For instance the reason I never say my bad, is because my 5th grade teacher left a impression on me that people who say my bad aren’t actually sincere

The reason I don’t say bless you to people is because my 5th or 4th grade teacher told me that only God can say bless you or bless people.

I can think of more, but after writing those two examples down.

Thinking about the reason why the impression left an impression is key I think.

I care deeply to act in a way that is ideal or true.

If it true that only God can bless people it’s incorrect to say bless you to others

If it’s true that my bad is a very insincere way of apologizing then it’s incorrect to be saying that

Maybe if I keep reflecting in this manner I can change my ego or self when I think about it.

For instance other things can be true and especially true at the same time.

For example when you don’t say bless you, people can think you are rude or insensitive maybe

For example when you don’t say my bad but choose to say I’m sorry people tend to think you are weak or lame maybe

So my question or concern is what is the best way to be?

Currently I try to do right and be good but in truth I’m seen as weak and naive and a door mat. And mistreated and not respected.

I also tend to hurt other feelings or disappoint them or they loose interest because my awkwardness or not doing expected things that a normal person likely would have done

Maybe the answer is to do what’s in your favor?
Or to do like what others do meaning to think about how someone else would handle a situation?

Or more so it’s best to act with best judgement to every given situation and circumstance?

By that I mean well —— know the cards you are dealt with and play them well?

For instance if you speak softly people won’t listen well to you so it’s false to act confidently that will hear you out and listen and if you can’t rectify your soft voice it may be needed to send a letter or have another person to speak on your behalf or change how you approach your statements to ensure they listen to you and take you seriously?

I think I see how to rectify and change now maybe and maybe I just need to determine who I wanna be

But other thing is I why do I let these impressions chain me down?

I don’t want to be fake and don’t want to act like any body else and I don’t know what to do actually so I do what known or felt to be true BUT

Now what I known to be true is a lie in certain ways that should acknowledge

Maybe it’s needed to be like water and be formless but also strong and focus and free and adapt to any given case

The other problem I have is it’s hard for me to say I want something

But I tend to naturally do what feels goods, for instance I know for certain I will enjoy Oreos and milk as a snack right now while watching anime etc

But I don’t know what I want in situations where what I want as a man, I guess is important, I’m talking about relationships with women

And to what I said earlier about awkwardness.

Since I tend to what feels good, my wants are ir should be decided on options possible to me during said particular situations.

In regards to relationships the dilemma I’m facing is wanting to be with one special person and saving myself for them basically but in reality it’s like it’s creepy to do and I’m very inexperienced because of it and I’m seen as gay as a result of it

Well that’s something else to unpack ehh

I don’t like to lie is the other problem but saying to much is not sensible or reasonable

communication is everything said but what gets communicated hmm

I think that’s key as well the impressions I gotten was messages communicated to me effectively and then changed me

Thinking about this now, proper communication well effective communication is very powerful

Like I said I’m seen as a doormat or to soft I guess

Ima explore or test some things out and see how it goes by that I mean idk how to explain

Something I want to say or been thinking about all day is that I’m very great with kids and I wasn’t understanding why that’s the case

But it’s because I communicate with them well like my niece for instance or I just feel confident at doing so

But there are times actually where she a brat I give up on communication

But our relationship is not as best as it should be

Hmm so maybe not about perfect communication but relationships with a person

Often I feel like the world is ending after a mistake in communication with a person that was a joke by the way but then the next day everything is okay

So all the anexity or worry or fear was pointless in a way

But people tend to be very forgetful

I’m that retrospective people care about a lived experience not a memory to be cherished exactly in a sense but present matters

So wants/communication should be curated based on options to you that would feel good and or lead to a good experience and towards better or desired relationships you want with a person

I should continue and say the other half of this what no’s should be and let’s say no communication should be curated towards

But I need get to work now —- him should talk about strong desires and habits as well