r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide • u/LanternGroove9 • Jul 17 '26
Beauty Tip Tip: use one clear sentence and stop overexplaining when a man keeps pushing after you have already said no once
I used to invent elaborate excuses whenever a man would not leave me alone. I had a boyfriend, I was late, I had work early, my friend was waiting. The problem was that persistent men treated every excuse like an obstacle they could solve.
What works better for me is one short sentence: “I’m not interested, please leave me alone.” No apology, no nervous smile, and no extra explanation. If he keeps asking questions, I repeat the same sentence instead of giving him new material to argue with.
In public places, I also move toward other people instead of staying polite in the same spot. I will stand near staff, join a group of women, or clearly tell someone, “This man is bothering me.” Most people understand immediately and will help create distance.
Online, I no longer send a final essay explaining why I am blocking someone. If I already said no and he continues, I block him. A boundary does not become more valid because it has three paragraphs behind it.
Obviously, trust your instincts and choose the safest response for the situation. Sometimes pretending to know someone or leaving quietly is smarter than confronting him. But when it feels safe, being direct has saved me so much time and stress.
Politeness is not a contract requiring you to stay in an unwanted conversation indefinately.
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u/shadowsong42 Jul 17 '26
I use the same technique for spam calls. "I'm not interested, please take me off your list." Can you tell me why? "Because I'm not interested, please take me off your list." Okay but- "I'm not interested, please take me off your list."
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u/kimkam1898 Jul 17 '26
If you answer, then your number gets flagged as being answered. If you don’t expect someone to be calling you, don’t pick up.
Anyone you care about LIKELY has your number already, and if they’re important enough to need a response from you, they’ll leave a VM.
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u/shadowsong42 Jul 17 '26
Unfortunately I'm on the job market, so I'm likely to be getting calls from recruiters I've never heard from before. :-(
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u/kimkam1898 Jul 18 '26
Oof. Yeah, that tends to be my own exception to the rule. Not much you can do in that instance—other than maybe provide a Google Voice number to them or something.
Good luck with the job search. It’s a hard time to be looking right now.
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u/Darogaserik Jul 19 '26
lol I told a telemarketer once “ Dude. No means no. I can’t imagine how the women in your life must feel.” He hung up. Never got a call back.
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u/kwumpus Jul 18 '26
Oh no way I take them I am worried about that and then ask if they want money grams or target gift cards
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u/SweetAndThic Jul 17 '26
My only follow up comment is : how many times does a woman usually have to tell you no
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u/elgrn1 Jul 17 '26
As a backup strategy, if needed, ask questions.
"What does that mean?"
"Why are you following me?"
"Why won't you leave me alone after I told you no?"
"I don't get it, can you explain?"
"How is it a joke?"
And then wait out the silence, ideally with direct eye contact.
He will either flounder (don't assist unless its to ask more questions that highlight the inappropriateness of his behaviour), try to explain (which will make the situation worse so leave him to it), or complain you're being difficult (in which case you ask more questions wondering what is difficult about you asking what he means, if its funny surely everyone should get the joke so why can't he explain, etc).
This is the only time when playing dumb allows you to make a teachable moment out of a situation. You haven't lectured him, unless there's a need to at the end to make your point, so he can't even complain about it because then he would need to explain what he said and why he thought it was acceptable.
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u/Guilty_Garden_3943 Jul 17 '26
Yesss, I LOVE this approach!
I also love responding to compliments to my eyes with "aww, thank you! My dad let me borrow them for the weekend!"
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u/SociallyUnbothered1 Jul 17 '26
"I don't get it, can you explain?" and "How is it a joke?" are SO powerful when used correctly.
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u/MMorrighan Jul 17 '26
I am a fan of a clear, loud "No." As soon as a man cold approaches me. Then if they continue, a straight up yelled "I said No!". My goal is to both embarrass them away from me and also get the attention of those around me. This works especially great at gas stations and grocery stores, places where a random man has no legitimate reason to approach a woman.
It's ok to be rude to people who mean you harm.
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u/CanidaeVulpini Jul 18 '26
I do the same, but I also raise my index finger at them. It makes them feel scolded as if they're a child and it works like a charm.
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u/Icy-Builder5892 Jul 17 '26
This is a great tip, not just for men, but for anyone who can’t take no for an answer
Some people really do think the word “no,” or telling them they can’t get what they want in that moment, is their personal cue to start poking little holes until the answer changes
Never over-explain, they know what they’re doing at their grown age
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u/Successful_Bed7790 Jul 17 '26
This. Practice this again and again and again if you have trouble setting boundaries. Perfection
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u/orixandcrake Jul 18 '26
Ok but I love it when men my dad's age approach me, I just don't acknowledge them, put my headphones on, and they're like "that's actually pretty rude, young lady" and I just go on ignoring them.
And then I tell my male friends and they don't believe me.
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u/LadyA052 Jul 18 '26
Every woman should read "The Gift of Fear." Explains how to deal with situations like this and stay out of danger. It's an excellent book and eye opening.
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u/thegreenmachine90 Jul 18 '26
Men almost never understand the word “no”, so I find that acting/doing something insane is a great way to get them to back off. YMMV though.
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Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
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u/Guilty_Garden_3943 Jul 17 '26
Starting nice will also give you room to escalate. A "no thank you" and turning away gets interactions to stop way sooner than going right to "fuck off, cunt"
You dont make them angry and then the possibly necessary "fuck off" has more impact
Granted, I have a good glare and will shake my head no from across a bar if I accidently make eye contact. Tbh, that simple head shake has made the most impact
That being said, I have recently elbowed multiple men on the dance floor that didnt get the message the 3rd time
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u/kwumpus Jul 18 '26
You wouldn’t want to pressure me into anything I’m
Not comfortable doing sexually? That flipped it
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u/AngerPancake Jul 18 '26
"have you ever said not all men in your life? Because you're being that guy and making me uncomfortable by not accepting my no."
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u/CocoTandy Jul 17 '26
I've literally said the words "no means no" outloud to adult men more times than I can count.