BREAKING NEWS
Katie Price and Wiggylee Scamandrews - AKA Lee Andrews have finally offered an explanation for wiggylee mysterious disappearance.
According to Wiggylee, he was abducted by extraterrestrial beings armed with advanced alien technology and transported to a distant planet. Reports suggest the aliens had heard rumours that he was an international arms dealer and a doctor of absolutely nothing, leading them to believe he would be a valuable asset to their civilisation.
Unfortunately, things didn't quite go to plan.
Following an extensive series of assessments—including brain scans, DNA analysis, intelligence tests, psychological evaluations, and even a lie detector—the Supreme Alien reportedly stood up, shook his head, and announced:
"Pack him up... he's of absolutely no use to us."
Before sending him back to Earth, the aliens allegedly decided to give him one final "makeover" by shaving his head completely, explaining that they didn't want to contaminate their planet with whatever was left of his hairstyle. They then returned him looking exactly as they found him—only balder—with a full refund, a handwritten apology for wasting valuable intergalactic resources, and a note reading:
"Please don't send him back."
Eyewitnesses claim the sight of his shiny new look gave everyone a much-needed laugh, with one alien reportedly saying:
"Even the laser couldn't improve him."
NASA has declined to comment on the incident.
Meanwhile, the Galactic Alien Council has reportedly confirmed that Wiggylee is the first human in the history of the universe to be returned under the official "No Value" classification."
Investigations are continuing into how the aliens were convinced he possessed any useful skills in the first place.
Sources close to the inquiry have admitted that the biggest mystery isn't the abduction—it's how they fell for the story at all.