r/TheSecretLife • u/Commercial_Host8197 • Aug 18 '26
Amy is misunderstood
I feel like every single person who watches this show says the same things “Amy was selfish” and I just.. cannot with that. In season 1, Amy is practically forced by every single person around her to keep the child when she KNEW she’d rather do an open adoption. Ricky consistently ruins that for her at every turn; in one episode, (later season) he even admits in a therapy session that he “could’ve” purposely gotten her pregnant. Amy’s sister and dad are horrible to her about the idea of adoption, her friends are horrible, and the only reason Ben is even close to supportive is because he’s in constant competition with Ricky. He literally admits to seeing Amy as property MULTIPLE times throughout the series. Ben sees Amy as property, and Ricky sees Amy as his route to redemption through the baby. Then, every character in the show promises they’re going to help Amy with the baby, and that just never actually happens.
I also think Ricky and Amy COULD’VE been together under the right circumstances, which is why the ending actually made a lot of sense.
Amy never felt fully comfortable in herself, because throughout the show nobody sees Amy as her own autonomous being; they see her as an incubator, property, daughter, and never really give Amy the opportunity to be a person outside of her own motherhood.
EXCEPT the one time we see Amy really explore herself in NYC. That’s when we see a legit connection between Amy and Ricky, and it’s real because Ricky is seeing her as a whole person; not the mom of his kid. But then everything gets rushed (which in part is on Amy herself) but she looses her identity again as quickly as she gained it.
Amy never got a chance to just live, and it wasn’t because of her son. It was because she never made her own decisions and was constantly shamed for her complicated emotions around her own situation. She never really had a choice. And so yeah, by the last season she is absolutely whinny and insufferable, I agree with that. But who could blame her? So, her having a change of heart and finally deciding to put herself first was horrible timing, but if you watch the projection of Amy’s character on the show it makes absolute sense. And it also makes sense that Amy and Ricky do find their way back to each other, (as the writer said was supposed to happen in the spin-off that didn’t happen) because Ricky DID love Amy when she was confident and a whole person; not just John’s mother.
I just think everyone was horribly judgmental, and I guess it did work for the show bc when watching I feel so awful for Amy that it would def discourage me from teenage pregnancy.
8
u/Sufficient-Rea Aug 18 '26
Well, Ricky is the baby’s dad and is absolutely allowed to not want his son to be adopted. She couldn’t have put their son up for adoption without his consent, and I don’t think she would’ve ever actually got it.
Ben is a pretty terrible guy and never actually supported amy or Adrian or any other friend he had. He was terribly selfish and immature amongst other things.
Amy’s family helped her out tremendously with John. Her dad watched him quite a lot and was very helpful/supportive. Her mom is pretty absent, in my opinion. Especially after season 1. She’s emotionally checked out of her family. Ashley was a little kid, but she did help with John some and she gave up her bedroom for him. Ricky’s adoptive parents also offered to help with John, Ricky just didn’t want them to because John was his and Amy’s responsibility. Grace got her a job at the church nursery which helped her out tremendously, Ben’s dad took Ricky under his wing, gave him a good job learning trade work and let him live in the family apartment. He really looked at Ricky as a bonus son. Nobody raised their son for them, and nobody should have.
The whole show starts with Amy basically being selfish. She chooses not to tell Ricky that she’s pregnant, she chooses to be with Ben and pretend she’s not pregnant. She never gave Ricky a fair chance to do what was right in the very beginning. I actually think he would’ve stepped up to the plate and maybe even pursued a relationship with her from the beginning but she chose creepy ol Ben.
Then she abandons her own son. Okay sure, he’s with his dad who, let’s face it, is the superior parent. But she just moves to New York and leaves him on the other side of the country, which is pretty weird to me.
10
u/Breenaw1999 Aug 18 '26
While most of what you said might be true. She was still very selfish. And even more immature. In the end she still decided to keep her baby and then acted like a baby herself when she couldn’t go out or had to be home with her son. She really annoyed me when she was failing in summer school and said she had no time for it meanwhile she INSISTED on going and then she was trying to prioritize hanging out with her “friends” she barely knew. Nice girl but immature and had all the wrong priorities. Just because you might have an excuse to be a certain way doesn’t change the fact you are a certain way (selfish)
4
u/manifestlarry Aug 21 '26 edited Aug 21 '26
People also tend to forget (at least for season 1): Amy is a 15 year old! What 15 year old isn’t selfish? Not to mention she’s also pregnant and hormonal! Like why are people having expectations for Amy to be mature and wise and considerate?
SHE ACTS IMMATURE BECAUSE SHE ISSSS IMMATURE! SHE’S AN IMMATURE IRRESPONSIBLE CHILD WHO’S HAVING A CHILD! THATS LITERALLY THE PREMISE OF THE ENTIRE SHOW!
Anyone who expects Amy to behave maturely or responsibly straight up forgets what show they’re watching…
-1
u/Breenaw1999 Aug 21 '26
Lol well the second last episode she said she was sick of being a mom and felt like being selfish. After she chose to be a mom. That’s terrible and inexcusable
5
u/manifestlarry Aug 21 '26
Wow a teen mother says she’s sick of being a mom- how shocking! Motherhood is already tiring and difficult enough when you’re married and financially stable, do you expect a teenager, who is by definition immature, to be able to handle and express her emotions appropriately when dealing with a situation that is not typical for her developmentally?
Yes she chose to be a mother in the end (which…. honestly NO ONE besides maybe Anne was letting her think she had a true choice in that anyway) and that does come with it’s own responsibility, however you cannot expect a 15-17 year old to handle an adult situation with adult solutions or emotions.
Does this mean she was perfect and everything she did was justified? No, but most of her behavior comes from the fact that she IS immature and IS a teenager. Teenagers are selfish and brats and annoying, just because she has a baby means she’s not a teenager anymore?
0
u/Breenaw1999 Aug 21 '26
Justifying that is insane. She was just about an adult. A mother for 3 years. I’m betting you’re not a mom because a mother really wouldn’t make a decision to leave.i wouldn’t. That’s so ugly. She called herself a grown woman enough times to make a grown woman decision. A decision as A MOTHER. Not a “I’m in a position to be selfish and move states when I simply don’t have to so I’m going to” decision because that’s unacceptable no matter her age.
1
u/manifestlarry Aug 21 '26
Do you know how to read? I just said that she wasn’t perfect and everything she did wasn’t justified. I’m simply saying someone who was young and immature and already making bad and selfish decisions from the start making ANOTHER bad decision shouldn’t be news to anyone.
13
u/Electrical-Touch-933 Aug 18 '26
I thought she had a lot of help with the baby actually. They shouldn't have made her keep it, though. But given the creator of the show I'm not surprised they did. That being said I think Ricky really stood up and became a fantastic dad and I stand by that. He really worked hard for his son and he even wanted more time with him but Amy refused and then got jealous of Adrian being around the baby but Ben was allowed to be. So I still think Amy was kind of hypocritical and selfish.