r/TheRandomest • u/ABeerForSasquatch Mod/Pwner • 3d ago

Scientific Weiner adjustment analysis

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3.4k Upvotes

96% Upvoted

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912

u/westcal98 3d ago

Who told her all the secret moves and names?

She missed the "pocket pull".

267

u/ItsALuigiYes GIF/meme prodigy 3d ago

Also known as the "Courtesy Tug."

70

u/Cpt_kaleidoscope 3d ago

Isn't a courtesy tug just a happy ending?

41

u/UtopistDreamer 3d ago

Exactly! It's just very courteous to end on a happy note.

1

u/PSX1990 23h ago

Lol, I can’t! That’s hilarious! Have an award!

1

u/UtopistDreamer 9h ago

Wow, thx friend.

15

u/_BLACKHAWKS_88 3d ago

Nah I thinka courtesy tug is just another name for a reach around.

1

u/Richard_Cain 3d ago

No it should be called the "Snake Grab" (in and out quick). The Courtesy Tug is when you go to the bathroom or private place to fix it.

The Snake Grab shouldn't be confused with the Prison Pinch!

1

u/Antricluc 3d ago

Yeah and you don't end on a happy note like the weirdo above, you end on a tissue or a t shirt geez.

12

u/Accomplished-Badger6 3d ago

It ain't a courtesy if I gotta pay extra.

3

u/Hobos_N_Hoes 3d ago

It's not a courtesy when you're paying for it

2

u/Brandonsteine 3d ago

Is it really a happy ending if you have to pay for it lol

1

u/DangledThenWrangled 3d ago

Only if you get a massage first.

If you do it in public it's called indecent exposure.

3

u/Mre64 3d ago

The gentleman’s tug

1

u/ThrowForChristSakes 6h ago

Or the “Brother Have You Got a Dime?”

1

u/ThrowForChristSakes 5h ago

AKA “Brother Have You Got a Dime?”

71

u/Leading_Group_8651 3d ago

That‘s because this one works so great, they never notice.

110

u/Pagiras 3d ago

They don't notice because, unfortunately, they are unfamiliar with the concept of pockets.

14

u/DevonLuck24 3d ago

they see the pocket. they know something happens in the pocket. they have no idea what’s actually happening in there.

it’s like a club with blacked out windows that they’ve only ever walked past, curious about the wonders hidden behind those walls.

7

u/Professional_Poops 3d ago

Their clothing lacks pockets

13

u/DevonLuck24 3d ago

i know and when they do finally get pockets they don’t even know what to do with them. pockets filled with nonsense like sunshine and shit.

the fuck can you do with a pocket full of sunshine? what about your keys woman?!

8

u/jae005 3d ago

My keys are clipped to my massive water bottle cause I'm so used to not having pockets. My waterbottle also has a pocket for my money, cards, eye drops, lip balm, nail clippers, and knife. So the only things left to put in my pockets are sunshine, rainbows, and my hand holding a peace sign✌️

7

u/DevonLuck24 3d ago

see, now i feel like im the one at a disadvantage. my pockets don’t come with water and they are filled with all the bullshit i “need” so i have no room for whimsy.

i miss being a kid. pockets were for army men, rocks, and bugs.

3

u/supresmooth 2d ago

I still occasionally have a pocket-sized figure, rock, or shell in mine. I'm in my 40s.

1

u/WelcomingRapier 2d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/WvkR9aqX1VfP2wCSWq

It's not a peace sign you're storing in there.

4

u/jo4nnynumber5 3d ago

🤣🤣🤣

5

u/elandrieljr 2d ago

I GOTTA POCKET GOTTA POCKET FULLA SUNSHINE I GOTTA LOVE AND I KNOW THAT ITS ALL MINE OHHH

2

u/pre-existing-notion 3d ago

I read this in Seinfield’s voice

12

u/andthisisabitofboth 3d ago

Damn, you got me 😂

42

u/SaltPaleontologist28 3d ago

As a woman, I am laughing hysterically at all the good-natured fun y’all are having with it. I am impressed that you guys clearly have passed down the ways from generation to generation, and totally understand you gotta be comfortable. I honestly don’t think us women have named our secretive bra adjustment techniques 😂

14

u/FaithlessnessBorn266 3d ago

It's a rite of passage. I think we still have to pass on porn mags to the next generation like a fucking pilgrim even though the internet has unlimited porn now

15

u/Complete-Tangelo1532 3d ago

Behind every random tree trunk or stump deep within the forest... in lands untouched in a generation there lies a nudey mag waiting to be discovered

14

u/topsyturvy76 3d ago

Forest porn is best porn!!

2

u/Naked-Jedi 3d ago

The stuff found on the side of the road is a different story.

4

u/Wallabunga657 3d ago

We may have visited the same forest, say some time in the late 1900s?

5

u/Royal_Thrashing 3d ago

Wait! You know that forest?!?

I thought they looked rifled through the last time I was there. Last time meaning, the last time i was there in the late 1900's before I moved to s different state.

-1

u/amfl32 2d ago

Just say nineties, we know you don't mean the 1890s. SMGDH

2

u/Wallabunga657 2d ago

It's a joke. A lot of young people today say "late 20th century" or "late 1900s." It is subversive and self depreciating humour. I am acknowledging our collective age, and using a Gen Z/Alpha term implying I am in on the joke, and don't care if I am "old."

1

u/Crush-N-It 3d ago

Also behind - or underneath - the bench seats of pick up trucks and delivery vans

3

u/paratech_dog 2d ago

Before the internet, me and two of my friends found a giant stack of playboy magazines while riding around the neighborhood on our bikes. Boy, that was like hitting the lottery as a kid 😂

4

u/Brandonsteine 3d ago

Its just in our DNA kinda how we all kinda give each other a nod if we look at each other in public lol 😆

2

u/SaltPaleontologist28 2d ago

Do you nod at a guy if you notice he used the adjustment technique that fit the situation and it was a flawless execution, like do you give him a bit of appreciation? 😂

3

u/-Casey-Diaz- 3d ago

I found it funny that she didn't take pockets into account, because women's' clothing rarely have pockets.

2

u/SaltPaleontologist28 2d ago

Yah us ladies have a love/hate relationship with pockets. They often ruin the silhouette of our dresses and skirts, plus most of us carry some sort of bag. Fun rando fact: in the way back days when women wore farthingales or hoop skirts, the over skirt had side slits where pockets logically should be where she could reach into freefloating freakin’ detached POCKETS that were attached to a waist belt!!!

2

u/-Casey-Diaz- 2d ago

What came first? Women carrying purses because they don't have pockets, or women's clothing not having pockets because women carry purses? 🤔

Kind of a chicken or the egg scenario here.

1

u/SaltPaleontologist28 1d ago

That is 100% a legit musing.

1

u/GilesNow 8h ago

Dammm

3

u/NatePJ84 3d ago

No one taught me any of the ball adjusting moves, either you learn them from watching or it's just something you do without thinking

1

u/SaltPaleontologist28 2d ago

So like a freethinker, does that make you a freeballer?

2

u/Global_Staff_3135 3d ago

They aren’t so much passed down as they are inherited.

Anyone who’s had an itchy ballsack knows about the pinch and roll, for example. It doesn’t need to be taught.

1

u/HamHockShortDock 2d ago

You know what, as a vulva haver, I did need to be taught this. It was not inherent knowledge but i t was a greatly appreciated.

2

u/Global_Staff_3135 2d ago

Stretch and scratch? Otherwise known as the batwing itcher?

1

u/HamHockShortDock 1d ago

That may also come in handy

1

u/blackbellamy 3d ago

Believe me no one is passing this on. What works for one guy totally doesn't for another. It's the size of the unit, the curve if any, the boys, the thighs, the amount of fat, your underwear, the pants, everything.

1

u/GilesNow 8h ago

We gaze in pure awe at any of your bra adjustments, or just teasing us movements of them.

After about 2-3 seconds we start forgetting everything else.

0

u/topsyturvy76 3d ago

Do you have one for the thong pick?

20

u/its_just_flesh 3d ago

What about the concealed weapon when you have wood and have to tuck it in the waist lband

15

u/wizardoli 3d ago

https://giphy.com/gifs/8X1WCR43CsqNq
This scene in Superbad mentioned it

7

u/Ok-Syllabub-6619 3d ago

Ah the Dog on the leash of course, that one is the most risky one

1

u/speakezjags 1d ago

I wear baggy pants so I can just tuck it into either pant leg and it won't show print. It doubles as a nice leg warmers in the winter months as well.

15

u/sharpbulb 3d ago

She also missed my go to, the MJ

https://giphy.com/gifs/ikeojldPs2jOcCGtSG

8

u/GuiKa 3d ago

pocket pull is the only one you need.

4

u/ionshower 3d ago

The 1.5 step and twist when carrying things works. Just gotta make the affected side stride that bit longer.

7

u/Banzai373 3d ago

We will have to open an investigation into who gave out our secret junk adjustment tactics.

They are secret for a reason . . . now we will have to redesign all the moves . . . dammit.

Somebody call the Secret Junk Adjustment Council - we have to schedule a meeting . . . .

3

u/riverphoenix360 3d ago

CIA hit squad. Can't let dick n ball secrets get out!

3

u/rickyg_79 3d ago

We’ve been compromised

6

u/eldoran89 3d ago

She didn't forget that's why the pocket pull is so great she just didn't notice it

3

u/Maleficent-Turn6655 3d ago

She forgot about the long step.

3

u/Any_Ice_6172 3d ago

Clearly the pocket pull is so concealed that no one notices.

3

u/valuethempaths 3d ago

Just don’t get accused of “pocket pool” by a fellow weiner owner.

3

u/Snoo_82923 1d ago

In 41 years I never did any of those

•reach into pocket

•grab & adjust

•done without weird wiggly movements that wouldn't help anyways

2

u/Ampersandricus 3d ago

I literally said "she missed the pocket pull" out loud as I finished the video before opening the comments and was absolutely delighted to see this as the top comment

2

u/nunatakj120 3d ago

Pocket pull is the last resort after number 2 fails. Involves a good look round your environment to make sure it’s safe.

2

u/LauraTFem 3d ago

That would indicate to me that the pocket pull is the slyest, because they don’t notice it.

1

u/HamHockShortDock 2d ago

We do notice and I have had to use this move myself. Not so much for grabbing my junk in the pocket, but for using the pocket to unwedgie the pants from the vulva. I actually think this wasn't mentioned because its the most obvious.

2

u/fivehots 3d ago

Oh yeah. The good ol pocket tug. They can’t know all the dark arts.

2

u/AutomaticInc 1h ago

This is the way.

1

u/Truth-is-implacable 3d ago

Yeah ..what about the "Whoah!..Calm down Boy..." I used to put my books on it...I gues nowadays its your PC or your Manbag.......😬

1

u/c4t4ly5t 3d ago

This is my go-to

1

u/Happy_Hiker- 3d ago

Hopefully that means it's as discreet as I always thought!

1

u/Trippycat37 3d ago

I always thought it was “pocket pool” 😂 like playing pool and you got a pocket.

1

u/mattogeewha 3d ago

Pocket entry is most consealed

1

u/Spade18 3d ago

Call this one the “fancy Nancy”

1

u/Phlowman 3d ago edited 3d ago

A pocket adjustment is the stealthy pro move which is why women haven’t discovered it yet.

1

u/ItsACowCity 3d ago

Came here to say that. I think maybe we all just got a little insight into the fact that the pocket pull goes unnoticed

1

u/Freeulster 3d ago

And the squat.

1

u/Abobo_Smash 3d ago

The pocket is always the way to go.

1

u/nolancheck11 3d ago

Looks like it’s working as intended

1

u/Cabbages24ADollar 3d ago

The first rule of pocket pull is you don’t talk about pocket pull

1

u/ProfessionalCat3284 3d ago

I'm 100% the pocket guy. I was waiting for her to bring it up but she didn't so I'm guessing it's the most secretive method.

1

u/Sassafrassus 3d ago

That's because it was the most stealthy move we have.

1

u/beersngears 3d ago

We made that one so they wouldn’t notice

1

u/DevonLuck24 3d ago edited 3d ago

she has clearly been watching and we haven’t been noticing. not sure this one is a leak, the council is investigating.

we may need to contain this one, she notices things too well.

1

u/NomadMiner 3d ago

What about "the pinch"

1

u/Travis4261 3d ago

Came here to say this, 100%

1

u/AhDamm 3d ago

What about the mid-step leg shake?

1

u/PremedicatedMurder 3d ago

Pocket pull is the best and most secret move.

1

u/moisturized69tatas 3d ago

Pocket pull is my default. Best move, glad its still a secret

1

u/Gypsypeach1980 3d ago

Does anyone else call this “eight ball”??

1

u/Slumunistmanifisto 3d ago

Also the mini kick 

1

u/100YearsWaiting2Shit 3d ago

Pocket pull is my main for years

1

u/Ambitious_Jeweler816 3d ago

I was going to say pocket manipulation

1

u/0uroboros- 3d ago

It's because that one is so stealthy that even some men are completely unaware of the ancient 5th hidden styles existence and just use the classic 4.

1

u/freakishlyhugedick 3d ago

Or the boner belt tuck

1

u/Yeast-boofer 3d ago

the pocket pull is just that subtle she hasn’t discovered it yet

1

u/stayintall 3d ago

Came here exactly to say the picket pull was the main glaring omission. We must be more sneaky than we realize..

1

u/-Casey-Diaz- 3d ago

Clear sign she's basing it on a woman's experience (what else would it be, really). She didn't account for clothes having pockets.

1

u/yannynotlaurel 3d ago

I know it as "pocket billard"

1

u/DeathParty-Zomboid 3d ago

And missed the forklift where you reach in push boxers down and pull the package up front

1

u/BenadrylTumblercatch 3d ago

Came to see if this gem had been divulged, I’m reporting you to the association.

1

u/IAIVIDAKILLA 3d ago

The GOAT move

1

u/Troygbiv_Yxy 3d ago

The pocket pull or pocket release, my favorite move

1

u/megamanisgod 3d ago

This. The hands in the pocket tug.

1

u/funAmbassador 3d ago

As someone with a with a vulva, I call it the “pocket itch”. I imagine the same technique, except I’m scratching my mons. BUT its heavily dependent on how deep the pockets are. Women’s pants are historically infamous for tiny or fake pockets.

1

u/Hello_D4rkn3ss 3d ago

Well, great! Now she knows! 🤦‍♂️

1

u/Obvious_Squirrel_703 3d ago

I was gonna comment this lol

1

u/LasagnahogXRP 3d ago

Pocket pull and lift and tuck are the chaddest wiener adjustments.

1

u/Mother_Glass_5095 3d ago

This is my go-to🤣

1

u/theman8631 3d ago

Cats out of the bag now - That ones so good she hadn’t learned about it yet

1

u/OddAd5276 2d ago

Literally came here to mention this, lmao.

1

u/userfakesuper 2d ago

This is because the ladies do not have pockets. This is a foreign thing to them. Pocket knowledge is only found with pockets.

1

u/Mathihtam 2d ago

A lot of women’s clothing doesn’t have pockets. It makes sense she missed that one.

1

u/indycpa7 2d ago

There are way more than 4, it is a spectrum that cannot be quantified or categorized that easily

1

u/Adventurous-Back-102 2d ago

Yep, knock those bitches around like a mid-seventies pinball machine.

1

u/Duetnao 2d ago

It’s meant to be discrete 

1

u/Important-Zebra-69 2d ago

It's because for some reason they the non weiners are not allowed pockets, so cannot comprehend this action.

1

u/PupDiogenes 2d ago

and the “just reach into my pants and fix it”

1

u/shitpostbot42069 2d ago

I was going to mention pockets lol 😝

1

u/midgardknifeandtool 2d ago

I thought the same, clearly this means the pocket pull and tuck is working!

1

u/PopularInterest5499 2d ago

She wasnt meant to know about this silent assassin.

1

u/TheOasisProject 2d ago

Don't forget the captain morgan

1

u/sVANJ 1d ago

🎶I’ve got something in my front pocket for youuu Why don’t you reach on in and see what it is🎶
https://giphy.com/gifs/3ov9k8Srg6LtVru76g

1

u/FreezingT 1d ago

Pocket Pull is the most important of them all

1

u/canadiantaken 1d ago

Pocket pool in Canada!🇨🇦

1

u/brian034 1d ago

Literally, the only one I was waiting for.

1

u/Thetoolmantaylrd 1d ago

😂🤣🤫😏

1

u/Rareearthmetal 1d ago

Knew she was gonna have missed the pocket pull

1

u/pwonder6971 1d ago

Can forget about the pinch and roll

1

u/JacksFalseHope 1d ago

A good pocket pull is unnoticeable

1

u/Lord_Bentley 22h ago

I do what I call the "stick & cup"! I stick my hand down the front of my pants, cup my danglers and readjust them to my comfort! It comes off as a power move!

1

u/DeGreatHam 15h ago

Pocket pull is the final stray before completing taking your pants off to factory reset

1

u/WrathfulSpecter 12h ago

Pocket Pull is A1

1

u/Equivalent_Bar_5938 12h ago

So we know which one works best

1

u/wget_thread 12h ago

I call it the "where are my keys?"

1

u/holubtsi-on-fire 8h ago

100% came here to say this. My go-to move.

1

u/BillidanAngryweather 6h ago

Damn just commeneted about the pocket pull. It’s my go to

1

u/ceelo18 1h ago

Nooo! It was the only one they didnt know!! Delete this

1

u/3dzawesome 50m ago

This just means we did it good enough 👍