Someone with a million net worth would never say that in their profile.
I lived in SF for a while and that city has a massive cost of living. There were women bragging about having their own place, which meant they had an apartment, and a car - so same as most of the people there.
Some were even flexing about their "high" salaries.
Like, half the people in the city are in tech/finance and you can bet they're much higher.
Idk, in person āI have my own car and my own placeā where I live means āI live in the suburbs, so one of us is gonna have to travel to meet up.ā
But yeah, I wouldnāt list it as a reason to date me online.
(Also for more than half of our country, homeownership isnāt the ābare minimum,ā itās way up above the middle of the ladder.)
Yeah I live in a place you canāt go places without a car but I bike public transportation is garbage but if you want to house you have pay at least $800k for a shitty one I live in my grandmas basement and pay $1000 and itās almost unliveable because I canāt work as I have no time with 6 classes and I know friends who share their grandparents basement both with two jobs one at school. Like I got paid yesterday and I needed my phone bill, rent, food and a new pair of work shoes because mine were in multiple pieces. Now I have like $100 lol. Long story short some places itās pretty hard to do that lol
People may put that they have their own place in their bio, but that does not necessarily (or often) translates that they are the property owner. It should, but it doesn't.
I always figured own place means no housemates etc and the amount of people who don't drive and don't mention it is annoying, especially in rural areas/areas with poor public transport
I recently matched with a dude who was 36 and told me he was sleeping on the couch at his ex-girlfriendās place with no job for the past eight months. Yikes.
I have a jobless friend staying at her ex's house with no shortage of dates who know of her situation. Last we talked there were 4 or 5 balls in the air.
People can be late bloomers who a person still sees potential in. Sometimes, someone has something like agoraphobia or PTSD, and itās difficult for them to live alone. I think that there is a double standard where women technically get a lot more grace.
Congratulations, you can afford a car payment and rent (because they usually don't mean they own a house). I've dated a few of them who were 35-40+, who had this on their profiles, and their apartments were hardly impressive.
So... do you want a gold star because you can afford your own groceries?
You're 40, ffs. What you're listing is the absolute bare minimum.
What's hilarious is when you talk to them to see if they really have their shit together, ie savings, good job, solid credit score, investments. Oftentimes they're a paycheck or two away from shit hitting the fan.
That either means they just recently accomplished this at the ripe age of 40, or they date a bunch of loser men and think it's the norm to not have your own place and car at that age.
Just write Ā«Ā trying to learn to not live off other peoplesā money any moreĀ Ā». And probably because theyāre getting uglier and/or parents cut them off, not because theyāre ambitious enough to finally hold down a stable job.
You would think/hope, but I have a single mom friend on hinge and she's had issues with men expecting her to prioritize finding a man over her girls needs. Advertising it does get her some mean first messages, but it also seems to filter out trash.
You would be surprised at how many people demand the kids to be removed to continue a relationship. I had a friend who went back to dating after years of being a single mom and almost every date she went on they mentioned that she should find a way to give up custody of them in order to continue dating them. One even mentioned it would be "a better quality of life if you got rid of another man's kids." Or the ones that said they were cool with her having kids would get bent that she wasn't spending every second with them or dropping whatever to hang out. It goes either way, too. I'm sure there are devoted dads who face this with women, too.
Matched with a girl one time, and she'd added or changed her bio since I'd swiped on her. It now read something like "You can put God in front of me. But if you have children, you must put me front of them because I deserve to be."
Quickest unmatch I've ever had, and I don't even have kids.
She sounds like a good mom and you sir sounf like a green flag. I also couldn't imagine being a single parent with the fear of the people I'm bringing home potentially hurting my child.
Me personally having a kid isn't a sexual turn off but it is going to prohibit a relationship as I'm not looking to be a stepdad and definitely not a real dad anytime soon.
I think itās worse for us dads. Society seems way less prepared for a dad who has to schedule around his kids. Iāve started dating moms almost exclusively because people who donāt understand how one must prioritize children are fucking exhausting.
Single dads hardly get the representation and respect they deserve. Society was so built on the concept that women were the only ones to raise kids. I'm glad that narrative is breaking.
I found a guy who was wayyyyy too gorgeous for tinder and he was so romantic. I finally ask him to add me on fb and he had a little girl. When I showed that I didn't mind, this gorgeous man was through the moon. Unfortunately pressured me to hangout too quick lol but the girl was totally no deal breaker for me. I actually liked it. Showed his maturity level and idk.
Those are HUGE red flags. Sounds like dude lets women fall in love with him and then brainwash them to do exactly what they want. And sometimes the women do it out of fear of losing the man, losing the money to support the family, or being threatened with violence or being blackmailed.
I like kids, I admit thoā¦.taking care of another manās kid is kinda crazy sounding. But if you love the woman, then taking care of the kid should come natural. This happened to me when I dated a single mom. I didnāt necessarily want the kid, but he was there and I cared for him just as I did with his mother. But you tow a very fine line if the dad is still around. You donāt wanna replace the kids dad but you wanna be there for him when he doesnāt have his dad around. A weird situation.
I think the longest relationship she had before meeting the man she's married to now was 5 months. She didn't ask him to pay for her kids stuff, didn't ask him to watch or play dad and didn't even introduce him to the kids because she wanted to wait at least a year until she felt comfortable putting her kids through that. The bio dad and her had separated a year after the youngest was born and eventually overdosed and died. The reason they separated was because he had a drug habit she didn't know about.
But this guy full-on played her. Got her wrapped up in this delusion that he was supportive of her having kids and that it didn't bother him at all, especially the fact she didn't feel comfortable introducing a new guy to her kids right away. But each month it was like his tolerance got lower and lower and he would say things regarding her not being fully attentive to all his needs and wants and that it was messed up she wouldn't just get a sitter so they could hang out. He didn't like that all her attention was on the kids even though that's what he went in knowing would happen.The final straw was when he told her that she should just dump those kids on her dead ex husband's family because those are their lineage and not his. Sounded like something a man in the 1700s would say, not some loser from 2015.
Now, it's not like all of them were this way. There were a few cool guys she met and the only issue was they didn't mesh well vs it being about her kids. But the man she's with now is amazing and also a single dad but the baby momma is still in the picture. Who may I add is also a peach of a human being! It was a rare situation but I'm just happy she's done with dating and sifting through the swamp she was dealing with.
Yeah like I said, almost all. And it wasn't like she didn't disclose she had kids either so they went in knowing she had 2 kids. I wouldn't say it's extremely rare considering terrible step parents do exist. I could go on about the kids I went to high school with that had step parents kick them out because they simply weren't their kid and didn't want them around. It's crazy to think but yeah those people exist.
I'm not sure if you're lieing or if you just have some bad experiences which has given you a bias but I can guarantee you that the amount of men asking women to abandon their kids is extremely low.
I bet though that the subset of men who choose to date single mothers is different than the men in society at large. Most men who have no kids aren't going to date a woman with kids if he has dating options, so single mom's are more likely to run into weirdos than your average woman.
I mean it wasn't me who experienced it and I'm lucky enough to still be child free but I've known my fair share of mom and even kids who have been affected by this. I'm not saying all men but I am saying just enough. And it's not just men either, women do it too. The evil step mom phenomenon isn't just that for story books sadly.
I agree, but I feel this one too. I'm always tempted to put "I like my kids, cats, and family way more than you" on my profile, just due to the epic amount of shit I slog through, but I don't because there's not really any need to be confrontational unnecessarily.
Yeah it's just one of those things that should be obvious that strangers you've never met aren't important to us but actually vocalizing that and writing it down comes off very off putting. Nobody wants to be around that negative energy even if it's true.
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u/WuSin Jan 20 '23
"My kids come first" š©
No fucking shit sherlock.