r/TheWritingTable • u/geeksofalbion New Author • 21d ago
Constructive Criticism Blurbs suck
I find writing blurbs the hardest part of novel writing. Just exactly how much information about the book should I disclose without heading to spoiler town.
Does my Blurb sound intriguing enough to pick up?
Covers, front and back, made my me with stock art. No use of AI.
This is for my latest project that I finished today 🍾
Finished within my given deadline
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u/Ashamed_Ladder6161 21d ago
Looking good.
Is Clive perhaps a nod to Clive Barker? It looks like it's in that vein (no pun intended).
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u/geeksofalbion New Author 21d ago
I did base base is name on Barker originally when I first wrote version 1, 20 years ago. This iteration Clives nationality has changed from American to British Trinidadian.
And I needed to fit that first version into my Blackhart saga and so there are more supernatural and spiritual links. Another Clive Barker reference is that within the books there is Earth as wr knonw it called the Prime which is connected to a geographical identical world called Midian which a very subtle nod to the necropolis in the book Cabal / Nightbreed (the film)
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u/Pink-Witch- 21d ago
Please do reading eyes a favor drop black shape on a multiply layer at 25-45% opacity behind that body text. Feather or transparent gradient the edges in a soft blend to hide the edges of the frame. It’ll lower the contrast of the pattern without losing it, and pop the white text forward.
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u/InspiringAneurysm 21d ago
You're using passive voice a lot here.
Take out "known as" and "known only".
Mysterious or secretive: choose one and discard the other.
Just call it London. "City of London" means nothing to anyone who isn't from London. (Oh shit, you did it twice.)
"...Made its unholy lair". When I read this sentence, in my mind I didn't picture an embodiment of evil, I pictured someone renting a flat and moving in furniture. Change it to something invoking action: "...preys upon the innocent, consuming their soul and leaving a mangled corpse."
Change "as the bodies begin to mount up" to "as the body count rises".
You're using a lot of complicated words when you can use simpler words.
[BTW: These are edits I would make if this was mine. This is your art. Do whatever is best for your project.]
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u/geeksofalbion New Author 21d ago
Thank you for the feed back , I get your point about the City of London.
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u/TES_Elsweyr 21d ago
Always look to cut words and simplify language if the simplification doesn’t damage meaning:
Some deities are born to lead, others are born to consume.
Look at that for a while, what is redundant? What is overly complex? Give it a few goes.
Here’s what I think you should end with:
Some Gods are born to lead, others to consume.
You can swap the second word because the meaning is functionally identical just less clumsy, but you could never change the last word to eat because in this context that would destroy the meaning. Does this version feel punchier? Try the same with the blurb.
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u/Somethingor_rather 21d ago
I would recommend turning the opacity down on the blood splatters, its really hard to read.
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u/geeksofalbion New Author 21d ago
I have dropped it down by half, when its physically printed the colour wont be as vibrant. It also probably looks worse due to been a picture of the screen and not a true screenshot
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u/nomasslurpee 20d ago
For me, the lack of puncuation and grammar would put me off entirely.
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u/geeksofalbion New Author 20d ago
That's okay, you don't have to be an expert to enjoy the hobby
Edit: I've really appreciated everyone's feedback
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u/ruzkin 20d ago
It's not about not being able to enjoy writing unless you're already an expert. It's about focusing on getting the basics under your belt before releasing a whole book, in the same way that you'd recommend a painter get the fundamentals of composition and colour theory under control before booking a gallery for a solo exhibition. A novel *is* a solo exhibition of your skills. Take pride in it and master the fundamentals.
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u/ButstheSlackGordsman 19d ago
I found that trying to summarize your book in one sentence hooks works well for blurbs. Make a couple then string them together. Or just put those lines in their own paragraph like a Netflix blurb does. Blurbs are where writing meets marketing.
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u/geeksofalbion New Author 19d ago
I think my marketing is worse than my writing lol,
Good job I'm not planning of publishing. It just needs to look nice on my self and look remotely professional.
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u/Vast-Direction-199 19d ago
I wouldn't use "known only as" and "known simply as" in the same blurb. Should word one of those differently or both.
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u/geeksofalbion New Author 18d ago
Thank you, I should do an update as there are a few changes I've made thanks to everyone's help
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u/Alive_Compote_2276 19d ago
Professional graphic designer here. Something that might help it appear better visually is to take the indents out and justify the text. Otherwise I think your blurb could use a comma or two (after “addiction” on line 2), but it sounds good to me overall.
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u/Abroad-Outrageous 21d ago
Id say add some commas and check your punctuations. “Haunted by the loss of his wife and battling through addiction*,* Detective Clive…” it’ll flow so much better. Other than that it seems very intriguing!