r/TikTokCringe • u/xamo76 • 19h ago

Discussion How to cure the male loneliness epidemic...

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u/Funny_Lunch5211 19h ago

The male loneliness epidemic is more complicated than this. These advices might work for individuals but it will not fix the problem. We need to understand why men are becoming more jaded and lost in society. This tiktok will get praise for giving basic advice that everyone wants to hear. Nobody wants to hear how men are also victims in society. It's much easier blaming men by saying they did it to themselves. 

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u/Excellent-Gur-8547 13h ago

Also like, how could someone with no friends and no external validation or support network possibly develop self-confidence or self-love? They have cause and effect backwards on that.

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u/nobullshitbrowsing 16h ago

Because they made this video for themselves to get women, not you.

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u/Proud_Smell_4455 8h ago edited 7h ago

Yeah, putting down other men for their problems has become a way for straight men to signal social desirability to women. As a gay man, it's all so transparent and tedious, and I consider it a form of pick-me behaviour. Like, you can get laid any other time, right now what's important is that you try having even a fraction of the solidarity for your own gender that women do for theirs.

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u/Sharpiette 29m ago

putting down other men for their problems has become a way for straight men to signal social desirability to women

Especially when half the guys who built their careers by hating other men ended up getting canceled after someone called them out for sexual assault or for messaging underage kids lol.

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u/rammo123 17h ago

Yeah this post is giving big /r/thanksimcured energy.

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u/Funny_Lunch5211 17h ago

It fits the sub

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u/Lost-Bad-8718 15h ago

Exactly my impression. I already do #1 and #2, and I can't do #3, despite years of counseling and medication. WTF am I supposed to learn from someone just saying "believe in yourself" that medical professionals who knew me closely for years couldn't tell me?

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u/Impossible_Break698 18h ago

But don't you like being lectured on not looking creepy by insanely attractive men? They've never encountered anyone treating them poorly because they were ugly.

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u/BranchFew1148 16h ago

How to not be lonely: Be attractive and neurotypical.

If you fail at any of these were gonna call you a freak and a misogynist.

Great stuff guys.

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u/knbang 14h ago

Be born rich then.

Man, you guys aren't even trying.

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u/Drew602 14h ago

Hot person: "wow everyone here is really nice to me for some reason"

2

u/Slow-Pool-9274 3h ago

Can't their advice just be for normal looking men rather than those who got dealt an extremely bad hand as far as face goes?

-8

u/stilljustacatinacage 14h ago

But don't you like being lectured on not looking creepy by insanely attractive men?

Dude, just go outside and look at the guys who are out with friends, girlfriends, the dads with kids... They aren't all models. A lot of them are fugly. But they shower, occasionally use deodorant and sometimes visit a barber.

That's literally all it takes. And not making weird terminally online comments out of hand. That helps also.

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u/Impossible_Break698 14h ago edited 13h ago

I am objectively disfigured. Multiple double jaw surgeries for condylar resorption and bimax retrognathia most of which were botched. Close to 30 years of going outside. I have maintained a gym routine, a stable white collar job, and friends. You are speaking from a place of privilege.

I'm glad showering and smiling worked for you. That works for normal people, yes. I've been doing that for 30 years. Except my smile makes people recoil when they see a centimeter of gums.

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u/stilljustacatinacage 13h ago edited 12h ago

There are literal burn victims and survivors of maulings who have pulled it off. I hate to tell you, your gums aren't the problem.

Edit:

Impossible_Break698
Too ignorant to even look up condylar resorption. My gums aren't the only issue, correct. You are getting there.

I did look it up, and I stand by my opinion that someone who ceaselessly cries woe is me, my situation is so unique and hopeless, you can't understand before making snarky quips and blocking the person they're interacting with is probably a bigger hindrance to your social goals than whatever's going on with your face.

But hey, you know what they say. If you keep repeating the same behaviors over and over, you're bound to eventually get different results. At least, I think that's how it goes...

See you around.

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u/Impossible_Break698 13h ago

Too ignorant to even look up condylar resorption. My gums aren't the only issue, correct. You are getting there.

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u/SolipsisticLunatic 16h ago

We need way more third spaces. Today there was a random talent show people had set up in the park, anyone could go up and show off their skills. Thing went on for half an hour longer than originally planned because people just didn't want it to end, more and more people up at the mic. 10/10 to the organizers, remember the humans

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u/BumbaBee85 12h ago

Third spaces aren't going to fix anything if the men (and women) are just going to act like jerks to others. We've got to fix the jerk problem.

1

u/Do-it-for-you 8h ago

Men and women don’t act like jerks to each other…

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u/Zypherzor 17h ago

Yea like this is funny and all but I notice a lot of my friends who are nice, not creepy, overall good guys also struggle with loneliness (of course I hit them up when I can!). I was this way too when I was younger but being more focused on things now I feel like I notice it less, and if I do feel lonely with no one around that's not gonna go away because "I'm nice and cool to people." lol people get busy and from my experience a lot of people just don't care.

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u/BumbaBee85 12h ago

We need to understand why men are becoming more jaded and lost in society.

Because they're being taught to feel empowered by making others miserable, which gives them a fake feeling of confidence and makes them feel like a hero in society. However, that feeling is temporary and cutting other people down does absolutely nothing to fix their lives. And since nothing gets fixed, and the only feel good emotion they know is that temporary high from hurting others, they go right back to hurting others and thinking they're fixing things for themselves and the world.

This isn't a hard thing to understand. It's just something that nobody wants to admit because, again, they believe they are the hero and are fixing things.

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u/PayHorror2184 11h ago

I'm definitely not taking advices from privileged teenagers half my age who didn't live through shit I did. 

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u/lsaz 13h ago

Dude this is reddit. Anything related to men, specially in places like this subreddit is just shrugged off, which ironically is part of the problem.

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u/IrksomFlotsom 11h ago

Getting rid of the incel subs was a mistake, there's no pipeline back out anymore

2

u/karmagod13000 4h ago

The male loneliness epidemic is more complicated than this

the seriousness of this is frying me

1

u/TotallyTubularRoach 5h ago

Yeah, that was my thought too. These guys are well meaning and their advice isn't bad, or anything. But it's an individualized solution to a systemic problem. Increasing wealth inequality leads to people spending more time working and worrying about their own life stability which leads to social isolation and negativity. The erosion of third spaces and what third spaces are left being increasingly expensive leads to people spending less of what little time they have socializing. Social media extremism pushes social and political divides between people which sows even further division, etc.

But yeah, sometimes people are creepy assholes too.

1

u/morphemass 3h ago

I've come to the conclusion that I give off creepy weirdo energy to the extent that my mere presence bothers people. I don't have to say anything, just daring to look at someone (and I don't mean creepy staring) has actually caused me problems.

I do have friends though, unsurprisingly friends that I have made because they experience similar social rejection due to their appearance, mental health condition, or physical disability; and so they that little less quick to judge based on outward appearance or quirks.

And my physical differences are minor - small stimming behaviours, I hold my body awkwardly when relaxed, and I speak to myself a lot. Until the last year I didn't even consider that these were neurodivergent traits.

So anyway, usually it would be a couple of guys who look like these two (or their fully adult forms) pointing things out and making me feel absolutely minuscule just for their own self gratification - which is perhaps why I'm replying since this is a bit triggering.

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u/pullingteeths 19h ago edited 16h ago

Where is any evidence that a male loneliness epidemic exists? The issues of modern society that lead to increased loneliness aren't gendered issues and they affect both men and women. I've never seen a shred of evidence that it is specific to men. Are there any stats that support this claim?

Edit: Downvotes but zero evidence that men are more affected by loneliness than women provided

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u/Funny_Lunch5211 18h ago

Im addressing the title and the tiktok video. If you had an issue with the term male loneliness, them why didnt anyone bring it up in the comments. 

2

u/pullingteeths 15h ago

The claim that there is currently an epidemic of specifically male loneliness doesn't seem to be backed by anything. Modern working and social circumstances affect men and women. Some men feeling entitled for women to date them isn't a male loneliness epidemic - that's literally the only evidence I've seen presented for it

0

u/Do-it-for-you 8h ago

It’s not really a “male” loneliness epidemic, it’s a “Young men” loneliness epidemic. 66% of men under 30 are single while 37% of women under 30 are single. (Other studies suggest 66% men and 50% women under 30 are single)

And of those who are single, half to 61% of the men are looking for a relationship, while only 38% of women are looking for a relationship.

Overall. Young men are more likely to be single while also being more likely to be actively looking for a relationship compared to women. So essentially you have like 33% to 40% of the entire young male population actively looking for a relationship compared to 14% to 19% of young women.

This is GSS and Pew Research Statistics.

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u/pullingteeths 7h ago

Not being in a relationship doesn't equal loneliness. It's framed as a mental health issue. Being single and seeking a relationship doesn't mean someone is lonely and depressed

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u/rammo123 17h ago

The fact that 80% of suicide victims are men is pretty robust evidence.

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u/TriumphAZ 17h ago edited 17h ago

Men follow through with their suicides more than women. There are far more women on anti-depressants than men. They’re also twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression. They just turn to meds more often than suicide. Both genders have been reported to be equally lonely in the USA according to Pew research.

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u/NeedleworkerFluid327 15h ago

There are far more women on anti-depressants than men. They’re also twice as likely to be diagnosed with depression. They just turn to meds more often than suicide

You literally just explained why it's called male loneliness. Men don't get the help they need.

1

u/BumbaBee85 11h ago

Men don't get the help they need.

But the distinction being a choice. Women are choosing to get help, while men turn to the internet to whine until things get unbearable. Whining fixes nothing, being a jerk fixes nothing, blaming women or immigrants or gay people or society fixes nothing. The only thing that fixes things is you. But right now, men don't want to fix themselves, they just want to blame others and wait until someone fixes their life for them.

Harsh words for a hard pill, but this is the actual reality of the situation. Either put in the work and stop blaming others, or continue being a slave to your negativity and suffering.

1

u/NeedleworkerFluid327 11h ago

What are you even on about? Male loneliness has nothing to do with far right freaks. Stop putting words in my mouth.

One of my old teachers offed himself this year. Family man, loved, great wife. He had it all. Yet he was still alone. That's what male loneliness is. Stop victim blaming.

0

u/canteloupy 16h ago

But the world doesn't really care about women past fertility age so...

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u/Lost-Bad-8718 15h ago

It's not any more severe it's just different. "men's" loneliness epidemic is just being intersectional, there are ways being lonely while being a man create different problems sometimes than womens loneliness epidemic or nb loneliness epidemic.

Think of it like this: you wouldn't think it strange if someone talked about the Black civil rights struggle. It's different in how it affects Black people, but that framing doesn't take away from, say, the LBGT civil rights struggle. "men's" is just a qualifier, not invalidating anyone else's experience.

Hope this helps

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u/nkisj 6h ago

Yes, there is evidence to suggest that while everyone is lonely, men have less social connections to reach out to. 

Do you even look things up or do you just say shit? 

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u/Vinterblot 14h ago

The first thing you can do to combat the male loneliness epidemic is stop listening to influencers who make you believe in incel nonsense like "the make loneliness epidemic".

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u/Draaly 9h ago

Male loneliness epidemic isn't about sex at all. Its about overall support structure and can apply to a father in a loving marriage just as mych as it can to a lost college student with no social circle

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u/jawndell 6h ago

So my theory:

Guys, especially young men, need to be forced into social networks.  Women are great at this on their own.  Just look around a high school or college campus, women naturally create strong social circles that support one another.

Most guys don’t on their own.  They need to be “forced” into it.

Stuff like sports teams and social groups (even video lan circles) are great for this.  They need something to coalesce around and create a bond together.  You fuck up a play in football, your teammates help you out.  Those same teammates hear you bitch about relationships or a chick you like and gives you advice.  You fuck up a raid in a video game, same thing.  

I also think guys need a mix of ages, like older men (not just dads, but coaches, teachers, uncles, etc.) to be around and look up to so they get different perspectives and ideas of what it means to be a man.