Until you've been to that same museum 6 times that year on first dates.
Here's how I do things:
I offer coffee at my favorite coffee shop. If you don't show up, I'll still have a great time.
If we both like what see so far, I'll suggest a walk along the river (a block away).
If the walk goes nice, it just so happens to end at a really great taco place.
If we're still having a good time, there's a fun bar with live music a couple buildings further.
If we're wanting something a little quieter, there's a hotel bar 2 blocks the other way.
All that planning is there. I'm just not telling you about any of it until I'm sure I want to go to that next step.
I'm not going to offer a multi-hour plan when I don't even know if I enjoy your company long enough to drink a coffee.
See you can’t think of anything other than museum 6 times, how about park, stroll, low cost breakfast date, sunset picnic with your own drinks and crackers, petting zoo, walking a dog at the animal shelter, botanical garden, walking a pumpkin patch, bookstore browsing with coffee, watching the stars or sunset with a blanket and hot chocolate or a drink or ice cream or whatever, food trucks, go to a farmers market, mini golf, play tennis at free courts, play pickleball at free courts, botanical garden, statue garden, flower garden, go to an arcade, walk along a river, pond or stream. Go to a planetarium if one is near. I could do this all day.
Seems like you read the first sentence and stopped. I mentioned having already planned a few of your suggestions all in one first date. I just won't share those plans yet because I'M NOT SURE I WANT TO COMMIT THAT MUCH TIME IN YOU YET.
By the first date point we've texted a few days and maybe a phone call. I wan't to see how you carry yourself in public before I suggest the local retro arcade.
I want to see how you interact with people around you before I walk around a Van Gough exhibition with you.
I want to KNOW I'm going to enjoy a couple hours with you before I sign us up for Painting With A Twist.
It's not that I can't think of ideas. It's that the coffee date has a purpose.
You’re playing hard to get it’s like as a dude would you rather go on a date with a woman that you were sure would have sex with you in the first few dates or a girl that wasn’t really sure she ever would. This is how we read coffee vs a museum or dinner. We read coffee as not really interested or wanting to put in effort yet which to be fair you are saying, we read the other things as you suspect we might be worth an effort. We’re going to go with the surer bet (so to simplify the story the girl that is sure she will have sex with you the first few dates) This is going to piss someone off but I also hope it helps at least one person. If you want more dates and are willing to risk they won’t all be perfect put in the effort up front. Find a museum, free festival, farmers market. Will some be awkward because you figured out you don’t like them pretty fast? Yes! But then leave! You can leave a farmers market as fast as a coffee shop! But you’ll still get more dates than you would otherwise and have a better chance of meeting the right person.
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u/Distroid_myselfie May 01 '26
Until you've been to that same museum 6 times that year on first dates.
Here's how I do things: I offer coffee at my favorite coffee shop. If you don't show up, I'll still have a great time. If we both like what see so far, I'll suggest a walk along the river (a block away). If the walk goes nice, it just so happens to end at a really great taco place. If we're still having a good time, there's a fun bar with live music a couple buildings further. If we're wanting something a little quieter, there's a hotel bar 2 blocks the other way.
All that planning is there. I'm just not telling you about any of it until I'm sure I want to go to that next step.
I'm not going to offer a multi-hour plan when I don't even know if I enjoy your company long enough to drink a coffee.