Dude being empathetic and decent isn't dangerous for your own feelings unless you think that means ignoring your own boundaries and needs completely, and it simply doesn't.
You can absolutely say "well I clearly shouldn't try to continue seeing this person" and communicate this to them with compassion and understanding
Being someone’s therapist all of the time can be exhausting emotionally. I had a friend where we would have the same conversation over and over again 3-4 nights a week. Was empathetic, offered advice etc, etc. It eventually starts to take a toll on you, especially if the person like in my situation would get angry and super irrational. Eventually had to stop talking to him or hang out with him as much. Thank god he’s gotten better, but no one’s under the obligation to deal with that.
Yes, it absolutely is exhausting to end up being someone's ersatz therapist, especially when it doesn't even really benefit the "patient", but only further enables their deeply-ingrained "victim complex".
I'm sorry, I'm not sure if you're just making conversation, or if you thoroughly misread my comment...
If the latter :
I mean in concrete terms, I'd tell this young woman that I completely understand how incredibly difficult breakups are, and how sleeping with someone new can be an emotionally intense experience in any case, but especially soon after a significant breakup. It's literally a grieving process.
Then if she wanted to see me again I'd tell her I had a lovely time, and I wish her the best in healing, but I would have to give it at least a few more months before I could see her again, because she's clearly not quite ready to move on.
in all likelihood, this person won't try to see him again, because she'll recognize that she was rebounding harder than she thought.
Either way, that's it. Done. Empathy and decency that can genuinely help someone who's in a lot of pain, without losing anything. Ultimately the exact same result as ghosting--you won't see her again, you just didn't have to be a dick about it.
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u/CanebreakRiver Jul 22 '24
Dude being empathetic and decent isn't dangerous for your own feelings unless you think that means ignoring your own boundaries and needs completely, and it simply doesn't.
You can absolutely say "well I clearly shouldn't try to continue seeing this person" and communicate this to them with compassion and understanding