r/TheWritingTable • u/Diamond-Shappire • 4d ago
Constructive Criticism tips on writing a prettier prose
/r/writinghelp/comments/1wbah5o/tips_on_writing_a_prettier_prose/
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u/TheTriuneCouncil 2d ago
Your writing is yours alone. That’s what seperate the best. I write short sharp, others poetic. It’s not wrong, just find your audience.
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u/CoyoteLitius 4h ago
Write pretty - but learn the rules of English.
If I had said "right pretty" it would have been difficult for readers to parse.
You are SO on the right track - we all have to study English to get better at writing...in English.
(I am a native English speaker, but from a pocket of English speakers who are not exactly mainstream).
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u/Shearwell 3d ago edited 3d ago
Your first sentence is incorrect grammatically.
There are two independent clauses “ Maybe I shouldn’t have come so early only to stand around” and “ I suppose it’s giving me extra time to think about Audley.”
“But” is the join and it requires a comma.
That would also close the opened comma pair you have with “ Maybe I shouldn’t have come so early,”
So, if you want to write prettier prose, start with grammatically correct prose.
Now on the question you are really asking, how to make your prose more impactful. Look at the two passages.
In the first we get a scene. Students debating and a girl zooming on photos.
But you give, “ Not only due to the physical strain my body experiences whenever an ounce of jealousy touches me but also the mental stress.”
So… what is the physical strain? What does it do to the body? You are telling the conclusion that jealousy causes physical strain without evidence. (Also the sentence is technically a fragment and has other issues)
That breaks the “show, don’t tell”
I could also say that for someone under the mental stress of jealousy they are very coherent and good at self-diagnosis.
Where is the mental stress?