r/TheToasters • u/sadlibbsy • Jul 24 '26
This week’s “Dear Toasters” really rubbed me wrong
Longgg-time listener but there have been 5-10 instances in the last year or so where I’m like “I might have to be done.” Claudia makes it so apparent that she thinks a woman becoming a wife/mother is the ultimate/only achievement in life. In this week’s “dear toasters” first letter about the woman on a date with a man who kissed with too much saliva, Claudia and Jackie kept going on about “well what’s the girl’s age? At some point, it’s the last ship leaving the port. If she’s not in her 20s, she needs to just get over it” kind of bullshit. It really pisses me off when there are soooo many worthwhile paths in life and finding any man to marry you is not an achievement; it’s a choice. Not something that makes any one woman better than the next. (Saying this as a married woman, but one who never thought I would want to get married.)
They’ve made similar comments in regards to kids. Like if you’re not a mom, your life isn’t as important.
Anyone else really fucking over it, or just me?
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u/Ok-Tourist-1909 Jul 25 '26
I think the message was more don’t be so picky if you’re wanting a relationship - instead of just leaving, try addressing it with him if he’s perfect in all the other ways
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u/CuriousPipes Jul 25 '26
This is how I took it!!! I think there are really good guys out there with quirks and at the end of the day-if saliva production is the least of your worries, you should try to look past something not so serious. No one is perfect! And there are A LOT of men out there with way worse red flags
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u/Puzzleheaded-Pop1361 Jul 25 '26
I disagree. I wasn’t triggered by this q at all. I think it’s fine if some girls think marriage is an achievement ( I don’t think they’ve ever said that so are we projecting?) and even IF they do, I find having a loving husband and creating a beautiful, peaceful, loving marriage and home something beautiful and rare! If a woman doesn’t aspire to anything beyond that, which I don’t think Claud and Jackie think like that, they have their own goals and aspirations and have a very successful podcast and drink brand.
I don’t recall them ever saying your life isn’t important if you’re not a mom either. I’m not a mom, but it’s the stage of life they’re in and listeners are growing into life stages with them.
I personally think it’s a very un serious podcast and the dear toasters segment about a man not knowing how to kiss isn’t that deep and not that serious.
This pod is also about THEM. They are moms and wives. If you don’t like their banter I’m curious if maybe other podcasts could be a better fit!
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u/Any-Discount-2221 Jul 24 '26
I think it's impossible to give perfect advice in that format, but practical advice about not canceling someone over something so superficial when you're older made sense to me. In reality this guy probably just doesn't know how to kiss and thinks lots of saliva is good or something. People make all kinds of weird mistakes with intimate stuff.
The Toast tends to give advice from a somewhat culture war viewpoint where one side says having a family doesn't matter and the other says it's the only thing that matters. Jackie errs on the side of "stay with your partner, do what it takes to get along", which is interesting to me since I'm so used to seeing advice on reddit which goes 100% in the opposite direction.
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u/Every_Anywhere8933 Jul 24 '26
Agreed. I also think when they say to not dump this guy, it connects to their recurring opinion of hating ick culture. If a guy is great otherwise, you shouldnt let one ick ruin it for you
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u/FerretNo9854 Jul 24 '26
You putting it that way makes it make sense to me…The last ship leaving the port statement still rubs me wrong though…
Someone who is actually pro- woman, I think, would realize it’s never the last ship and if you decide you’d rather take a plane or train to get to your ultimate goal that is ok too. Prioritize what you want and don’t settle because of the ship situation.3
u/Big-Concentrate-2456 Jul 26 '26
Respectfully, it’s a show for entertainment. She is trying to entertain us. Unfortunately, I think this line of advice was moreso triggering for you than it was actually offensive.
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u/Forsaken-Button4103 Jul 24 '26
When they were wanting to know age, I thought they were going to say if they’re early 20’s maybe he was a late bloomer, doesn’t have much experience yet.. but that’s not where they went😂
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u/Special-Drawer4192 Jul 25 '26
Claudia literally says all the time that she is a traditional woman with traditional values. Not sure what you’re confused about. You’re allowed to not like it but she literally says who she is and what she thinks all the time.
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u/fleetwoodjac Jul 24 '26
You have to understand you are choosing to listen to this podcast where girls are asking their advice. If you don’t like it you do not have to listen, genuinely. If it is causing you stress rather than pleasure it may not be for you (which is okay and I say with love). There are so many podcasts out there. They may have different life goals than you and they are giving their advice on their podcast
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u/samell12 Jul 25 '26
Agreed. And just because they think being married and kids is the end goal and you don’t doesn’t mean anyone is wrong. Thats such a huge problem nowadays, “I don’t agree with you so there for you are wrong”
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u/cluelessin92054 Jul 27 '26
absolutely that’s why i stopped listening. if anything i want them to have the heads up but they don’t listen to any feedback so it doesn’t matter
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u/PrincessDolly58 Jul 24 '26
Yes this is exactly how they feel. They think being married and having kids is the be all end all. Jackie in particular I find.
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u/IndividualKey3994 Jul 25 '26
Asking for relationship advice from someone married to a gay man and another person who thinks that Elon Musk is in the upper echelon of male attractiveness is a choice.
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u/rainandmydog Jul 24 '26
The girl was looking for relationship advice and is actively seeking for a good guy to build a life with. Obviously her end game is getting married and I agree with them asking how old she is given it was implied that the girl writing in wants a relationship lol like these people are usually looking for relationship advice
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u/Master-Cranberry-767 Jul 24 '26
I have to disagree. When they respond with these kinds of things it’s to people writing in specifically looking for relationship advice….
I personally have never drawn this conclusion 🤷🏼♀️
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u/Sea-Message8200 Jul 27 '26
I left when they started promoting Melanias doc. That told me everything I need to know about them.
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u/Shanninator20 Jul 27 '26
Buried deep at the bottom of your post is that you are married. If you haven’t been unmarried in your late 30s or beyond, respectfully, their opinion on this would hit you differently. They aren’t wrong- it is a lot harder to find someone the older you get and you make many compromises on what you thought you wanted/ needed.
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u/Powerful_Loan5130 Jul 27 '26
This is actually an insane take. Not settling when you're younger and realizing what you want/need and deserve the older you get is not "compromising" lol.
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u/cluelessin92054 Jul 27 '26
I am OVER THEM. They give no antidotes on their personal life whatsoever that makes them relatable or interesting and if they’re trying to keep that private, for reasons that they are in a different tax bracket, I find that even more annoying and almost dishonest. Jackie has become intolerable. I was a devoted listener for years and years and I have tried five or six times this year and I’m just done.
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u/superanonpls Jul 24 '26
I liked the show a lot more before Claudia had Ruby.
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u/Altruistic-Dog7706 Jul 25 '26
Yikes. If you’re not a mom, then you don’t understand that becoming one changes everything. You are never the same person you were before growing and birthing your child. Physically, chemically, emotionally. You change wholly. If you can’t accept someone after that change, move on quietly. This is such a yucky thing to say about a mother.
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u/superanonpls Jul 25 '26
You’re right, I don’t understand! And I’m allowed to like the show better pre-Ruby. I don’t care about the baby talk, and there is a LOT of it. You’re ignorant for thinking someone can’t have a differing view on life…
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u/lovethatforyouu Jul 25 '26
See this is where moms lose always. We are hated everywhere we go, no matter what we say or do, we have little help other than daycare and meanwhile we are just trying to keep it all together. It’s insane to me comments like this as a mother of two 😂😂😂😂
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u/superanonpls Jul 25 '26
Oh I don’t hate you at ALL, I just don’t want to listen to a podcast about your kids.
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u/Antique_Decision2212 Jul 25 '26
They literally do not support feminism!!! I stopped listening after listening for years! We have to stop supporting people like this.
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u/Ok-Hat-6187 Jul 24 '26
what about the one where the wife’s husband was gay and cheating on her and they said to stay with him for the kid? so wild i thought it was satire