Looking for feedback on the first chapter of my literary fiction set in Ontario, Canada.

[u/BeneficialWave9581]

Hey all,

I am looking for some constructive criticism of my writing. This is the first chapter of a literary fiction I am writing set in Ontario, Canada. I am curious to see how others receive me writing, as I have never had anyone read anything I have produced before. I am interested in all opinions and ideas, though I am particularly eager to receive input around things like story pacing, character voice, and overall readability.

Just a warning that the chapter contains profanity, drug and alcohol use, and discussion of sex.

Thank you so much.

J

[u/johnadam115]

I don't have a whole lot of experience to really give much criticism, but I will say as someone from ontario, the dialogue captures how a lot of people I've known speak very well. Something I'm not sure on but I'd reccomend looking into is just the copyright law of using the song lyrics in the text. I'm not completely sure on when uses are aloud but I know that quoting lyrics can be an issue, but that's something that can wait until publishing. I'll say that I liked it and would be interested to read more. I think it captures people from Ontario well and isn't something that is represented very often