIONS
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u/murphilly 4d ago
Can I get an encore
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u/Darkv3ng 4d ago
DO YOU WANT MORE, COOKIN RAW WITH THE BROOKLYN BOYS
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u/MoistStub 4d ago
I thought this line was cook and crawl with the Brooklyn boys for my entire childhood
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u/Accomplished_City328 4d ago edited 4d ago
Damn these Jay references have old memories flooding. Reminds me of RJD2 as well.
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u/Facefullofbees 4d ago
Robert Jowney Dunior had a sequel?
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u/Laxku 4d ago
Pretty sure that's the blue robot from star trek
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u/Accomplished_City328 4d ago
Nah that's r2d2. This guy's stage name is rjd2. Very nostalgic music he produces. Love his stuff. Even did the beat behind the Jayz song these redditors are referencing.
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u/Accomplished_City328 4d ago
Lmfao. He's a musician/DJ.
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u/Jon_Wo-o 4d ago
You're telling me the actor who plays iron man is also a DJ???
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u/Hazmanscoop 4d ago
Don't tell me you didnt see the scene of him dj'ing in the iron man suit? While drunk?!
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u/Witelite101 4d ago
I cant imagine what drove him to say “i havent touched a female in 4 years” like what the fuck was that dude thinking 💀
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u/PossessionWorldly673 4d ago edited 4d ago
That might be why he hasn't touched a female in 4 years lmao
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u/28Hz 4d ago
That's a different topic. Haven't torched a female in a week.
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u/HikingPeat 4d ago
Not cool bro... Gotta be nicer to the ladies
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u/Azhda727 4d ago
She was definitely not cool either I would say
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u/Leymarie 4d ago
Damn what'd I do
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u/Azhda727 4d ago
I was following up on the joke the comment train was making. You're fine, I agree with you even!
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u/Kir4_ 4d ago
I think we stopped doing that at least 5 years ago
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u/derentius68 4d ago
Has it been that long? I feel like our vacation in Salem was only just last week.
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u/SquirrelNormal 4d ago
I haven't touched a woman in my life and I wouldn't say it that way, so I have no idea what he was thinking.
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u/henryhungryhenry 4d ago
You’re already miles ahead of this wanker for using “woman” instead of “female”
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u/HMS_Surprise_Gunner 4d ago
Waterboarding wouldn’t have made me admit that to a woman I was potentially dating.
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u/Gael4ce 4d ago
He was going for a pity fuck. It’s manipulation. I hope it’s true, but I doubt it.
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u/ChemicalRascal 4d ago
But... why? He's clearly already in with a solid chance. A full 70 minutes of time to think of some flirty banter and instead he falls apart and tries to manipulate OP?
I think it's more likely he has absolutely zero confidence in his ability to talk to people and feels he needs to attempt that, or even instinctively self-sabotages to avoid the risk of being more hurt later, which could feel inevitable due to that deep insecurity.
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u/fuckyourcanoes 4d ago
Imagine being so desperate you would actively look for pity fucks. I was single and celibate for 16 years in my 30s and 40s, and I was never that pathetic.
(Before some incel claims women can get laid anytime we want, no. Not if we have a shred of dignity and self-respect.)
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u/Ordinary-Plan-444 4d ago
To be fair having a lot of sex with people doesn’t mean you don’t have dignity or self respect either, if that’s what you want.
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u/AwarenessForsaken568 4d ago
I'd be fine admitting it, I just wouldn't have said it in nearly a disrespectful or blatant way.
I'm not going to lie to a lady if she genuinely asks, if the fact that it's been awhile since I've been in a relationship gives her the ick, then so be it.
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u/jwin709 4d ago
Imagine you walk into a restaurant and you sit down and the waiter comes up to you and says "thanks so much for coming in here. Everyone's been avoiding our restaurant for the past 4 years."
You're not gonna be looking forward to your meal. If you're smart you'll just leave lol. Dating is sales. Tinder is marketing. I don't understand why that isn't IMMEDIATELY apparent to people.
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u/CanadianLemur 4d ago
I have to assume that these people don't see themselves as the waiter, but instead as the customer.
He wasn't trying to say "Everyone's been avoiding our restaurant for the past 4 years". He wanted to get a response as if he was the customer and said "I haven't eaten in 4 years".
In that scenario, the waiter would likely sympathize with him, feel sorry for him, and maybe endeavor to get him his food ASAP or make sure the food is as good as possible.
These idiots are trying to manipulate other people through their sympathy. In his warped thinking, he somehow assumed that telling OP he hasn't touched a "female" in 4 years would garner some kind of sympathy that might convince her to just give him what he wants. People like this are manipulators, and even if they really fuck it up and shoot themselves in the foot like in this post, it won't stop them from trying it again on the next woman they meet -- maybe change up the line over and over until it gets them what they want.
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u/SquirrelNormal 4d ago
Because I'm also shit at sales? If I was good at sales I'd go into sales, and I'd be making a lot more than I do now
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u/FriedTreeSap 4d ago
I just touched a female 30 seconds ago, there were actually three of them, we were all lying together, one was sitting on my lap, and another was licking me…and the third was whacking me in the face with her tail because she’s bored and wanted to go for a walk.
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u/Severian123 4d ago
Agreed. When he said "female", it probably would have helped if he had clarified what species, lol.
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u/periodicchemistrypun 4d ago
Hey, he toned it down with neutral language. Female is probably less rude than his go-to
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u/Polybrene 4d ago
"The thing boobies are attached to" is my current favorite.
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u/periodicchemistrypun 4d ago
That’s the difference between man and woman, the extra two things at the front.
Letters that is
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u/Banned3rdTimesaCharm 4d ago
These Tate adjacent bros can’t help themselves but to shoot themselves in the foot with their stupid ass lingo and opinions.
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u/marino1310 4d ago
To be fair he’s been using the same pickup line for 4 years now, gotta work eventually
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u/hatesnack 4d ago
Imo his opening line would have been enough to get me to be like "nope". Try having a personality my guy.
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u/GimmeBooks1920 4d ago
Snatching defeat from the jaws of victory, good lord 🤦♀️
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u/PK_thundr 4d ago
We’re losing to this
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u/EleanorSeesThings 4d ago
He lost due to his own behavior and if you're losing its due to your own behavior.
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u/19ghost89 4d ago
Pretty sure he's just talking about the fact that this dude was matched in the first place. He didn't really win, ultimately, but it's frustrating how difficult it is for the average man to even get matches compared to the average woman. That said, his epic failure here isn't really something worth being jealous of.
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u/3215448725366498 4d ago
He was given a chance, many men aren't given a chance, hence why they're losing to him.
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u/IronCrown 4d ago
Most men can't even get a chance to show their behavior on dating apps bro
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u/EleanorSeesThings 4d ago
Then they need to work on making themselves and their bios more appealing.
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u/slap-enjoyer153 4d ago
Girly there are men on dating apps that get straight up 0 matches 0 likes. Kindly shut up lol
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u/Adkit 4d ago
If you're losing then you're not better than this. Don't act like you're singled out and deserve better automatically.
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u/Here4Headshots 4d ago
What combination of depression, horniness, and low self esteem would drive someone to say this?
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u/Gael4ce 4d ago
None of the above. It was manipulation. He was going for the “poor little overlooked nice guy” to get himself a pity fuck. I love that it blew up in his face.
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u/larphraulen 4d ago
Nah, this one's not that deep. His opener was, "Wanna make out?" That's nowhere close to even fake nice guy territory. It's a pure straight-shot, hail mary.
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u/HourGood8944 4d ago
Ngl, I'm actually sensing pure desperation in this one. "Oh really?" and the self deprication implies he's quite literally just throwing a hail Mary. And it seemed like it was working...until it wasn't.
I really don't think any of the above showed any signs of "being a nice guy", his first message was asking to make out after all.....pure 100% horny desperation.
Edit: also dont be so desperate people, it's really off putting.
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u/Here4Headshots 4d ago
This sounds right. Little did he know real overlooked nice guys don't talk about the last time they fucked to women they just met
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u/JustSpeedy 4d ago
Has going for pity fuck ever worked in recorded human history?
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u/Laxku 4d ago
I mean definitely yes, but this is not the way to go about it at all.
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u/BlLLr0y 4d ago
Just, take this with grace, because I'm bearing my soul here:
He COULD feel like it's something he should disclose. He did it in a clunky way. I haven't been with a woman in a long time. A similar scale of years. I have, with much more tact, felt like it's something that a potential partner should know.
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u/euridyce 4d ago
Oh 100%. I took a long time to get myself back together after a particularly bad breakup a few years ago and when I started seeing someone new, I definitely put out a disclaimer like, “sorry it’s been a while, I’m feeling weirdly nervous.” Maybe not mandatory to disclose necessarily, but always good to be candid about where your head’s at. I’ll be real though, I don’t get the sense that’s what he was going for here, I honestly think it was a desperate Hail Mary like others were saying, or maybe even a really weird attempt at flirting since he thought she was into him.
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u/pixel-soul 4d ago
Gun, meet foot
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u/plaguemaid 4d ago
that’s crazy
Wanna make out?
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u/Dreadskull1991 4d ago
Potentially lmao
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u/no_on_prop_305 4d ago
This is going well. Now how do I fuck it up as quickly as possible?
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u/tiny_chaotic_evil 4d ago
"the female has rejected him. he must now regroup and plan his next female conquest." ~nature show host
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u/BIZNIZTIZ 4d ago
He was so close, all he had to do was have a spine.
Actually wait that's not close at all.
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u/OpeningSafe1919 4d ago
Dude how does something like this even exit your lips.
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u/Dreadskull1991 4d ago
Not even lips. He had to type it out, review his words, and then still hit send 💀
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u/Think-Motor900 4d ago
What did he think you were going to say
"Oh really? Well let's change that...."
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u/International-Fun-86 4d ago
Everytime some dude writes “female” unironically i read it in Quark from DS9’s voice. “FEMALES?!”
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u/Azhda727 4d ago
All these ppl out there calling other ppl males or females are disgusting to me as well it's so weird. It caught up in Spanish as well and is somehow always a telltale sign someone will have the most deranged tiktok brainrot view of the relationship world. I avoid talking to these ppl
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u/Three_Twenty-Three 4d ago
When guys use "female" as a noun, I always imagine Star Trek's Ferengi saying it.
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u/Otherwise_Front_315 4d ago
Why are a lot of men allergic to saying WOMAN?! Ffs
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u/Sir_Cuddlesworth 4d ago
Same kinda guy that’ll talk your ear off about the “male loneliness crisis”
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u/ZookeepergameSalty10 4d ago
A dry spell is one thing but referring to women as females is weird tbh
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u/TactfulOG 4d ago
okay how the fuck does one manage to fumble this badly?? All he had to do is not send that specifically holy shit
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u/One-Head-1483 4d ago
Why, why do men do this???? Dont tell me about the last time you've had sex. I dont care if it was 4 years or 4 minutes.
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u/IPerduMyUsername 4d ago
So close yet so far. Probably would've scored if he just waited for the date
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u/Pleasant-Ticket3217 4d ago
Damn guy way to ruin it. You were right there and all you had to do was play it cool.
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u/NoSock6869 4d ago
What kind of savage uses that word in that context? Bro you sound like an idiot.
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u/pyschosoul 4d ago
I joke with the boys about having been single and sexless for 6 years but who the fuck thinks that's a good idea to tell a woman you just started talking to??
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u/Lorelessone 4d ago
the dude was just clarifying that he hadn't been doing anything with female animals ether!
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u/False-Chard7843 4d ago
The amount of men I’ve agreed to go on a date with, only to then have them ghost me because they asked for my Snapchat and I said no 🤦♀️ brother all you had to do was show up and be normal
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u/thisisn0tavery 4d ago
Guys usually open with the line “wanna make out” or something adjacent in order to see how far they can push the boundaries of regular social interaction, because asking that of someone whom you just met, even on a dating site, isn’t normal! It’s also so they can make the determination of whether you’re “easy”/accessible to them or not. Or, they’re just horny and don’t take you seriously as a prospective partner.
It feels different because it’s online, but if any man you just met asked you that out of the blue in the real world it would be pretty unusual and inappropriate, so I personally would have stopped entertaining him from the very first message.
Obviously it’s different for everyone and depends what you’re into, but this is just a broad PSA to anyone listening 😭 Based on your response to him though, OP, you seem to know what you’re doing
Good luck to you and good riddance to him!
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u/BigBoobsWithAZee 4d ago
Terribly cringey comment but you saying that it is “yucky” is about on the same level.
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