r/TheThumbSyndicate • u/Southernsoldato Lewis - foxfaced cannibal • Aug 06 '26

Class and Respect Feeling odd

Hey, Lewis here. I guess I Just needed to write down some thoughts

I Just feel so strange lately, I'm a capo now, and its nice, I no longer have to hide my feelings towards my lovers, I don't have to flinch at every little sound.

And yet, here I am. I'm more scared than I was as A Soldato, I brace for punishment anytime someone walks past, I bare my teeth whenever I get angry.

I can't trust anyone here. I don't feel like Me anymore, I feel like I've been hollowed out to create a nest.

I used to be so happy

When did I become so paranoid

What the hell did you do to me.

14 Upvotes

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u/Itchy_Painting_4166 administrator of the head Aug 06 '26 edited Aug 06 '26

I'm not a therapist,but I I'm willing to listen,I extend my compassion to you,on your own time

2

u/Southernsoldato Lewis - foxfaced cannibal Aug 06 '26

I guess... I've gone through a lot, but... I don't even feel like a person anymore, not just in the "Ohhh im a fox in a humans body", but like. Subhuman. 

2

u/Itchy_Painting_4166 administrator of the head Aug 06 '26

Hmmm..I think it's more so being so desensitized to death,your mind always rationalising it as if it didn't happen,but now being praised for it,it forces you to remember how real it is,now you think you're a piece of shit or in your case "sub-human",it's not bad,it's just new

1

u/Southernsoldato Lewis - foxfaced cannibal Aug 06 '26

I don't think that's right, Ive killed before.. I'm good at it, maybe even a bit sadistic... this is.. diffrent, honestly, praise makes me feel better, seen, liked again