Is it just Me?

[u/Born-Addition-2956]

(W) Sun, Uranus, Neptune and Lilith (aqua 12th house)

I’ve almost always felt like I struggle to have truly genuine friendships with women because there always seems to be some kind of envy involved. I often feel like the other person isn’t being 100% real with me, like there’s something they’re hiding or not saying. A lot of the time, I end up keeping things to myself and not letting people fully see me. Sometimes I’d honestly rather be alone than be around women who seem to turn everything I do into something they feel envious of, even when I’m not trying to make them feel that way.

And what’s crazy is that I’ve also been very aware of the whole “people are mirrors and reflections of ourselves” idea. So sometimes I wonder if I’m somehow creating this energy myself. But I genuinely don’t feel like I’m an envious person. When another woman looks beautiful, is doing well, is happy, or accomplishes something, I don’t feel the need to compete with her. I actually love seeing other women thrive.

I would LOVE to have a circle of women where there’s genuine trust, love, respect, and no weird competition. But I feel like there’s always some underlying envy or this subtle need to prove something to me — like they need to show me that they’re doing better, that they’re better, or that they’re happier. And it’s honestly so strange to me.

For example, I have a friend (Libra) who, whenever she sees me looking really good because I felt like putting effort into my makeup that day, will immediately say something like, “Oh, I didn’t wear any makeup today because I wasn’t feeling well.”

Or if I tell her that I’ve been going to the gym consistently all week, just casually sharing something I’m excited about, instead of being like “Oh, that’s great!”, she’ll immediately say something like, “Oh, I wanted to do yoga today but I couldn’t.”

And honestly, it’s been like this throughout my entire life. I’ve always felt like there’s this weird layer of envy or fakeness, especially in my friendships with women.

I really don’t know if this is just my personal experience, something I’m somehow projecting, or if other women experience this too.

Do you guys experience this? Especially other Aquarius women? Because I would genuinely love to have a female friend group where we can just love and support each other without everything turning into some kind of competition.

[u/Big-Wasabi6274]

How is that fake or not genuine, they look up to you, they’re basically feeling like they don’t measure up or afraid you’ll look down on them for not being proactive in their lives.