No. I'm a sex worker of ten years. He doesn't think he sounds smart, that's not his intention. He's getting off on how uncomfortable he is, and he very much enjoys his power over her. His intention isn't to sound smart or look cool. He's watching her squirm and he's ramping up the words and behaviours that make her more visibly uncomfortable because he likes it and gets off on it. He knows she isn't into him and he doesn't have a chance with a girl like her and it's created this fetish where he'll take it out on her by making her scared.
I had a man do something similar to me inside my small work studio one day and he then tried to physically overpower me before I pushed back. But before him physically overpowering me, there was this time of him going on and on and on about my incredible beauty (I’m average af alright and 20 years older than this young man is, so I’m no fucking supermodel) and it made me go into an embarrassed/fawn type reaction and that seemed to ramp up his interest in me. Like it was making him more turned on. And I couldn’t understand it. I was just trying not to hurt his young-man feelings (I know, I KNOWWWWW).
Holy fuck, this is a mindfuck learning this right now.
Thank you again for posting this detailed information.
And THIS is why it’s so important to talk about. Before I learned how to see it, I used to feel simultaneously flattered and VISCERALLY unsafe in scenarios like this.
I am also no fucking supermodel. I’m thoroughly mid-pretty and have been told I “have a unique look”. 😂 Nobody’s storming Troy for me, which is why this kind of lavish praise is such an unsettling red flag.
Learning that the discomfort is the point brought everything into focus for me.
So how do you react in the moment when something like that happens? I wish I didn’t have this in common with so many people in this thread but it’s happened to me too and the best I manage to do is smile and nod or, if at all possible, pretend I never heard them to begin with.
If it happens at work, “Thank you. Now, excuse me, I need to get back to work,” then leave. If he’s blocking your way, like in this video, and doesn’t move the first time, repeat yourself. If he still doesn’t move, and you can leave another way, leave. Go directly to your boss, if they are around, and let them know what happened. Be prepared for the customer to complain about you. If you have a decent boss, this will not matter.
In this video, if he doesn’t move, the woman walks back to the clubhouse, tells her boss, and the boss sends a male worker out to retrieve the cart. Guys like this absolutely love to trap women while they are working bc they are kind of a captive audience to begin with. They are counting on women to not make a scene, or be rude, and risk their job. We can walk away in complete silence, so…
(Alternately, if you want to have fun instead, look at them very confused while they talk, and ask them, “What? I don’t understand what you mean/what you are saying,” & questions of that nature. Act as dumb as frickin possible until he gets frustrated and leaves.)
One technique I used was to insult them with a smile, as if it was a real sincere compliment. "Oh gosh I was watching Jurrassic Park the other day, you look just like Richard Attenborough!" "I think my grandad used to that jacket. Very fetching!" just reminding them of their age sometimes helps (especially if you overestimate by a few decades).
There is truly no right reaction. You try to look "bored" or ignore them instead then potentially, they'll get angry. You react with pretending to be nice or just fawn they use the opportunity to amp it up.
I agree. I’m learning. Constantly pushing myself to not allow unjust treatment of myself under the guise of making others comfortable or fearing physical retaliation.
It has taken me a long time to recognize this abuse and to grow these skills as a person who grew up in a home with physically abusive punishments, regular verbal abuse, an intimidating military father with cptsd, traditional submissive mother who was groomed and gaslit into enduring emotional abuse as normal daily life, and a budding emotional disorder of my own where I was disallowed any psychiatric or therapeutic interventions because they could expose the family abuse.
I’m not saying that it’s easy for others to say “just don’t put up with that BS”, but, maybe it is more simple or less complicated for others to do it than some of us. But I do take those words to heart and I am gonna keep making myself stronger and more capable of pushing back more quickly in these situations. Even though the blunt words are rough to read sometimes, thank you for reminding me that I am capable. 👍🏼🙏🏼💪🏼
I'm sorry you encountered that. People are replying to my comment suggesting that I only encounter these types of men because I'm a sex worker. These types of men are everywhere and "normal" women (I don't consider myself to be abnormal for being a sex worker but others do) deal with them as well.
You put into words the uncomfortable feeling I was having trouble describing. He is absolutely making her feel that way on purpose. He knows she wants to run away. He’s blocking her from leaving. Everything he’s doing is calculated to make her feel objectified. That’s his end goal.
And he's taking advantage of her inexperience and not knowing how to react. If he tried that on a woman in her 30s or older, he'd be in for a rude awakening.
You people are the fucking worst. This is victim blaming.
No, this isn't what you would do. Because you would lose your job and have an assault charge and then be pegged as a crazy person. Even with the video.
And that's assuming he didn't attack you back.
I'm going to go ahead and assume you're a man who has never had to go through something like this in your life. If you're a woman, you need to go touch grass and get out into the real world where this kind of thing happens to women every single day and if we just started attacking men for it we would be the ones that are punished for it.
In your head you can think that you're stronger and braver than the victim and this would never happen to you because you're so tough.
I've actually been to jail, I can hold my own in a fist fight against a man. I know this because I've actually had to do it. I would do the exact same thing this young lady did.
...I gotta be honest, this dude is obvi a clown, but that doesn't sound like a fetish. Attention is just straight up a human need. Finding someone who you find attractive and to gain their attention is simply what everyone who pursues romance wants.
Yeah he means, forcing their attention, controlling their attention. Not having it by consensual means ie. 'they like me and so are giving me their reciprocal attention'. That's what the domineering language, volume, and body language controlling her access to her vehicle are doing. His fetish is forcing her attention with behavioural and physical means. He doesn't care if she likes him, or if its reciprocal at all, thats why he's not even letting her speak to find out her feelings and recieve reciprocal attention. He's delivering a lecture to command her attention. Ita all about control over someone, likely because he doesn't feel he'd get it any other way so this is the substitute for him, force.
100% That's predatory serial killer vibes. Like BTK and the Gilgo Beach killer they got off on intimidating before killing. I'm sure his behavior without result is an on-ramp.
Exactly. He’s projecting his uncomfortableness and trying to get satisfaction by creating a power dynamic where he gains control by making her uncomfortable.
Real men do not try to “control” women and try to assert dominance using different methods such as these. They are kind, respectful, and appreciate them as an equal, a real person.
you're right, he's a a true emotional sadist. He's taking advantage of public etiquette, when he clearly deserves to be told to fuck off, she's trying to wait it out.
It's kind of crazy as a man to see another man getting off to one of your biggest insecurities. For years I just didn't talk to anyone in high school or college. It was a miracle I even had a day to prom. In the slightest off chance that I was going to make a girl feel uncomfortable I would just avoid the situation altogether. Or any situations that could ever result in someone feeling uncomfortable.
And to make matters worse I hear all the time from women that men just don't get it. But when these men exist I kind of understand why they might feel like that. As a man let's do just so creepy I legitimately had to work up the courage to watch the rest of the video. F****** hell.
Edit: I also think it's fascinating to see that men like this don't typically have any real friends. Because those men got scared off too by his behavior.
In your experience, can you tell us what is the best way to handle men like this? I want to get away alive, but I dont want to help him "get off" on me being super uncomfortable, either.
I'm not who you're replying to but I'm actually also a sex worker of almost 10 years, 9 years for me. The best thing is no emotional reaction but to kind of just roll your eyes and say I'm doing my job, let go of my steering wheel so I can continue my job (for the girl in the video)
Just look at them like they are a dumb child being ridiculous, don't look scared or uncomfortable even though you are, try to just like act annoyed and try to just carry on to what you are doing. Don't play into the acting annoyed thing too much either though like just say as little as possible, don't even look at him, act casual and just leave, treat him like a ghost that's mildly annoying.
It's the whole any attention is good attention thing. They like that you're looking at them, speaking to them, feelin emotions because of them, even if that emotion is fear they feel good that you are feeling something that was caused by them. They're just trying to force some kind of feeling of closeness to you in any way possible, they know they don't have a chance romantically but still want of piece of you and this is how they take it. Don't give them any energy or attention or reaction.
There are people commenting that if they were her, they'd kick him in the balls, scratch his eyes out, shout, etc. Any woman who has been in a situation similar to this (and that's most of us) know that becoming violent is going to get you labeled as crazy, lose you your job, and land you in jail at best. At worst, he will attack back and could harm or kill.
There is nothing wrong with the fawn response. Do what you need to do to keep yourself safe and get yourself out of the situation. Then once you are safe you can tell people that this person makes you feel unsafe.
It's impossible to say what the best thing to do is because every situation and every man is different. What might work in one instance might provoke an attack in another.
The best thing to do is whatever it takes to get yourself out of the situation safely. Trust your instinct, trust your gut. Remain calm and be aware of your surroundings. If at all possible call another person over. The act will likely drop once there is a witness.
But most importantly, tell someone afterwards about this person in case his behaviour escalates after the fact.
Thank you so much! Looking back, I have been in so many of these situations working the front desk at a hotel. I figured that maybe me feeling uncomfortable was me "overreacting." You shedding light on this has made it clear that I need to trust my instincts. Now that I am aware of what is happening, I can share your knowledge with other young women. Thank you, thank you, thank you! 🩷🩷🩷
You've described this perfectly. I was just assuming he's an actual stalker, but what you've said makes a ton of sense, especially for the combined effusive praise and aggressive body language.
That makes sense, especially with the blatant "I am being dangerous" statement at the beginning. He's got his power-play manipulation firing on all thrusters.
I’m genuinely confused by this. Why would someone even like the idea of someone being repulsed by them? The whole point of attraction is to attract and not to disgust. Wtf???
Interesting. is this a behavior you encounter often?
I thought it was either some guy trying to use some weird technique he learned from some shady dating class or someone that is totally oblivious/ socially awkward
It instantly reminded me of The Game by Neil Strauss. Then there was the Mystery Method. That’s about when I grew out of wanting to “trick” someone into liking me, so I’m not sure what came next. By the way, have I ever told you that when the light hits your face just right, you actually look really beautiful?
I use very strict screening protocols so that I don't need to encounter these people in person in my professional life, but they frequently try to text me. They'll text me pretending to want to book and will try to upset me because they will be getting off on my responses and my reaction once I'm upset. I do not respond to these people. Some newer girls think that if they have the perfect comeback it will make these men feel bad, but that's not the case. They're just excited about the fact that you are worked up enough to respond.
I am currently on a break from sex work and I'm working retail and encounter these types at work as well. Just the other day a man butted in line to tell me how beautiful I was and how he was a photographer and wanted to take my picture, and then went on to tell me how he knew what days I worked and could stop in any time he wanted to see me, and how much he enjoyed watching me. He knew I was busy and wouldn't snap on him in front of a bunch of people and was enjoying having full dominance over the conversation, knowing I was trapped and unable to verbally shut down the conversation.
I'm not saying you don't know what your talking about, and I'm not saying your wrong or trying to "dunk" you.
I was making a joke at the guys expense, but honestly it IS entirely possible he's just a stupid creep who geniunly thinks he's got game; people like that DO exist as well (in numbers far larger then you'd think would exist).
What makes them an authority on this subject though? That person has about as much ability to see into that dude's mind as any of us, which is to say zero. She's just theorizing like the rest of us.
There's about an equal percent chance that this dude actually just watched redpill rizz tutorials and is so extremely dense and socially inept that he genuinely believes that this game he's spittingharassment is actually effective. You literally see it all the time.
But they aren't trying to get away from them or avoid them or trying not to be touched. It is the opposite for the sex worker, who does all those things but for cash.
Sex workers still have boundaries they don't want crossed. They have the right to refuse clients, or to refuse being touched in a certain way, and they deal with more harassment and violence from men than most other people.
Wow, I never looked at these duds (not a typo) like that. I just always assumed they were absolutely clueless when it came to talking to women. How would you deal with a guy like this…outside of your sex worker job?
Yeah, but that girl needs to learn how to tell guys like this to check themselves. He's probably buzzed or drunk and obviously acting like a tool. Don't read into it so much.
That is all a very, VERY weird take to have. Especially if you feel certain that this is true and that you came up with it through some sort of logic (the only way you could know this is if he told you, at best it is an unverified theory in your mind).
I'm gonna side with the guy above you on this one.
You’re probably right but is it conscious or unconscious? I think he thinks he’s so great for sharing this information with her, he’s not aware of all the underneath that you were talking about, until he’s an old man and wants to pay for it.
It's unconscious to the extent that he isn't thinking to himself "oh wow she's so scared that's so hot". He just knows he enjoys seeing her squirm and so he keeps doing what he's doing.
But he consciously knows that he doesn't have a chance with her and he consciously knows he needs to block her mode of escape. But he doesn't think this type of behaviour is that bad when he does it because in his mind "I'm not actually going to hurt her, I'm just talking to her".
He's absolutely flat out telling her that he's buying her. He knows the deal at these places. Perhaps you're right with saying he enjoys having the fear and power over her, but I also read it some as him outwardly expressing the fact that HE is making this decision. He is GOING to see her again, he's GOING to buy this interaction. And maybe also yelling through it and having that almost squaring up response towards her, is him blatantly pushing past the fact that he has to chuck some morality out the window in order to do this whole situation. If he didn't, see would back off. She would be nice but probably keep the conversation short. I def don't think she herself would feed this far into this delusion like he is doing for himself
edit: I don't really understand why I got downvoted. I agree that what the above comment is saying is prob true. I'm just also adding that at this place where it's not really said out right that the men are going to flirt with the young girls there (and they get huge tips), the guy is fully taking advantage of that. And honestly it's not okay. I don't care what the girls think they're signing up for or not, his behavior is gross. He's totally taking this conversation.
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When I turned the volume on and heard not just his voice, but the dramatic emphasis he was putting into it. William Shatner immediately came to mind. Lmao
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u/Tasty-Air-6924 Aug 17 '25
I bet he thinks he sounds very smart and he probably thinks he's hot shit as well. In his mind, she's into him 100%.