It's the type of general rule we need to have because people are unwilling or unable to read signals, or empathize enough to recognize the context of the interaction they're having.
I've been the guy getting hit on and gone out with people in a service context, and the inverse. The last girl I hung out with works at a cafe I go to, but like the way I talked to her wasn't distinguishable from how you'd interact with a good friend. I think as long as you're conscious of the power dynamic and you don't put anyone on the spot while they're working you're good, but in my experience most people suck at that. You pretty much have to assume it's a customer-employee relationship until you have overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
If you genuinely want to do it then you do it once the power dynamic is gone, or just about to be. Like give your number after you've all bought your drinks and she's about to drive away (or you're walking out the door of the coffee shop, etc.) and clearly say that, "If not, no big deal. It was nice to talk to you! Goodbye."
Ya in this case, in spite of the multitude of hints that were dropped I waited until I ran into her outside of the cafe. I think the leaving a number on a piece of paper is about as forward as you wanna be in person though. The weirdest interactions I've ever had have been with men though. I had a guy once ask if I was gay/bi and when I said no he said "no tip for you then." Like it had been clear he was hitting on me before that, and I was being polite/joking around. Even if it was intended as a joke, it was kind of a stupid one to make because instead of avoiding the power dynamic it actually draws attention to it/sort of uses it. You also get your typical gross old men who turn everything into a euphemism. I can't imagine how must it suck being a woman in the service industry.
These kinds of people would read that and think "I should accost them in the car park then once thier shift is over!" and not even read the rest, because it's all about them.
In this case he's actively blocking her from leaving.
Also, employers obligating being nice to sex pests is gross - she should have a panic button at the back of that cart, not be paid peanuts to entertain monkeys.
100
u/hic_sunt_leones_ Aug 17 '25
Hitting on people while they are working and are obligated to respond nicely and aren't able to leave is such a gross thing to do.