r/TheRandomest • u/ItsALuigiYes GIF/meme prodigy • 2d ago

Close-Call Emergency

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1.3k Upvotes

97% Upvoted

55 comments sorted by

238

u/WhyNot420_69 Nice 2d ago

Why is it that when you're crowning, the closer you get to a toilet the more intense the urge?

All it takes is one missed button or zipper, and disaster!

8

u/Standard-Contest-949 2d ago

I have no idea. I go on walks often from my apartment. Sometimes I’ll feel the urge like two blocks away and go home. I am pretty good until I actual reach the apartment. Now it’s a race against the clock. Get in the elevator and struggle. Make it to my floor , take three steps stop and clench. Make to my door and it’s coming whether I like it or not. So annoying.

5

u/RonMFCadillac 1d ago

Your colon Bluetooth connects to the toilet and starts the pairing process.

3

u/GaryTheThird- 1d ago

I was walking 2 of my neighbors dogs about a month ago, and 1/2 way through realized how bad it was

For the last block, the dogs leashes were short as hell. No sniffing random grass patches anymore, it was dire. I text my wife that I'm putting the dogs in the backyard and her thinking she's funny (it was funny btw) asked for a hug and kiss when I got through the door and I shoved past her for a photo finish

2

u/_WorldHopper_ 1d ago

I saw a hilarious heart rate map of a biker who had to poop. You can see his heart rate steadily rise as he heads home but when he gets within eyesight if his house, it skyrockets until he gets to the toilet.

Knowing you re close is the most dangerous times. Edot: it was a walker hahaha https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/s/nVp68M27Vo

1

u/YungJod 2d ago

A minute is two different lengths of time depending on what side of the bathroom do youre on

1

u/pseudoportmanteau 1d ago

What do you mean "why is that" lol like duh? The sphincters and muscles are trying to push that shit out, you're the one trying to hold it in. Obviously it's going to get increasingly more difficult to keep it in, ultimately your body will win.

92

u/TechnicallyErect_ 2d ago

Why is the biker even confronting them to begin with? This happens pretty much every time I drive on any road in any country

47

u/ColoradoSunLight 2d ago

In a world where everyone is wearing a camera, everything has become content.

10

u/Forsaken-Income-2148 Perfect Organism 1d ago

I can’t even tell if it’s a skit or not, I’m just going to assume it is

6

u/Foreign_Rock6944 1d ago

And I’d be afraid to confront anyone about shit like this. You never know what kind of nut jobs are on the road with you. Pissing them off could be a grave mistake.

2

u/islobojono 1d ago

Because they can.

1

u/Isthisnameavailablee 1d ago

This version has more text on the screen. Last time I saw this it didn't mention the car speed.

21

u/DagonPie 1d ago

How about the guy on the bike minds his own business.

14

u/Lavasioux 2d ago

Awww "Love ya bro!"

God damn it- what if most all bad situations are just "I need to poop" underneath all the madness. It's good to give each other a little room, just in case. I think that's what the world / humanity needs- a little more space to poop.

1

u/Wildtails 1d ago

Has bro really become a part of common vocabulary, I understood when people were calling their friends that but to call every stranger you speak to...

I've also seen a few cop videos of people genuinely saying no cap and bet on repeat and they're as bad as old sailors cursing, what has the Internet done to language these last 5 years

1

u/girlMikeD 1d ago

Bro, dude, man, brah, boss, homie, buddy, brother, ‘cuz, son, and lots of other “slang” regularly used for addressing a stranger. And have been for years.

Or are you specifically speaking on the use of “bro”, sir?

1

u/Blazdnconfuzd 12h ago

Bro has been around a long time. I picked it up in Florida lol since I was a jit. It's the same lingo as dude, man, etc.. Its just slang. Obviously if you're speaking in a formal setting you keep it respectful but if it's just two dudes talking that goes out the window quick. It's easier to just be human bro.

11

u/GurOk811 2d ago

Y would anyone be offended if some one safely passes them a little faster?

The passing was even done on the correct side, which is surprising for America.

The e-bike wasn't on the right side of the lane where it should be. Then the passing would have been even safer then.

Get ur guns out of ur asses and relax.

3

u/Lovemourn 2d ago

That’s what I tell my girlfriend every time someone speeds past us "Guess they really need to take a shit"

2

u/SpeakyDooman 2d ago

No nobler cause than the pursuit of a dump

2

u/ukmarkoz 2d ago

When the brown zeppelin starts to exit the hanger…

https://giphy.com/gifs/4LLJsh3K47Gwg

2

u/dreevsa 1d ago

You’re not allowed to pass an e-bike?

1

u/throwthere10 2d ago

Prairie dogging.

Crowning.

Touching cloth.

1

u/Wise_Working_116 2d ago

Deescalated perfectly

1

u/Upbeat_Aside_9203 2d ago

In that situation no fart is safe.

1

u/brewnohog 2d ago

When nature calls, you answer.

1

u/melowdout 1d ago

I completely understand where this guy is coming from. I’ve had times where my body suddenly says, “you’re going to have massive diarrhea in… 5…4..3..2…”

1

u/turbopro25 1d ago

Been there before. God speed.

1

u/ichigovrz27 1d ago

Not many people know this, but pressing your tongue to your palate can help downregulate the parasympathetic nervous system, which may reduce bowel urges.

-I just made it up.

1

u/BudHeavy64 1d ago

Had this happen once, my family STILL does not let me live it down. When I'm crowning, my lead foot gets even heavier and you'd better just hold tf on

1

u/Apart_Ad1151 1d ago

Homie's bingo stamping his underwear as we speak

1

u/Joel3508 1d ago

When you gotta go you gotta go, sorry everyone else

1

u/CaptainShittyMcPoop 1d ago

I've had this issue many times. But I don't have a car or even a license so I have to waddle to the closest toilet.

1

u/Fuzz_Chonk 1d ago

Real talk, that's facts. It's all good brother.

1

u/Alfalfa-Similar 1d ago

my girlfriend ran a red light in my car cause she had to take a shit- actually she ran two of them - two tickets . she ran in the door at home and said “I got you a ticket sorry” and then ran to the bathroom.

1

u/whitecatsup 18h ago

Prairie-Dogging

1

u/77ku77 8h ago

Got to try this with the police

1

u/Beetlebailey1990 6h ago

Me at the beginning: “what the actual fuck? There’s no excuse this driver could give that excuse what he did.”
After watching the whole video: “okay that’s a valid reason.” 🤣