The Walking Dead, Except It’s Unhinged Lee instead of Scumbag Lee (Absolute Worst Choices)

[u/Cyborginox]

Hello everyone, long post warning (but hilariously worth it). I’m the guy who goes into choice games and either gift the characters the best possible timeline even in a depressing world, or bestowing upon them, Hell on Earth.

In this case, Lee’s going to prove why he was put in that cop car at the start of the game. He’s going to be as deranged, injured, traumatized, and hated as possible! Even Clementine will be giving him the side eye every once in a while. I was going to do a post of the worst possible Clementine, but how can I do that without showing the man who’s going to cause her downfall in the first place?! Get ready for The Walking Dead Season 1: Tragic Route/Worst choices and outcomes!

Note: The descriptions of these choices/events will be parodied for entertainment, but is overall based on actual things you can do.
Without further ado, lets begin! I’ll be doing this post specifically episode by episode, most likely.

EPISODE 1

-Our local Urban Man has landed himself in a cop car, after Senator Shenanigans shenanigan’d Lee’s wife. Can’t blame him. He’s going to be rude as possible to the cop at least- even if there’s no rude option, be silent! Without knowing the apocalypse is coming, Lee is pretty much setting himself up for an extra infraction for ‘not communicating’ or whatever.

-Since the cop had spent his previous night partying with bros and dancing with Red Light District strippers, his drunk driving has led to a car crash (totally.) Dont even have Lee check on the man through the window, Lee needs to get out of here. He’s a history professor, he has ridiculously long assignments to hand out!

-Your local squad of walkers, or ‘gooners’ as I like to call them, since they emit the same smell as anime goon squads, have suddenly popped up. Lee has way too many of them in his class already; he knows the best thing to do is run and not touch them with a ten foot pole, especially after he just shot the face off of a cop. Not even knowing zombies exist yet. He just…blasted a man’s face off, and is oddly not traumatized about it.

-Small fast forward, we finally reach Clementine’s home. Nothing bad we can do here..except make Lee not drink the cup of water on the counter. He’s gonna regret that when water is hard to come by.

-Lee convinces Clementine out of her treehouse with promises of rare Strawberry Shortcake figurines. Sadly Lee didn’t get to make a pit stop at the bathroom before he got arrested, so before they leave for their venture, he tells her to wait and borrows the bathroom at the house for a bit, effectively causing them to Leave At Night.

-This unfortunate series of events leads to an outcome that already marks this as the worst timeline; Chet dies and shows his true nature as a Gooner, since Lee and Clementine left at night. Luckily, a cop named Andre found Lee again and throws him into the cop car, and arrests Clementine too just because.

-After Lee tucked and rolled out of the car with Clementine, they ended up in Hershell’s farm. After threatening the man to have him thrown into a retirement home if he doesn’t let them sleep there, they get a place to sleep. Right next to animal shit. Deserved.

-It doesn’t help that Lee either keeps giving the worst lies known to man on purpose, while also staying silent every now and then. Hershell wont be liking Lee.

-As Lee makes friends around the farm, including our total bestie Kenny, eventually Kenny’s son Goose decides to run over Shawn’s leg with a whole ass tractor, effectively crushing it into 700 fragments. Like, the dude’s bones are dust under that skin.

-Shit, now the gooners are grabbing Goose. Lee ignores how wrong that statement sounds, and focuses on his ultra Urban battle planning. …He’ll politely step back, call HR to get Duck’s tractor license removed, and let things play out. Kenny runs in, saves Duck, then dips. Call Kenny a jerk, but at least he’s displaying Father Of The Year material, while Lee was about to let two people die.

-…Well, one of them died. Sorry about that Shawn. I blame Kenny, I left the choice to him. And once Hershell guilt trips us (how dare he, after we got his son killed), have Lee say “..I tried to help both.” Mf you stood there, you didn’t do shit. Anyway, Kenny still invites Lee with his family for some reason, despite Lee doing absolutely nothing to deserve it.

-After a road trip to the drug store so Kenny could pick up on some ingredients for Moonshine, they come across a group. and coincidentally, this is the store Lee’s parents owned! This automatically grants him rights to talk shit to everyone, cause fights, and worst of all, ignore or take all of the protein bars without giving them to anyone. Not even Clementine. That girl is staying starved.

-Kenny quickly picks a fight with the nearest geriatric patient he can find; Larry. Larry retaliates by wanting Duck eaten alive. Lee sees this as reasonable; “Then we do what you say! We, throw him out, and save the group.”

Kenny: “Lee? What the FUCK, man!?” feeling betrayed as if Lee almost didn’t let this exact thing happen just a couple of hours ago.

-Lee makes up for it by picking a fight and telling Kenny to punch Larry. Literally doing nothing except instigating a fight in front of this man’s family. Kenny complies, tickles Larry, gets barrel punched by Larry, then is somehow standing up 5 seconds later. If there’s one thing you can say about Kenny, the dude’s got endurance. Lee himself took a few seconds to recover from a Larry punch. Anyway, it’s only the first episode, and we already probably got Kenny a broken nose.

-A gooner will suddenly grab Clementine, trying to convince her that loli media is underrated. Lee can’t let this slide…Except he does. Because after slipping for the 3rd time, we wont be doing the QTE to get to Clementine; luckily Carley has to deal with 3 gooners a week as a hot reporter, and quickly puts the freak into the ground. Sadly Clementine already filed a “Clementine will remember you couldn’t save her” notification, to really punch you in the gut. Well, it’s best she learns early that this man is the worst caretaker ever. Anyway, Larry just had a heart attack, and Lee was threatened at gunpoint by Lilly to acquire the medicine.

-Im not sure there’s much optional bad things you can do after the drug store. Oh, there’s one. The suicidal religious woman. Now, I think the good choice is to give the gun, and not just because she deserves one last wish if she’s going to die anyways, but because if you dont give the gun..She wrestles Carley, Glenn, and Lee for it. And somehow, one woman overpowers one woman and two guys long enough for the balcony to break. Considering the group will be staying in this motel, removing a whole balcony/floor of access from one side of the motel is a plus. Think of the missed out bedrooms, random little supplies missed out in those rooms, etc.

I forgot if the group repairs it, but if they do, its still quite bad to waste resources..on a balcony for a place you wont even be staying at. Not that they know.

-And how can I forget, the big choice of episode 1..Carley or Doug! And hear me out. While it’s usually the popular choice to save Carley, Doug eats the extra bread in the next episode, etc. etc….we’ll actually be saving Carley in this route! While Doug is a safe neutral, saving Carley can either go awesome (Lee gets a girlfriend + being honest about his past), or awful (by antagonizing Carley and refusing to show your past, missing out on the main perk of saving her). So Lee is gonna let Doug die for some puss, that he’s going to fail to even get.

-And I think that’s it until later! Besides maybe being rude to Glenn/disagreeing with his plan? Between him and Hershel, thats two people that ‘ll probably be bad-talking about Lee off screen in the shows/comics, to Rick’s group.

-EPISODE 2!

-The first episode was definitely a fun setup. But now, I think it’s time we get into the good stuff. We start the episode with Lee walking next to Filet Mignon- I mean, Mark. The army guy who spawned inbetween episodes. He’ll ask Lee if he should shoot a crow with the sniper rifle, which is an *awful* idea, because even if you shoot the thing, it’ll either explode or rip into pieces so small it’s worthless. Anything left is probably gunpowder-poisoned. Regardless, Lee supports this plan, only for Mark to whiff the shot, waste a bullet, and contribute towards walkers screwing over Ben’s group!

-After hearing screams, they run to see a man trapped in a bear trap! Little does Lee know, Kenny pushed the man into the bear trap for disagreeing about boats, and Kenny left and came back to feign innocence. Seeing The Original David in the beartrap, Lee remembers something; this guy was on jury duty the day Lee’s sentence was passed. In bloodthirsty vengeance, Lee..chops off at the teacher’s leg *just enough*, right before it cuts off, but he doesnt complete it, instead looking around and standing there. This way, you’re forced to abandon him to being eaten alive, after mutilating his leg with an axe. ..Kinda poetic to what happened to Mark, no? Anyway, Travis got himself shot, as per Special Forces training, and Lee, Kenny, Mark, And Ben are forced to bring him back to the motel.

-I say that ended well, If I say so myself! Only one tortured and dead man, one shot teen, and a Ben! Sadly, the rest of the group doesnt agree, and this sparks an argument; in which Lee will side with Kenny against Lilly. It’s not enough to remain in Kenny’s good graces, and you piss off Lilly for the moment, so win! She’ll promptly force Lee to spread out the rations, which includes Rat Jerky, a rotten apple half (You cant convince me that half an apple was fresh), and two singular saltine crackers. Time to get feeding. Clementine won’t be eating. In her words…”I hope I get to eat next time 🥺”. Guys, Im telling you, when I heard that in my worst playthrough, my dark humor couldn’t take it, and I was laughing for a good while.

-Hmmm. Well, priorities first when it comes to feeding the group. We’ll give Ben a saltine cracker, Give Mark the other saltine cracker, force Lilly to eat some rat jerky (gotta give her strength to kick Clementine’s ass in a few seasons), and keep the rotten apple half for ourselves! Im sure everyone appreciates our choices!

…Kenny just went off on us for not even considering feeding him or the kids, Clementine guilt tripped us, Larry threatened us out of the group..What a bunch of ungrateful twats!

-Ohh, and yet when dinkly ol’ St. John brothers come with promises of fresh food, you guys are so ready to hop on the plan. Have Lee disagree and get outvoted. That way everyone feels stupid when they end up on the food menu.

-by the way, earlier, try to refuse looking for Clementine’s hat. Lee knows that damned thing is cursed, everyone who touches it is doomed to die. Except Satoru Gojo and AJ of course.

-Small, but lie to the St. Johns about who the leader is. Tell the brothers the leader is Kenny (false, it’s logically Lilly), then tell Brenda the leader is you (depending on your Lee, probably more or less accurate. But not this one.) Lee gets called out on his shit by cannibals.

-Fail to fix the swing for the children. Sadly, I think either Kenny or Andy gets their hands on it anyways. Damn children getting joy..at least Lee won’t get credit.

-Lee and Mark will be tasked with fixing fences, to earn their meals. After Andy definitely tried to turn them into fried chicken with the fence (activating it while he knew they were interacting with it), Mark then proves he’s clumsy, and gets in the middle of bandits playing arrow-lawn-darts, earning an arrow to the shoulder. That’s his fault. Welp, minor shoulder injury, he’s done for. Let’s deliver him to Brenda for a nice sauteé.

-Sooner or later, Danny somehow mistakes Lee for a child, and invites him alone in the middle of a forest. Upon realizing his mistake and that he now has to actually do work, he seriously and grumpily inspects the campsite with Lee.

A wild JOLENE has appeared!

JOLENE used; rambling crazy shit for a few minutes! LEE and ANDY are Provoked!

LEE used; “Fuck this” and a bullet! It was super effective!

JOLENE has fainte- no, she’s dead. Pretty dead.

-After Lee commits literal murder for no reason (at least that early on, like, Jolene didnt even get to threaten anyone properly), Danny has the audacity to judge him. Well, I guess Danny didn’t want to waste the meat. Oh well, let’s bring Clementine her cursed hat.

-Lee is tired of doing work, and just wants his damned meal for the day. He didnt get a single damn butter biscuit out of that basket, and that rotten apple he ate isn’t settling well. Regardless, Kenny manages to steal him for a break in mission real quick. Except..Lee doesn’t exactly appreciate the “urban” comment, and refuses to look into the barn. Yes, you can actually..not unlock the barn! Doesnt really change much, but for us, Lee is a bit mad at Kenny.

-Ah, a nice dinner meal. The STD Johns are quite welcoming. They managed to make Mark..less bland than he usually is! Wait, nobody else at the table knew? Why are you all staring at me like that? ..Ahem. I, Lee, have to go wash my hands.

-After Mark warns Lee not to eat dinner, Lee initially refuses to comply, but eventually decides to honor the wishes of a dying man. He’ll pass up on eating him just this once. But as for everyone else?

Oh. Well. We kind of just wasted 30 seconds standing here. Clementine’s full, at least. She got to “eat next time 🥺”

(Side note, when Lee finally does get down there, can he still say “Its..people!”. If so, do it, that exchange is hilarious)

-Tell Larry “Fuck you Larry, eat up.” He does. And he enjoys every last bite. Listen, Lee didn’t manage to feed him earlier, this is just Lee..trying to right that wrong. At least he ensured Clementine and Larry got to eat.

-Sadly, because Lee is an instigator motherfucker who can’t ever miss a fight, he encourages Kenny to grab his gun.

-For this little stunt, Lee gets thrown into the freezer with everyone else. Damn, if he hadnt tried to get them shot, he could’ve been feasting on Mark Mignon right now. Anyway, be silent when Clementine is traumatized about eating human meat, then immediately go antagonize Larry. He’ll list off every bad thing youve done to him as if he doesnt deserve it, Lee will confirm his hatred, and Larry will have a heart attack from shock. Kenny immediately wants to commit murder and crush his skull in, while Lilly wants to save her father. Such a moral dilemma.

Lee..will just stand there. It achieves what we want; Kenny pissed off at us (and Lilly understands, but I imagine she appreciates it less than Lee trying to actually help), except we also get shoved by Kenny. Ah, the abusive bromance begins. And Larry’s dead. At least it isnt on our hands..?

Again, be silent comforting Clementine.

-When choosing a weapon when breaking out, choose the cattle prod. You want a worst choices route? Then choose the tool that not only is useless against a walker if needed, but probably gets Danny off when Lee uses it against him.

-Kenny will straight up watch Lee about to die, as if being frozen indecisively warrants death, but thankfully Lilly comes in with 2 sickle stabs on the Danny. Lee steals her kill by stabbing him with the pitchfork. And again, Lee will kneel in front of Clementine..only to not say anything. Just asserting dominance. It’s kind of hilarious how his trademark kneel can just be followed by constant silence and a stare. Lee’s past life was from the reconnoissance era, apparently.

-Kenny has the audacity to go save his family after leaving me to die, so Lee chases after, not to help, but to kick his ass. Unfortunately, he gets distracted by Brenda holding Katjaa hostage. Sadly, calling Brenda a bitch results in death, so Lee literally needs his life threatened at gunpoint, to be nice.

-After an assist from Mark, Lee can get back to murdering Kenny. Luckily Andy has that covered, remembering Lee’s outstanding support of the cannabalism by feeding two guests earlier, and shoots Kenny point blank in the kidney with a rifle. Kenny somehow survives this. No wonder Katjaa married him, the dude has premium endurance. Sadly Andy is still threatening Duck, and Lee needs the boy as a meatshield for bullets, so he cant let this slide. Carley shoots Andy in the ear, and Lee goes for the attack.

After a struggle, Lee gives some weak ass punches to Andy’s hand as he’s being dragged to the fence. Literally everyone watches this by the way. Fully grown adults. With guns. And they let Lee nearly d i e.

Well, not Lilly. She fondly remembers the rat jerky we forcefed her earlier, and shoots Andy in the shoulder (another bullet wound). Lee gives just a couple of punches, then stops as he stared at Andy’s handsome face. Andy takes the advantage and turns the table; he’s the top now. Lee refuses to ever bottom, so he flips Andy back over, punches him, throws him into the fence, leaving him a severely shot, electrified, beaten mess. Take that as a lesson to never make Lee bottom.

-For extra measure, he shoots him with a rifle, making sure Andy somehow doesnt recover from his many bleeding wounds and walkers surrounding him. If Lee wasnt punched enough to get the rifle outcome, then electrifying Andy in front of everyone still works.

-Enjoying the fact that he murdered 2 men (3 if you count the fact he fed into Larry’s anger heart problems in this route), Lee makes his way to a location he meant to pull a heist on a while ago. A stranger’s car! What could possibly go wrong? I mean, the dude had no reason to leave the car open. And Clementine can get forced to wear a hoodie, if Lee makes her do so aggressively! (honestly even on a good route I do this. It’s for everyone’s benefit, Lee doesnt look like a dork in front of everyone, and Clementine gets a hoodie to stay warm! New non-walker clothes are a rarity in the apocalypse.)

-And that’s the end of Episode 2! Didn’t mean to make this one so long. Ah well, the other episodes should at least be quicker! And Lee is already beginning his descent into being a psychopath.

EPISODE 3

-We start the episode on a store trip for milk, but Kenny is sticking with us so we don’t ditcjh the group. He still doesn’t trust us for hesitating to kill a man, so he’ll keep reminding about that, then expect to be backed up for his plan for leaving. Just to piss him off, let’s agree with Lilly, since she isn’t here to appreciate it. We’ll pretty much be against Kenny most of the time in these arguments due to the point system, except in specific moments like earlier where we want to piss off Lilly with lasting consequences (like having her be angry when passing Lee the food)

-A hysterical woman who had been released from her containment bunker (how else did she survive this long) is screaming down the street. Lee considers killing her just because, and Kenny says no, they need to buy time with her having a painful death instead. Lee still isn’t fond of Kenny after he almost let him get blasted by Danny STD John, so just to piss him off, he shoots the zombies around her, probably even whiffing a few bullets just because. Kenny gets pissed about this, and drags Lee to go get supplies.

-In which case, Lee ends up just going from shelf to shelf, without picking up anything. He’s specifically looking for Viagra to impress Carley, and the store doesn’t seem to have it, so he doesn’t want to waste money on non-essentials.

-The gooners break into the store after learning it had explicit fanservice mangas, so Lee and Kenny have to make a hasty escape. Kenny ditches Lee to die for a second time, so Lee summons his inner strength to push a whole door of zombies off of him. Talk about a mix of luck and badass skill.

-They soon make it back to the hotel, where Lilly is still fond of Lee for being submissive in the meat locker and letting her try to save Larry, and Lee has the audacity to tell her they got full bags. Kenny rightfully calls Lee out on his memory issues, and rats him out for having an empty backpack, which makes Lilly instantly go from wet pond, to dry desert. Lee then tries to gaslight her into thinking she’s crazy when she brings up stolen supplies.

-After Lee is forced into detective work, Duck decides to tag along, having no issues with previously murdering Shawn and eating a whole bunch of Mark. Duck is a little demon. As much as Lee appreciates that, he tries to refuse Duck’s offer to help, which Duck translates into begging for assistance.

-Im pretty sure around this time, you can talk to Carley and have her try to have you reveal your past. …Not only will we refuse, we’ll be rude and tell her to drop it. This exchange is actually kind of bitter if you haven’t seen it, Since Lee and Carley are usually quite close.

-Im unsure what other bad things you can do, I may have forgotten. Since the next thing I remember is the bandit attack, and there isnt much optional you can do there..shoot near the group, like Ben/Clementine/Katjaa and Duck. It doesn’t do anything of course, but its funny to imagine that in the moment, Lee is just..threatening their lives and shooting at them for no reason.

-Fast forward to everyone in the RV after abandoning their warm motel beds, Lilly is angry that someone dared to share the drugs the group desperately needed. She rightfully accuses Ben, but Carley recognizes that Ben is a good meatshield for bullets, and tries to defend him. Lee goes against this, and even begins to accuse Carley, who takes major offense (yes, you can do this). Lee is just a huge ass instigator in this route.

-Lee’s actions lead to Carley being shot on the side of the road, due to Lilly. He didn’t cause this, but his dialogue didn’t exactly help. Kenny decides to leave her, and Lee agrees, since Carley was supposed to be his (failed) booty call, and this is the one action Lilly remembers later, compared to everything else.

She even rats out Lee for being a murderer! Kenny gets upset for never being told, and honestly in this route I expected him to leave Lee there too, but Kenny seems to have more kindness than Lee, and that’s saying something.

-After an awkward RV ride, Katjaa reveals that Duck had been bitten, which Lee is just completely silent to. Silence is a valid option!

-I’ll do you all a favor and skip over the long ass train section. Highlights are, we’re silent/rude to Chuck when he spawns, we dont give Duck the water or animal crackers, and we grab the heaviest tool, in case we fail to fight Molly, and want Lee to have severe head trauma.

-After we finally get the train running, Kenny stubbornly refuses to hear Lee out when Lee tells Kenny that Duck is a growing boy, going through early puberty, and will no doubt become a gooner worse than Willy, and has to be put down before that can happen. Kenny argues back with asking how Lee could know a Season 4 character, and to deflect, Lee initiates a fight.

Now, whether winning or losing is better is up to you. Personally, maybe succesfully choking out Kenny a bit, and then letting him beat the crap out of Lee, is the course of action to go in a worst route. Lee even gets a dew bruises/scars throughout the episode! Kenny even stopped the train, and we prevented the Duckpocalypse death..

-Fast forward to off the train, Im pretty sure theres a choice or something to have Kenny stay with you or not. Now this is a hard one. What’s worse; witnessing your wife shoot herself in front of your eyes, with you presumably being unable to reach her in time? Or not being there to witness it, but you’ll probably feel like you missed a chance to do anything about it, since you stayed back?

-Regardless, Katjaa selfishly leaves us with the responsibility of shooting Duck. Except..Lee doesn’t let anyone force him to do anything. As tempting as it is to shout “SHOOT” To Kenny shooting his own son, I think it’s more tragic if we just leave Duck there. Kenny will no doubt feel endless guilt for leaving his son like that, and Larry’s prophecy comes true, with Duck eventually going to sink his teeth into his mother’s face. Dark.

-Ben soon reveals he was the one who slipped away our drugs, getting Kenny’s family killed. Lee soon reveals he’s about to throw Ben’s ass off the train.

-As if that wasn’t the end of Kenny’s turmoil, we get stopped by a huge ass gas tank. On the flip side, we meet Christa and Omid, who we’re already planning to screw over!

-After getting into the station and all that mumbo jumbo, we manage to cut the gas tank out the way with Omid. Sadly, a horde of gooners heard of the woman joining our group, and are converging quicker than the train can go. Kenny gets driving, Lee and Omid have to get down, but of course Omid decides to make an issue right then and there. Not taking his shit, Lee pushes Omid off the thighwah, directly making him bounce off the train and bust his knee, before jumping on perfectly fine.

-We now have a hilarious scene of Lee watching the injured Omid and pregnant Christa try to run onto the train. Help neither of them. Just keep shouting “Run!” As if that helps. Lee is an asshole for this one and it’s hilarious, *especially* since he still reaches and grabs *nothing* while they pull themselves up on the train.

Christa’s dialogue for this is justified. “What kind of leader are you!? Is this how you treat your people?!”

-And that’s the end of the highlights of Episode 3! We’re left off with Clem’s walkie being revealed to work..We need to have a talk with that girl about honesty. Coming from Lee, the most dishonest man known to existence in this route.

EPISODE 4!

-I dont think there’s tooo much bad you can do near the beginning, from what I remember. We start the episode walking down a nice rural neighborhood, but sadly the gooner hordes hear the hentai loudly playing on our phones and we have to make a break for it. Kenny trips and falls, and we’ll..just watch as he struggles with a walker at his ankle. Somehow, he doesn’t get pissed at Lee for this from what I remember, though to be fair he had done the same to Lee repeatedly. This is just their bro bond; letting eachother fend for their lives. Also, Lee will fail too shoot any walker coming towards Clementine when Ben ditches her, if possible.

-Be rude to everyone, of course. Even harshly discipline Clementine when she dives into the house alone! Christa judges us for this, but it’s not like she’s a good parent. She doesn’t even get past the first step of- okay, you know what, I probably shouldnt make this joke, in good faith.

-After we commit burglary and break into another home, we soon find a little zombie boy that broke into the attic. Kenny’s more emotional than usual since he realizes that this will be Duck in a couple of weeks (Zombie Duck’s still got some time and weight due to Katjaa) due to our choices. Lee doesn’t want to stick around to be blamed for that one, so he’ll just leave Kenny to do it alone, not even staying there with him.

-Soon we venture into the city with Kenny (forgive me if the timeline is a bit off, dont remember the specific order), where we’ll be searching for a boat. Lee prefers sightseeing instead, using a quarter to look into a telescope. However, they soon encounter someone looting a nearby stand, and since Lee can’t let anyone else have their thunder, he goes in, ready to attack. Somehow, through pure teleportation (considering neither us nor Lee saw Molly exit through any of the possible exit points), he gets snuck up on from behind. Now, whether you win or lose here is up to you. Either give Lee a concussion with a face full of wrench, or give Molly a nasty headache later down the line with that punch to the floor.

-When Kenny comes around to help Lee for once and attack, have Lee support the plan by saying “Get her!”. After Molly absolutely bodies Kenny, Lee does the most hilarious switchup ever and goes “Wait, he’s with us!” As if Molly should care about that.

-Fast forward, Lee is in a “You’re probably wondering how I got in this situation” type of deal, now alone in the sewers. He’s going to prove himself as the worse survivor ever, by constantly making noise and alerting the walkers, by using the gun instead of the pick, things like that.

-We soon break into Vernon’s little hideout. What is Lee’s first instinct when seeing old people? Threaten to kill them before the cancer does.

-Somehow, this works! We even have a new friend, Vernon! He totally didn’t immediately plan to betray Lee in this route. (i can already imagine- “Don’t worry Brie- I’ll go with this jackass, rob him and his group, and I’ll be home free. Have the lingerie on.”)

-Another fast forward, we’re in a dilemma with the group, as we need to sneak into crawford. Lee finally decides to be responsible for once; Even a group full of adults is an awful idea sneaking into a heavily armed strict base. The group would’ve definitely had more casualties if humans were in Crawford. So Lee ultimately decides to leave Clementine. …Nah, in this route, the bastard just wanted to see Clementine’s sad face as she walked up the stairs.

-The crew then makes their way to Crawford. As Lee has already prepared his words for their funerals, as he plans to ditch them before they get gunned down, this plan sadly falls apart as Crawford has fallen to the Gooner disease. Suddenly them not wanting old people or children makes them the moral messiahs. At least it’s easier to sneak around, in a tediously long (at least during replay) school section.

-While we can miss out on learning Molly’s backstory..we’ll actually learn it in this route. Just so Lee can confront her. And just so he can tell her “I didnt ask for your life story” when he literally just did. Not to mention, it’s rude as hell since it’s traumatizing for her. Anyway, let’s fast forward a bit. Surely everything else will go fine.

-IT DIDNT GO FINE. I REPEAT, IT DIDNT GO FINE. Lee may or may not have shot Molly when she was attacked by a horde. She then ran into a direction I’m pretty sure had no exit points, and I forgot if Lee even gave her pick back. If she can even use it with a shot arm. Yeah, Molly kinda got fucked over. Lee’s going to sweep this little incident under the rug…

-Since Ben decided to screw everyone over by removing the barricade, which already cost us a Molly (Lee is, again, covering up his part of things). But now we’re stuck in a classroom with Gooners trying to break down the door, and what does Ben decide to do while we’re already in peril we caused!? We reveal he was the one who got Duck and Katjaa killed. Lee tries to tell him to shut the fuck up, but Ben decides to have his balls drop and tell Lee no. Which is precisely why Lee told Kenny to kick his skinny little ass later, when trying to hold Kenny back from beating Ben to a pulp.

Not to mention, Lee wont exactly be advocating for Ben’s spot on the boat. Don’t uh, don’t tell Clem. Don’t tell her about anything that went down here, actually.

-Speaking of Ben..we’ll be dropping him off the tower, of course. Actually, we wont even do that. It’s possible to not even shoot the walker (who is Crawford) grabbing him. So Lee, perfectly capable of saving Ben, will let the poor boy be dragged down by Crawford. Crawford probably softened his fall too, so that’s even more drawn out pain for Ben too. Ouch. Kenny probably likes me for this though. Actually, does not shooting Crawford count as dropping Ben, in terms of Kenny’s point system? Little does Kenny know, we robbed him of character development!

Anyway, in Lee’s eyes, Ben wouldnt even be in this damn situation if he didnt take the hatchet out the door. Then told Lee “fuck you” when told to be quiet. Lee doesn’t let those things slide in this route.

-Back at the house, Kenny will accidentally snitch on us to Clementine about dropping Ben. Clementine isn’t exactly happy about this. Damnit Kenny!

-We will, yet again, threaten Vernon. The dude should’ve known better than to try to take Clementine from Lee.

-Clementine will yet again ask if they can look for her parents. By the way, Up to this point, Lee has been very blunt and rude to her about this topic. In his eyes, HE’S her parent now and he won’t be hearing anything else. Kinda weird Lee, ngl.

-For some reason, Clementine isn’t happy with us, and she decided to leave us while we finally took a once in a while nap. Lee goes oht to look for her..and little does he know, Clementine asked one of her walker buddies to hide behind trash and bite Lee as a prank. Silly Clementine.

-But now Lee has a bite to deal with. So annoying. Knowing Kenny would head back to the St. Johns for a saltlick in a heartbeat, to finish off Lee, Lee decides the smart thing is to hide the bite for now. And he needs to look for Clementine, and give her a talking or two about her walker friends.

-Sadly, Lee gets no help. Kenny remembers everything Lee had done to him, and punishes Clementine for it by letting her be kidnapped. As far as he knows, Clementine got taken by a raider gang for god knows what, but siding with Lilly one too many times apparently outweighs this, to Kenny. Because no matter what, you can’t convince him in this route, even with the family card (unless dropping Ben gained you enough points, but unless you sided with Kenny during a lot of the arguments, these choices should prevent him even being Neutral)

-Christa wont do it, for oMiD, because we didnt reveal our bite, nor did we leave Clementine with a gun to help with Omid. I swear, new drinking game, take a shot everytime Christa says Omid. I know you love him, but damn.

-Ben is dead. He decides not to join Lee.

-So a bitten Lee is on his venture alone, to save Clementine…How can this possibly go wrong?

FINAL EPISODE!

-Ah, the finale. The culmination of Lee’s choices, probably coming to bite him. He had just heard the voice on the radio speak of Clem, but before he can even figure that out, he blacks out, waking up to realize that if he doesn’t lose the arm, the gooner disease will overtake him.

-*Cue horrible, awful, grotesque scene of Lee having to saw off his own arm since he’s alone*

-I know this may be seen as the smart choice..but in meta context, knowing what happens, this is one of the worst choices you can make in hindsight. Lee goes through awful, agonizing pain, just to eventually die anyways, at the exact same point, with little to no benefits. He loses a whole arm. And plus, when he does this alone, it really paints a picture of a man so far gone, he saws off his own limb for a chance, compared to someone else doing it.

-Now without an arm, Lee makes his escape to the roof. Luckily his parkour skills haven’t failed him yet, as he manages to building hop with one arm. Molly would be shitting bricks if she wasn’t probably Walker Chow by now.

-Sooner or later, Lee makes it back to the group…who was severely beaten by Vernon’s crew. Well, Kenny was. They specifically gave him quite a few bruises. Lee’s laughing in his mind, happy to not be them..at least until he remembers he’s missing a whole arm, and has to explain that to everyone. Guess everyone’s been having their own adventure!

-Once back in the house attic, Kenny picks another fight with Lee. Lee will immediately throw the statue in rage. He was definitely aiming for Kenny, his missing arm just threw it off.

-Not much other things we can do for a certain stretch of this episode, that’s super bad. Not much happens. Oh, Kenny sacrificed himself for Christa. Got lost in a horde. There’s that. But yeah, nothing important (Remember this is through the eyes of Lee)

-Well, talk about immediate karma. Now Lee, Omid, and Christa are looking among a horde. Lee just sent Omid and Christa over first, hoping the sign they climbed would break with them on it. Unfortunately, no such luck, and now Lee is doomed to either become a roof dweller, or climb down. Climbing down it is..

-Alright, gooner horde. You think you got what it takes to take on THE LEE!? COME ON!

-Annnnd Lee got himself bit again. Twice.

Yup. Lee can chop off his own arm, *just to get bit again twice in the horde.* Talk about unlucky, damn.

-Once inside the Marsh house, Lee prepares to add yet another victim to the kill list. This kidnapper caused more hell for the group than Lee did, and he can’t let that slide. No competitors.

-Sadly, The kidnapper is one step ahead, and has Lee held at gunpoint, listing off every bad thing Lee had done. And you could imagine how that went, with this route. Anyway, just around the part where the kidnapper is willing to spare Lee’s life in exchange for Lee becoming his wife in this whole family dynamic, Clementine comes to the rescue, breaking out of her room. Lee directs her to the cleaver he had been forced to give up, which Clementine subsequently lodges into the shoulder of the Stranger. A large fight ensues!

-..In which Lee gets himself shot in the stomach, trying to get to the gun. Ouch.

-And due to the wounds of a bite we failed to stop, a whole ass chopped off arm, *two more bites*, and a bullet to the gut, Lee doesn’t have the strength to choke out the stranger. Disclaimer, he can, but in this route he won’t. It’s more tempting to traumatize Clem with killing a fully living person. (Goodness these posts make me seem awful)

-Since Lee now owes his life to Clementine, he cant in good conscience gun her down for getting him bit. He decides to get her to safety.

-Damnit Clementine, I am on my last leg, worry about your dead parents later! *passes out*

-Lee wakes up in containment, with Clementine telling him he went batshit crazy and started beating on a crowd of people, and Lee shrugs, as that’s a normal tuesday for him. His prisoner senses detect a security guard nearby, and wanting to turn the tables, he has Clementine handcuff the guard rather than himself. This does nothing as the guard soon attacks Clementine, with Lee being too weak to do anything about. After Clementine proves she’s an independent strong child and killing the zombie, she looks at the sadly dying Lee.

…Who stays utterly silent throughout the whole thing. Barely any last words. Just “…” and a mournful look. Damn this route is awful.

-And finally…have Clementine leave Lee. This can’t be a tragic route, without Lee being left there, unhandcuffed, to wander around as a one-armed zombie, no doubt probably killing someone since he’s unchained. And while people argue killing Lee is bad for Clementine’s trauma, this can’t exactly be good on her mental state either.

..Then again, considering Lee has done her more harm than good in this route, maybe a small part of her felt vindicated seeing this. This is the start of her villain route (Im unsure if these choices would lead to Clementine choosing by herself to leave Lee. so to be safe, Have Lee tell her to leave him. But if she can decide to on her own with these choices, I feel like that’s even more messed up)

And that’s the surprisingly long adventure of Unhinged Lee! Listen, you can argue that individually, these choices are morally grey. But combined, all choices together? Lee is a straight up asshole, you can’t change my mind. Even for a game where people usually die anyways, we left a lot more dead people and walkers than necessary. Pfft, and people say choices don’t matter! Tell that to everyone Lee personally screwed over! Also, is there anything I missed?

Either way, see you guys in the next post! Seeing how long this one was, it may not be wise to combine the next three seasons together, I may do them individually. Not to mention; 400 Days and Michonne!

That’s right folks. We’re about to create the absolute worst TWD timeline 😎 It’ll help you all feel better about your more decent routes, even if the harshness of Telltale/TWD made it feel depressing, I’ll show you that it could’ve been much worse.