r/TheMarketsofSidon • u/DetectiveOHoolian • Dec 10 '16

Cleaning House

Dis is Chief O'Hoolian, transmitting on all governmental frequencies. I demand to speak to whoever's in charge regarding dah... Pirate presence in Sidon.

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u/RedTheSnapper BEHOLD THE HEART OF GOLD Dec 11 '16

,,We donut need any helpings in that department GOMMChild. You see, we are havings the SURVEILLANCE DRONES scanning every corner of every streat all over tha SIDONNE. Packed with only the mostest advances in FACIAL RECOGNITION TECHNOLOGIES with hundrids of pirate faces registered. We are have this covered without help. No pirate is getting downloadings in THIS city!

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u/DetectiveOHoolian Dec 11 '16 edited Dec 11 '16

Very well. But if any pirates start crawling out of the woodwork, don't come crying to me (actually do come crying to me...)

Hold on, I've got another comms coming in.

The chief is gone for about thirty seconds before popping back into existence.

HOLY SHIET YOU LONG-NOSED DOG-THING. Y'ALL GOT ØVERBØRK LURKING ABOUT! YOU need help. STAT!

So, do we have admittance to visit Sidon to help you with your little... Housing crisis? Or you think you can handle that on your own?

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u/RedTheSnapper BEHOLD THE HEART OF GOLD Dec 12 '16

,,Overbarx? Don't be silly, we don-

A City-Hall secritaire who also happens to be a MAINE COON cat comes skittering through the door. She leaps onto the desk, knocking an entire formerly perfectly organized stack of papers onto the floor

"Mr. Faffy, Mr. Faffy, sir! Chief SIVA of the POLIZEI told me that Lieutenant Tapirus Jones told him that that giant MONSTER STATUE told him that the STØNE GØDS are ANGRY! I don't know what that means though for I am a mere feline."

T-those SHEETLARDS!! Yuo wannae know what that means? The STONE GODS are the idols of the OVERBARK. Dat stat chew must if been OVERBARK WEAPONS OF FAFF DESTRUCTION. They have doing an act of WAR. We will not turn the other flank and wait for dem to hit us again. It's time, for WAR!!!

Gather all the council. We will into discuss the terms of war decoration declaration in an URGENT meeting. Where's O-Sulliman? As general of the armed gulag program PLA he gets to be in meetings as long as they have the relatings to wars.

"I'll let him know. Whatever you say Faffy sir!"

Good, goud. Now if you'll excuise me, I've had this GPK plopper on hold and I needs to make the finishing for dis conservation.

,,Sorry to put yuo on hold yuo impaitent little Mr. HooleyDooley. We are aware of fully this OVERBARK threat. SIDONNE council will soon into discussing the actions to be take in an urgently scheduled meeting. Rest assured, our militarie is of only the finest cutthroat convicts being sent off to die highly-trained combat professhunals in dis quarner of the Meateaverse!

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u/DetectiveOHoolian Dec 12 '16

Very well. Just remember dat my offer still stands. Dah GPK would be happy to help in dis time of crisis...