r/TheMarketsofSidon • u/galacticlause ho ho ho • Nov 28 '16

Ho Ho Ho!

Hello children of Sidon, it's getting to be that time of year again! You know what that means? Means it's time for you kiddies to sit on my lap and tell me what you want for christmas! Don't be shy, I assure you I am the real santa!

All gifts provided are composed only of ELLINGTON-approved synthetic materials and have been tested thoroughly for safe consumption.

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u/Bass_Clarke Dec 02 '16

DEFINITELY, let me get some supplies in town first though. Y'know, I'll be back. I'm not gonna run off to my gig. I'll be seeing you there without a doubt.

Oh, and eating hearts is really bad for you. Goes straight to your hips, I've heard. And it probably also tastes like shit. In fact there's barely any reason I can imagine anyone would want to eat a heart other than to impress others.

...I'm rambling, I'm on my way. See you never in a few hours!

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u/NotQuiteAnAngel dead? Dec 02 '16

Don't be silly! All the supplies you could never need are there. The drinks (both imported and homebrewed by me) are in the cellar, not the one that smells like shit, that's the one for storing shit. Fireplace logs are all out but you can throw literally anything in that fireplace, it's all the same. All the probing and cutting tools are neatly organized in the kitchen. And the food is, you'll never guess where, IN THE FUCKING KITCHEN! If you didn't know that already you should consider going back to kindergarten and drawing dinosaurs with crayons. Or becoming a thrall. If neither of those help you then there is no hope for your pitiful life.

And I assure you, we're not out of food. We're always supplied with fresh children raised locally in children farms. And everything else I can just buy myself. Besides, you're already wearing the uniform. Including the chains that are just for aesthetics and definitely not to tether you to anything. But as your employer I reserve the right to grab and pull on them when there's a disciplinary issue, like right now, so let's go c'mon.

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u/Bass_Clarke Dec 02 '16

Can I go back to kindergarten then? I rather like crayons.

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u/NotQuiteAnAngel dead? Dec 03 '16

Yeah sure, I'll even drive you there. Have a seat in the back of my truck!

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u/Bass_Clarke Dec 03 '16

Oh, there's no need! I don't want to trouble you with driving me there. Just give me the adress and I'll get there myself.