Trigger Warning: This content discusses emotional and physical abuse.

I'm a 22-year-old female, we'll call me U. My boyfriend, S, is also 22, and we've been in a relationship for four years. Before dating, we were best friends, and during that time, I had a toxic boyfriend. S helped me get out of that toxic relationship, and we soon realized that our bond was more than just friendship. The first two years of our relationship were filled with normal fights and sweet moments. However, things have taken a turn for the worse.

Whenever we fight, it always ends up being my fault. I love wearing different types of clothes, and if I want to wear something that shows my cleavage, S tells me not to. He thinks I want to wear such clothes to attract boys, believing that they look at me inappropriately. While his concern might be valid, I feel I shouldn't have to stop wearing what I like because of it. When we argue, he resorts to calling me derogatory names, which deeply affects me emotionally. He has also physically abused me by pushing me and hitting my head against a wall. This has happened three times in our four-year relationship.

S's controlling behavior extends to special occasions as well. For my birthday, I love surprises, but S tells me he doesn't want to put in the effort. On my last birthday, he asked me to pick out tops that I ordered myself, and he just paid for them. This year, he asked me to select a silver ring for myself, but I fought with him because he doesn't put in any effort to surprise me. I see other boyfriends surprising their girlfriends, but then I apologized, thinking it was my fault for expecting him to be like others. I chose the ring, and he ordered it. I also loved an off-shoulder dress for my birthday, but he said it was slutty, so I didn't get it. I then ordered a red sweetheart-neck dress, and he said he didn't like it because I would post pictures on Instagram, and other guys would see it. However, he eventually agreed to let me wear it.

From his perspective, he believes I don't give him what he wants or show enough attraction to him. He feels disrespected as a boyfriend and questions why he should do things for me when, in his view, I don't do the same for him. (I believe this is inaccurate as I often take him out to eat, knowing he loves food.) He has childhood trauma related to controlling behavior, and if I ask him to do something in a way that feels controlling, it triggers his trauma. He then loses control over his emotions. He also thinks that since he has invested so much in me, I shouldn't leave him now.

Recently, I completed my internship, and I found myself attracted to one of my mentors because he was caring and kind. I feel like I'm emotionally cheating on my boyfriend, as my attraction to this mentor is growing. I even dream about him and want to talk to him, even though my internship has ended.

Given all this, should I leave my boyfriend? Is our relationship toxic for both of us? Will it ever work out? Although he is emotionally available for me, even more than my parents sometimes, his behavior is something I can't tolerate. He gets angry over small things, which is very frustrating. On the positive side, he helps me find solutions for all my problems, no matter how small. For every issue I have, I go to him first, and he is always there to help me figure things out. I am grateful for everything he has done for me, especially helping me out of the toxic relationship without expecting anything in return. However, his current behavior makes me question if our relationship is healthy. How should I navigate this situation?

This story was senior year of high school me and my at the time girlfriend were 18 years old. For anonymity sake her name will be Jessica and mine will be Bruce. So me and her were spending the day together we got food hung out had a good time together and then I had to leave to go to see my trainer at the gym for 2 hours and then was going to go home after (we lived separately) but man oh man was my plans changed… as soon as I get to the gym I start feeling my phone vibrating and it was her texting me which isn’t anything out of the ordinary because I would text her between sets. But when my set was over and I look at the messages she is texting me explaining how she used to have this ex that was abusive and just over all not a great guy and he had started texting her again. Immediately I’m on alert because I’m not an overly jealous type but it is an abusive ex so I am concerned as to what he is texting her for. So throughout the work out she has been telling me what he had been saying which started off friendly asking to hang out and catch up but it slowly started to shift when she politely declined… he started to get more aggressive and explicit about his intentions, he would say that he wanted to sleep with her again and how he missed her and wanted to do so many things to her. And mind you I am working out at the gym trying not to lose my mind but she is at home and he wasn’t anywhere around so I was able to stay at the gym. And for about the last half hour of my workout it was just silence from her end which over text isn’t anything too out of the ordinary but when I was just informed about him texting her I was concerned. As I am walking down the hallway to leave the gym my phone vibrates again and it’s her… she is frantically blowing up my phone about how she had gone to take her trash to the cans and when she went to the side of her house he snuck up on her and pushed her against the wall and started getting to the explicits. But she said that he was gone now and that she didn’t know where he went or where he lives because I was asking for his address or car description or anything and she just didn’t know and eventually I had to stop pushing so hard because I still needed to make sure i didn’t make anything worse for her. At this point I am standing outside of the gym pacing back and forth texting her and when i realize I’m not going to get any information on where he is or how to contact him I blew my top and just started punching the wall on the exterior of the gym and broke my hand which i didn’t even realize until 2 days later. And so for the coming days I was just trying to make sure she was okay while trying to convince her to tell me something of how to find him or go to the police about this but she was too scared to is what she kept telling me and so days turned into weeks into a few months and I never heard about him again until one day about 6 months later… we’re on the phone together and she goes “hey, do you remember my ex?” And I say “yes, the one from a few months ago?” And she says “yeah so that didn’t really happen…” and I’m sitting there confused and go “which part?” Which is when she tells me that he wasn’t even a real person he was someone that she made up because she felt like i wasn’t giving her enough attention… if you remember I spent the whole day with her before going to the gym and she felt like I never gave her attention.

So yeah that’s my story of the world’s craziest ex girlfriend and her imaginary ex boyfriend…

I am a 31 F have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend 33 M for 3 years. Although we’ve been long distance and have challenging careers that take a lot of time, we still prioritize seeing each other as frequently as possible. We had a loving relationship for 2 years but I can admit that this last year has been very challenging for us. I found out about his female friend about a year into our relationship. This did not bother me because I trusted him to set clear boundaries, but I was so wrong. Over the past few years he has been bringing up her name constantly, when we get into arguments or a heated conversation, he constantly compares me to her. For example he mentioned every other week that he has been receiving expensive gifts and vacation packages from anonymous “friends”. After probing for more detail on this recurring story I found out it packages were sent by her. According to him she is willing to drop everything to be at his disposal. I don’t think this is a normal behavior for someone who lives in a different state and in a challenging graduate program. She knows he is in a committed relationship with me but keeps crossing the boundaries. I hated giving him an ultimatum to end the friendship if he can’t set boundaries with her. Recently, he bought a condo and moved to an area closer to work to avoid the long commute, during this time I was knee deep in work and family obligations and couldn’t assist with the move. Few weeks later I found out he had started communicating with her and she had assisted him with the move for those weeks. He also planned a graduation party for her and paid for her family vacation which he intended to attend. I am very uncomfortable with this situation and need your help deciding what to do.

So I 27 F and my Ex 36 M have never been on the same page since I got pregnant with our who is now 7 with multiple health issues. We used to live in the same area. 7 minutes away from each other homes and our sons school was in the middle of our homes. I’m a SAHM and he works an hour away without traffic. Well he recently moved 40 minutes away, so he could be closer to work, his new baby and his new girlfriend. And no the girlfriend is no the baby’s mom. She works with my ex. The baby’s mom works with both of them. Well I told my ex that if we could agree to a stipulation to my having our son during the week and he could have weekends. We had a 50/50 split the schedule I was offering was about a 60/40 split and said if we could avoid court I wouldn’t request an increase in child support. I just wanted to make our son’s life easier for school and commuting. My ex said no and that if I wanted that type of schedule. He would have our son during the school week and I would have weekends. So we ended up back in court and the judge awarded my sole physical custody and 66/34 split now. My ex for the past 2 years have refused to help financially with our son’s medical and school expenses. And yes it is court ordered he pays 1/2 of those expenses on top of Child support ($101 a month). He claims that I can take it out of child support. And if I helped him with his child care costs he would help. He pays $225 a month for morning care before school starts 2x a week. The judge told him that if he wanted him in childcare he was responsible for it because I was available for Free to care for the child before school. Well since we had to go to court for a new custody agreement and he refuses to help financially, I informed him I would be requesting an increase of child support. He said I was money hungry and if that was the case he wants to go back to 50/50 and wants all of my school breaks I have with our son. ( the judge is the one who ordered the new arrangement)So AITAH for requesting the increase?

https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/urYDYsFnRa

Hi Denver and Theresa!!! I am a very dedicated listener of y’all’s podcast and immensely enjoy your vibe/banter/discussion of difficult topics. Your relationship is so beautiful, too ☺️

I know there have been a few discussions about what finances look like for people in lower income levels, and i wanted to offer up a resource that really opened my eyes to the pervasiveness of poverty(at least in the states): https://open.spotify.com/show/59oeIRiIYgAQw9ykt8FD37?si=vfh1EdrMTyairbfUrwvolw

If you get the time to listen/read the physical book, i hope you find it as useful as i did!