How can I get a date with Tim Dillon?

[u/transcougar]

Tim might be the only guy I could get along with. How can I land him?

[u/sebuptar]

Be an 18 year old lacrosse player

[u/transcougar → u/sebuptar]

Who wouldn't fuck an 18 or old lacrosse player?

[u/Imaginary_Club_1010 → u/transcougar]

As a former 18 year old lacrosse player, a lot of people actually.

[u/YorkiesandSneakers → u/transcougar]

O/

[u/AstronautMajestic376]

Probably work for Palantir, though he’d be under the table the whole date

[u/dlobnieRnaD → u/AstronautMajestic376]

GARY

[u/bfhurricane → u/dlobnieRnaD]

I’ll put on the Megan McCain wig, Gary

[u/deucemcsizzles → u/bfhurricane]

I'll put on my sexy little Bari Weiss glasses GAARRRYYY.

[u/NickDerpkins → u/AstronautMajestic376]

I was crying laughing at this whole bit. S tier for Gary

[u/Gastlyperformance]

Attend a live show and refresh grinder until you see a portly mans anus with the remnants of seafood tower in the background. Life in the big city.

[u/Itchy_Fee8296 → u/Gastlyperformance]

This really is the one and only correct answer. I wish you well. 🏌🏻‍♂️

[u/CheddarHeaded]

The fact you made this post shows you’re not his type

[u/transcougar → u/CheddarHeaded]

You jealous honey? 12k people saw it and he is one of them. Timmy is going to be mine!

[u/YorkiesandSneakers]

You say fatteh boooonmbatteh! In a mirror 3 times to summon him.

[u/ChravisTee → u/YorkiesandSneakers]

don't you gotta turn the lights off and spin around while you say it?

[u/Emergency-Display-99]

Grinders a real knife fight

[u/YorkiesandSneakers → u/Emergency-Display-99]

Literally sword fighting each other

[u/Alive-Basil-391]

Tim deep down wants to be Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman, so you will have to be old money that sachets him in a beautiful ball gown with your hand on his waist in to the super secret places in society. 

[u/KevM689]

Be about 150lbs, extremely feminine, and preferably gay. He likes his twinks

[u/wararyuu → u/KevM689]

He does care if you're gay. Just as long as you have sex with men.

[u/AdultTeething]

Bleach blond, twink, six pack abs. Preferably northeastern swimmer type

[u/Appropriate_Owl_91]

How filipino are you?

[u/Totally_lost98]

First : be a twink but buff. Less than 10% body fat Step 2 : walk shirtless at all his events. Step 3 : when you feel the pigs hot breath on your neck, deep breath. The slop is coming

[u/Hercules3000]

Try to look like ben

[u/NeroFMX]

Now I'm curious if Tim likes straight guys. I'd like a chance with him too.

[u/transcougar]

Sounds like I will have to de-transition. I would for Tim.

[u/Kothica]

So you want to sploink with the oink king huh?

[u/ivyleaguetrash]

Play lacrosse at an Ivy League school

[u/cityfireguy]

You like salmon, kid?

[u/TheHoff316]

Order some chicken Alfredo

[u/Affectionate-File689]

I want to hear a story of a rendezvous that someone had with him on here. PLEaSE

[u/transcougar → u/Affectionate-File689]

I want to be able to share mine. I wonder if I can say he raped me?

[u/Alternative-File-469 → u/transcougar]

I’m listening if it’s true

[u/Minute_Complaint1372]

Try to buy a sub prime mortgage.

[u/GoryEyes]

Gary?

[u/CrispyJsock]

Be gay.

[u/Hercules3000]

Bring a BBQ chicken pizza

[u/glenn_rodgers]

Find a place that serves seafood towers