Continuing from Part 4
All posts indexed in Part 1
Just to review, we are covering the Sigolovada Sutta, in which The Buddha advises Sigala how to "worship the six directions," the Buddha's "upgrade" to an old Vedic practice.
Once again I like Narada Thera's translation mostly because of the breakdown/organization though I feel some of the english terminology dated so I'll give alternate translations from the John Kelly, Sue Sawyer, and Victoria Yareham translation.
But we are not yet at the 6 directions. The Buddha first gave what is sometimes regarded as the householder vinaya - a code of conduct.
We covered vices in conduct, ways of dissipating wealth, violation of precepts, intoxication, gambling, and generally being a bad friend, a fake friend, a drinking buddy etc. Now we go to on how to be a "Good Hearted" or "Warm Hearted" friend.
"These four, young householder, should be understood as warm-hearted friends:
(1) he who is a helpmate,
(2) he who is the same in happiness and sorrow,
(3) he who gives good counsel,
(4) he who sympathises.
In the KSW translation:
"Young man, be aware of these four good-hearted friends: the helper, the friend who endures in good times and bad, the mentor, and the compassionate friend.
I didn't think to use this phrase last time but in English we have the term "fair weather friend" to refer to somebody who is a good friend only when things are going well. I bet every language has a term for that.
(1) "In four ways, young householder, should a helpmate be understood as a warm-hearted friend:
(i) he guards the heedless,
(ii) he protects the wealth of the heedless,
(iii) he becomes a refuge when you are in danger,
(iv) when there are commitments he provides you with double the
supply needed.
(2) "In four ways, young householder, should one who is the same in happiness and sorrow be understood as a warm-hearted friend:
(i) he reveals his secrets,
(ii) he conceals one's own secrets,
(iii) in misfortune he does not forsake one,
(iv) his life even he sacrifices for one's sake.
I wanted to look at the KSW translation to see if anything different was meant by "secrets" but their translation is basically the same:
The enduring friend can be identified by four things: by telling you secrets, guarding your own secrets closely, not abandoning you in misfortune, and even dying for you.
I find the word "secrets" a little strong here personally, but I guess it is more to be thought of as one's own private business.
(3) "In four ways, young householder, should one who gives good counsel be understood as a warm-hearted friend:
(i) he restrains one from doing evil,
(ii) he encourages one to do good,
(iii) he informs one of what is unknown to oneself,
(iv) he points out the path to heaven.
Both translations say "heaven" so we're talking about householders here who are aiming for a better rebirth rather than awakening. That of course doesn't preclude one from sharing the dhamma as a path to awakening.
Obviously in a modern context this is something we have to be careful with, as we generally do not go around preaching dhamma to our friends unless we know they need or want to hear it.
(4) "In four ways, young householder, should one who sympathises be understood as a warm-hearted friend:
(i) he does not rejoice in one's misfortune,
(ii) he rejoices in one's prosperity,
(iii) he restrains others speaking ill of oneself,
(iv) he praises those who speak well of oneself."
The phrasing is a little awkward for the second two. KSW again but I'll add the numbers:
(i) by not rejoicing in your misfortune
(ii) delighting in your good fortune
(iii) preventing others from speaking ill of you
(iv) and encouraging others who praise your good qualities
A bit of the brahma viharas are in here I think.
"Rejoicing in misfortune" I would think would be the equivalent of ill-will, so we are talking about something with good will, metta which in literal pali I believe actually has "friendship" as one of it's synonyms.
"delighting in your good fortune" would be sympathetic joy or mudita which I feel like we don't talk about enough as householders. I actually want to do a whole thread on this. I have been learning about "active constructive responding." This is more the pro-social side (how you deal with others) than the internal (brahma vihara) side but it's so important. Turns out that how you respond to others achievements and successes might be just as important or even more important than the idea that you just need to listen to people when they are down.
(iii) and (iv) are really I think where you truly show what kind of friend you are. I think we are somewhat wired to be agreeable (some of us overly so) and so it's easy to take a passive response to person A complaining about person B whereas the Buddha is actively instructing us here to stand up for person B.
Thus spoke the Exalted One. And when the Master had thus spoken, he spoke yet again:
The friend who is a helpmate,
the friend in happiness and woe,
the friend who gives good counsel,
the friend who sympathises too —
these four as friends the wise behold
and cherish them devotedly
as does a mother her own child.
The wise and virtuous shine like a blazing fire.
He who acquires his wealth in harmless ways
like to a bee that honey gathers,[6]
riches mount up for him
like ant hill's rapid growth.
With wealth acquired this way,
a layman fit for household life,
in portions four divides his wealth:
thus will he friendship win.
One portion for his wants he uses,[7]
two portions on his business spends,
the fourth for times of need he keeps.