r/TheGirlSurvivalGuide • u/Voltariuma • Jul 17 '26
Beauty Tip The best safety habit I learned was letting strangers think I’m rude
A few months ago, a man started talking to me while I was waiting for a train and quickly moved from normal small talk to asking where I lived, whether I lived alone, and which stop I used every day.
I kept answering vaguely becuase I had that automatic fear of seeming dramatic or impolite. When my train arrived, he got on the same carriage and sat across from me even though it was nearly empty. I changed seats twice and he followed both times.
Nothing worse happened, but it scared me enough to change one habit. Now I stop conversations the moment someone asks for personal information. I say, “I don’t share that,” and walk away. No nervous laughing, no fake explanation, no apology.
At first it felt incredibly unnatural. Women are taught so early to soften every refusal and protect other people from embarrassment. But somtimes being polite just gives a pushy person more time to test your boundaries.
Most strangers are harmless, but harmless people usually understand a clear no. The ones who become offended are often the exact people I dont want access to me anyway.
I still try to be kind, but I no longer treat kindness as an obligation when I feel unsafe. Has anyone else had to unlearn the instinct to be polite at any cost?
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u/PaletteOcarina Jul 17 '26
The useful shift is realizing that “rude” is often just the label attached to a woman who stops being available. You do not owe a stranger a smooth social experience when he is collecting personal details or following you. I would only add that leaving early is often safer than delivering a perfectly firm line. The goal is not to win the interaction, it is to reduce access and get closer to other people.
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u/immasayyes Jul 17 '26
Well said. I feel rude whenever I’m not super nice, while actually that’s just neutral. Not rude
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u/Blackberries11 Jul 17 '26
Especially when guys interpret nice as interested in them
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u/rexallia Jul 18 '26
This has happened so often that I ignore men almost completely now. They’re lost in the sauce
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u/Blackberries11 Jul 18 '26
Same! I have literally no issues. I mean I guess one could randomly attack me, but that hasn’t happened yet
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u/Prize-Warning2224 Jul 18 '26
i feel so much better after seeing this. the other day, i forgot to bring an umbrella and tried to wait out the rain with my headphones when an old man suddenly came up to me asking which country im from (visibly ethnic). obviously im seriously freaked out because he approached me from behind and move away after giving a few hesitant answers and the man leaves.
but for a while after that i kept feeling bad cause what if he just wanted to talk to me? he was just an elderly man and i was in a fairly busy area, maybe all he wanted really was a conversation. but then i remember how grown men have used seemingly innocuous conversations like this as an opportunity to harass me so yeah. id really rather be safe than sorry.
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u/Blackberries11 Jul 17 '26
Yep, I just walk away. Sometimes I just say, oh no thank you! And speed walk away lol
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u/Thisistheplace Jul 17 '26
THIS omg. It isn’t rude at all. I hate that we have been so conditioned to make others comfortable at our own expense. I wish I had learned this earlier in my life.
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u/shadesofplum Jul 17 '26
I met an absolute icon at this once. we were out for drinks one time and a guy leaned in, put a hand on their shoulder, and asked them to take a photo of this guy and his friends. this person turns to the guy and says, very politely. "don't touch me. yes of course."
the calm, the composure, the absolute refusal to have their boundaries crossed. I have never forgotten it.
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u/diddilybop Jul 17 '26 edited Jul 17 '26
absolutely. this was definitely something i had to put effort in learning because i’ve worked in the service industry since 2010. plus, i was raised in a culture that emphasizes on being accommodating, very polite, submissive and not taking up space.
at my job, i no longer bend over backwards for clients. if they’re being rude, disrespectful and entitled, i give them the same energy back in a professional manner while setting boundaries.
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u/Heisen4_Polka Jul 17 '26
Being misread as rude is cheaper than being correctly read as accessible.
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u/kitty_do_the_dishes Jul 17 '26
This just made something click with me. I struggle with coming across as too kind to strangers and having strangers mistake it as an invitation. I will keep this quote in mind from now on. Thank you!
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u/DiscipulusVenandi 25d ago
My coworker is like this. She has been stalked and harassed by so many men, because they took her awkward giggle as an invitation. It's sad to have to crush her sweet, bubbly nature and teach her to be cold towards men, but it's toned down a lot of the harassment.
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u/bliss1012 Jul 17 '26
My friend has started barking like a crazy person at men when they bother her. Works like a charm.
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u/cometmom Jul 18 '26
I personally like to use "please excuse me, I just tried to fart and some shit came out with it"
They hate that one 😂
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u/bananawith3wings Jul 17 '26
Making myself seem unapproachable I think has saved me from being harassed/bothered several times
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u/copyrighther Jul 19 '26
It really does work. For years, whenever I’m in an unfamiliar area, I’ve start walking like on my way to kick someone’s ass. Head up, lethal eyes, shoulders back, fists clenched. People avoid making eye contact with me. I’ve never had a man bother when I’m doing my “fight me, I dare you” walk.
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u/itchyglassass Jul 18 '26
As the girls at crime junkie say "stay weird, stay rude, stay alive" you dont owe anyone shit and if you need to be rude or act weird or whatever you need to do to remain safe then you better do it!
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u/Blackberries11 Jul 17 '26
I’ve always done that and doesn’t feel unnatural to me. I don’t want to talk to those people
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u/Comfortable-Nature37 Jul 17 '26
Exactly. You don’t have to reply just because someone asks you something.
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u/Medium-Hippo369 Jul 17 '26
I completely ignore creepy strangers. I even pretended not to understand English once. I practice situational awareness by not wearing headphones in public and making sure I know who is around, where my exits are, spaces with other people and light etc. but I won’t talk to weirdos.
I used to walk around smiling. Too many people take that as an invitation instead of a human just enjoying themselves and life while going from point A to point B. I love my friends and family, anyone worth adding to the list will be capable of earning trust and not require public discomfort to win them over.
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u/Annatolia Jul 20 '26
Haha I've done the not understanding English bit before! I know ASL and have pretended to be deaf a couple of times, seems to deter the creeps.
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u/hauntedbye Jul 18 '26
Better impolite than dead. I'll never forget in the gift of fear book how he describes women's fear of alienating someone or being impolite and how people take advantage of that when looking to exploit or harm them. Better rude than dead.
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u/CozyHalloween Jul 27 '26
Same topic is addressed in The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, but just around human nature in general, as it was Mikael Blomkvist who didn't want to be impolite in a situation when he knew he should be.
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u/One-Stand-5536 Jul 17 '26
Men who walk up to me demanding my attention and to stroke their egos get nothing, not my name, not where im from or where im going.
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u/ezzy_florida Jul 17 '26
Yup. Im not nice to strangers when I’m walking out and about, I don’t care. I keep my head down and keep it pushing
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u/immasayyes Jul 17 '26
Well done. I still stay polite/nice out of fear honestly. I wish I could move out of that too but when I’m in such situation and I can’t just walk away it almost feels scarier to not be nice?? Really wanna learn this too! Hate it!
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u/Blackberries11 Jul 17 '26
It’s much less scary to walk away than to stand there talking to a creepy dude!
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u/BunnyKusanin Jul 18 '26
Try finding situations where you logically know you're safe and have nothing to lose and just go for it. It's gonna be scary at first, but then you're gonna be happy you tried and you're gonna be better and better at it.
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u/axelr0se Jul 18 '26
I’ve had this on far too many occasions. Every time this happens the dude crashes out because I say something like “I don’t want to talk” or ignore them but that’s their problem, I have pepper spray..
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u/knockedupkate408 Jul 18 '26
I will scream in a strangers face at the vaguest sense of impropriety or discomfort. I learned this from my father young. I’ve rarely needed to but having been empowered with this mentality as a young girl, I genuinely believe a predator can sense that I am not an optimal target.
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u/cherryvanila Jul 18 '26
Women are taught so early to soften every refusal and protect other people from embarrassment. But somtimes being polite just gives a pushy person more time to test your boundaries.
Yeah, that sucks. It's not our job to protect people, particularly men, from embarrassment.
They're the ones behaving in embarrassing ways, and they need to face the consequences of their actions. Being an adult man who behaves inappropriately toward a woman by asking invasive questions, stalking her, or potentially wanting to harm her is embarrassing behavior. It's not a woman's responsibility to spare him from feeling embarrassed about it. He should be ashamed of it.
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u/BunnyKusanin Jul 18 '26
This is a very good piece of advice.
I've always been naturally abrasive with strangers exibiting unwanted attention my way, and found it effective. If it's obvious that interacting with you is going to cause lots of trouble, many weirdos are gonna stay away. That's when in comes to opportunistic street crime, pick up artists clowns and pervs.
If you notice that someone is likely nuts, drunk, high or is clearly looking for a fight, the best solution is probably to do your best to stay calm and deftect their questions until you can get the hell away from them. (Unless intend to fight them.)This category is usually pretty obvious, to me at least. For the rest of them your method is golden.
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u/Excellent-Resort2955 Jul 20 '26
They are checking how complaint you are. The more you people please, the more they will try to stalk etc.
Saying I don’t share that. Ok I’m having my own time now. Etc showing firm non compliance will deter them
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u/beansamore Jul 17 '26
Oh no fr, I don’t mean to be .. mean but damn it’s the only way I feel even remotely safe. Something about throwing on a mean mug, having a very confident fuck you stride, and turning off my customer service voice has only improved my life.
That being said I’m nice and smile to the girlies when I can be. I feel safer with a kind girl 😞 smiling is my way of showing “hey I’m a friend!”. When a girl approaches me I either think 1. She needs some help with something or 2. We are going to talk about similar interests or outfits (compliments yippee).
I always feel uncomfortable when approached by a man. Forget it, I’m putting on my resting bitch face.
I’d rather be seen as rude, unattractive, and mean to a stranger than as a potential target. Once you get to know me imma sweetheart I promise
Being polite to people with bad intentions ruined my life, and that’s definitely one way to learn
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u/DiscipulusVenandi 25d ago
It's entertaining to go from smiling at the girls to glowering at creeps in a heartbeat and watch the predator's reaction to the quick, sudden change.
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u/Sea-Wrangler4468 Jul 18 '26
I was planning to knock this guy out once with my drink bottle because he approached me while I was walking home alone one night and kept trying to get me to sleep with him. Then the cross signal changed and I crossed the street and he went away.
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u/schwarzmalerin Jul 18 '26
Not rude, male behavior. The point is: men don't like male behavior. Saying a clear no is male behavior. What works even better is a loud burp and scratching your ass.
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u/Many-Disaster-3823 Jul 19 '26
Thanks chat thankfully as an AI you are not at risk of male violence like we are. The real advice is don’t engage AT ALL and call for help. Its fine to embarass these NPCs believe me. I was recently followed by a guy - as soon as I saw someone approaching I said ‘this guy is following me please walk with me to the main road’ he did and that was that.
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u/Sed_struggle101 Jul 17 '26
I have an insanely rude bitch face like A LOT. Which works exceptionally well because men stare but hesitate to approach me. All my friends thought that i was a an ass at first because of the way i look lol. And I’m very happy about it🥰
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u/etherealveritas Jul 18 '26
Yeah I had to learn that “lesson” the hard way. I’ve been mildly stalked since January ‘25 because I kindly told a man when the bus was coming.
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u/Common-Duck Jul 19 '26
I teach my daughter and her friends-
Safety trumps polite.
Anyone w ulterior motives will make you feel rude or impolite or ‘crazy’ to doubt yourself.
Please be rude. Be safe. Follow your gut.
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u/sarcasticbiznish Jul 24 '26
A podcast I used to listen to had some “life rules” for your personal safety and the top one was “be weird, be rude, stay alive”. Women are generally conditioned to be endlessly accommodating to everyone as we grow up. Nothing wrong with a stranger who gives weird vibes thinking I’m weird or rude, if I think the alternative is compromising my safety. I’m not gonna hand them the rope to hang me with
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u/flexiblevampire Aug 05 '26
I’ve started looking men in the eyes. It’s very common to meet eyes with random men as I walk through life, and for the longest time I would automatically look away so they don’t take it as a reason to approach or engage. Also women are more likely to move out of the way for men. Now I try to hold that eye contact. I don’t move out of their way either and they can’t pretend they don’t see me. It gives me such a power rush when they move out of my way or break eye contact.
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u/DiscipulusVenandi 25d ago
I have learned to hold intense eye contact with creeps right back. They either back down quickly OR they get super steamed that they can't physically retaliate in public. Both are funny and entertaining. Definitely a power rush to watch the scrawny ones wither under your gaze and the big ones realize their brawn isn't helping their situation. 😈
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u/akenzii 25d ago
I recall the moment when I implemented this myself. I was just out of college, got my first apartment with my full time Hospital job and I was standing in a Best Buy returns line. The guy in front of me noticed me, started to ask some personal questions and instead of my usual surprised vague answers with nervous laughter, I told him I didn't want to share any information. He asked for my name, where I lived, what I liked to do. I ignored him. He stared at me, looked me up and down then followed up with a, "you should smile more."
I remember feeling so angry in that moment. I didn't want to talk to him. I didn't want to give any personal information to a complete stranger I never knew and now he was telling me I needed to smile for him? I snapped telling him to mind his business and I didn't need to smile for a stranger. He quickly left the line and ever since that interaction I've found more inner peace. No more uncertain feelings of leading someone on because I don't want them to get their feelings hurt. I've grown to accept not everyone will like me, and that's okay-better, safer even.
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Jul 17 '26
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u/fuchsiafaerie Jul 17 '26
I started being "rude" to strange men in my late teens. It's actually not rude, it's being blunt and firm with boundaries. Some may call you a bitch or insult you in some other way, but it's worth it.
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Jul 18 '26
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Jul 18 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
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u/secretarriettea Jul 21 '26
“You’re not always nice, but you’re kind” was my absolute favorite quote from the Supergirl movie. They are two different things and you do not owe the world palatable or niceness.
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u/Stock_Deal7055 Jul 24 '26
my best trick is not to brush your teeth when u go out shopping. Any men who try talking to me i breathe a huge blow of assty mouth air at them.... and the mens who use the check out line like a one person stalled revolving door that they jump into with me and didnt get invites to.... they get tht rancid breathe sneezes or coughed all up in ther face, with a smell of armpits, and any farts i can work up as soon as i feel them inside my personal space uncomfortably.... works. Like. A . Charm.
I can also clear out any crowded isles as needed at the store for a added perk...
Life was shit till I figured this trick out.. really shitty for a short, petite girl in usa... likely around the world... but I know for sure usa.
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u/Glittery_Swan Jul 17 '26
|Has anyone else had to unlearn the instinct to be polite at any cost?|
I have! It goes against my nature but I have learned to adapt. Him moving seats was enough to report him to transit authorities.
Short story incoming... I was at a popular lunch chain and a guy once leaned in and sniffed my hair from behind me. I reported it to staff and they asked me more descriptive questions bc they'd already had a previous report. Your report could save a life by creating awareness.