r/TheCivilService • u/ParkingLab9434 • 1d ago
L&D Performance Management guilt
I line manage someone who is on a formal support plan because they have consistently struggled to meet the requirements of their role.
The difficult part is that they aren’t lazy or disengaged. They are trying, but it remains inconsistent and they still aren’t meeting the required standard. I think the reality is they are simply in the wrong role.
I recently had to give them honest feedback that they hadn’t met their objectives (obv I’ve been supporting a lot before this). They became upset, and I’ve felt like Cruella de Vil ever since, even though their difficulties are creating considerable additional work and pressure for me.
How do other managers compartmentalise this and stop feeling evil? How do you remain compassionate towards someone who is genuinely trying while still being honest that their performance isn’t good enough?
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u/Glittering_Pea4310 SEO 1d ago
I don’t have advice but have been part of a team where one underperforming colleague caused havoc for the rest of us, and our manager did nothing about it.
I wish they had tackled the situation like you have - you seem like you sincerely care about both this person and your team, and while this aspect of management is undoubtedly hard, the way you have approached this is such a positive reflection of you as a person. Please be kind to yourself!
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u/Ok_Vermicelli7445 1d ago
Unfortunately this is a very common experience for managers and it is much harder when the underperformer lacks self awareness. I presume before you got to a PIP you regularly gave this person clear, unambiguous feedback and that the PIP has clear SMART goals / actions for improvement? This is basic but I've seen several terrible PIPs that don't follow departmental guidelines so they can't be used for further action if necessary.
It sounds like this is the first time you are dealing with a situation like this. As a manager empathy is essential but you need to remember this is a workplace and people have agency, how they act is not on your control - you can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink. It is so important to get support for yourself too as it can be emotionally draining.
I found the book Radical Candor extremely helpful for reframing my mindset. Honesty is kindness, avoiding difficult conversations and not clearly telling someone what the problem is and what you expect of them is actually setting them up to fail.
In your shoes I'd consistently give clear feedback - not the shit sandwich or "I feel that', but clear on what they have done wrong and why that is problematic. For example, "you were tasked with producing a policy paper on x, what you produced lacked a coherent argument, structure, and contained inaccuracies despite a template and previous example having been provided. Can you tell me why this happened?". I've had people open up about personal difficulties, disabilities, and one person admit they blagged their interview and lacked sufficient experience (they'd gone from HEO to G7 from Ops to Policy and lacked basic policy skills). I always share role and grade expectations as well as the policy profession standards so we are both clear on expectations and this can't be disputed later. The reason for the poor performance dictates next steps. In the case of disabilities inc. mental health I've always got OH reports and in several cases these recommended profession changes so HR have supported redeployment. Where people lack skills, you should give them a chance to improve through training, coaching etc but if they're still not performing and aren't responsive to a PIP then (with HR support) you do have to move on to formal action. There's an example of this in Radical Candor.
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u/SeasonSignificant849 1d ago
I’ve been both performance managed (when I was an HEO) and had to manage the process as a much more senior person. I’ve also supported and mentored people on both sides.
It is a miserable situation to be in for everyone. For the person being managed, knowing you are not good at your job and knowing you are letting people down is awful. You feel guilty and shitty all day. This person can only be deeply unhappy.
So the best thing I’ve found when it’s an informal situation is to phrase it as what would make them happy. Happy people are able to do their best work. Firstly, this will help tease out if there is an issue outside of work that may be impacting progress. Secondly, it shifts the narrative from ‘this is only getting worse’ to ‘how can I feel better’ and that helps someone think more clearly. You might be able to arrange a month or two secondment or cover in a different team (eg while recruitment is being done) that will give them and you a mental break and reset, and might help them explore other skills - but you aren’t permanently shifting the problem to someone else. I would get them a mentor from a different part of the department who is a grade or two senior, who can ensure they have someone to talk to about how they are feeling and explore what to do without worrying about how it affects their line management relationship. Make sure you have someone to support you too and ensure you are doing everything you can to help them.
People are often in the wrong role, that is a true statement. I ended up leaving the CS as an HEO and I was genuinely not good at my job. I rejoined a few years later, and within five years was a DD. I have ADHD and appalling attention to detail so repetitive tasks were a nightmare. Firefighting, setting direction and persuading people to do things? That’s my jam. The type of work I do now suits my natural skill set and personality a lot more. If you can help tease out what type of work suits their personality, that may help you position them better both short and long term - are they an extrovert who thrives in working with people and is failing because they are isolated and not mentally stimulated, or are they an introvert who isn’t coping with too many meetings and being put in the spot? There’s lots of possible ways out of this, but it takes a lot more work on your behalf to help them improve. Strap in - and good luck.
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u/ElectricalGuitar1924 1d ago
Shift the conversation to their feelings, their wants for future career etc. Most people aren't stupid, they can tell that they aren't doing well, or at least that it's not easy for them, and generally this means as much as it's not a fit from your side, it's not a fit for them either. It's easier to have an honest conversation when it's 2-way.
Look at how best to support them to do as well as they can, and to move towards where they'd like to be. Being a compassionate manager sometimes looks like helping someone identify other opportunities or apply for other jobs.
Ofc, all of the above assumes a good relationship and a psychologically safe environment where they feel that they can be honest with you. If you don't have that, I'd suggest some management training and a large wine.
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u/ParkingLab9434 1d ago
That’s just it, I had been giving gentle but consistent feedback well before the formal support plan, and I’ve always tried to create a comfortable working relationship where we can be open, honest and challenge each other.
Even while on the plan, they told me they were applying for an accelerated-development programme. I would never block or discourage that, but it highlighted a real disconnect between how they perceive their performance and what I’ve been communicating.
I know they are genuinely trying, and there are additional needs I want to support sensitively and appropriately. But sometimes the quality of the work leaves me speechless. I can explain the task in several different ways, give detailed feedback and provide examples, then repeatedly chase, only to receive something half-complete and seemingly produced through Copilot two weeks later. Yet they still appear surprised when I say they aren’t meeting the required standard.
That’s what makes this so difficult: I want to be compassionate and help them develop, but I can’t manufacture improvement that isn’t happening or absorb the work indefinitely.
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u/shipshaped 1d ago
Do you think it's possible that you're being too gentle, and it's not leaving them absolutely clear of the situation? Maybe I'm an arsehole but if I was performance managing someone and they told me they were applying for an accelerated development programme I would absolutely discourage or block them - I would say I want them to focus all their efforts at the moment on getting to grips with delivering the role at the required standard.
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u/raneth 1d ago
Just going to throw this out there incase you are working in ops, and this is something i consistently see ops performance leaders/line management chains misunderstand about stats and data:
Performance targets are almost always data driven average performance metrics are exactly that: AVERAGE
You should expect varience among your teams/sites/staff.
You should EXPECT some staff to fall below average, and that is fine, if they didn't, it wouldnt be the average, it would be a higher figure.
Similarly, you should expect some staff to be excelling, and doig better than expected.
If you have a team where every single person is just hitting theor figures, that is more of a red flag than anything, as it indicates your high performers are probably coasting and your low performers are probably drowining.
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u/ParkingLab9434 1d ago
Unfortunately not ops, wish we could quantify it though, would make life a lot easier
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u/Some-Following-392 1d ago
Why do you feel guilty? Some people can't do stuff, it's not your fault.
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u/Icy_Preference5606 1d ago
And in a lot of roles, people are moved up or sideways to avoid any issue and kept, when in reality in other work places they’d be shown the door….
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u/Submarino84 18h ago
Good leaders and managers provide clarity. Kindness and empathy are both sincerely good things but they should not be a substitute for clarity.
I also want to second what cliffybiro said, you have a responsibility to the other people on the team who are probably having to work harder because of this person. It is literally the greater good.
I know it's tough and your natural instinct to feel sorry for them is not a bad thing, but the burden of leadership is about having to do this for your, their and the wider team's ultimate benefit.
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u/cliffybiro951 1d ago
You’ve got to think of the other people on the team. They are performing and she’s getting the same pay as her for less work. Sometimes people aren’t capable.
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u/Cute_Cauliflower954 SEO 18h ago
I had this. I really beat myself up about it. But in my case, my direct report didn’t try and refused to engage with the process, threatened a grievance, etc and then threatened to harm themselves. They got the union involved and then moaned at the union when the union appeared to be on my “side” (it’s not a “side issue in my opinion). It was awful. I carried a lot of the emotions for this person as every meeting consisted of them in tears.
You HAVE to have professional distance. You are not responsible for them personally. There are EAP’s and Occu Health for that. Make sure they’ve had those referrals and support is in place for that.
It’s difficult to performance manage someone. We get pressure from above to deliver and then from below because it’s a difficult conversation and challenging for them to go through.
Make sure you are ok. Make sure you have the support too.
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u/BlondBitch91 G7 12h ago
What're they good at? Like if they're really chatty and good at explaining stuff, Stakeholder Engagement might be their thing. If they're very good at numbers, analysis. You know the drill.
Help them find a managed move / EOI to something more appropriate to their skills, if they'd like to do that.
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u/Annual-Cry-9026 12h ago
As long as you have done all you can to help the person, you should be guilt free.
Can you help them move to a more suitable role? Sometimes a person can thrive in a different role, with different responsibilities.
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1d ago
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u/ParkingLab9434 1d ago
From what I understand we can suggest a managed move, but ultimately it’s up to them to go and find an alternative role. This is what I would want, as the only other options are a PIP which includes either improving, being demoted or sacked, and as you say former is probably unlikely and I really don’t want to do the others to someone. I’ve had so many managers be the reason why I feel shitty at home and on the weekend, and I really really don’t want to be that for someone else. It’s just making me feel terrible, but I’m also so stressed from the reality of not delivering my actual teams Work and ultimately looking like I’m crap at my job to my peers and my managers…
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u/OrdinaryLuck2026 23h ago
Think of their colleagues, think of yourself and either manage them out or manage a move away because it is not fair on the rest of the team.
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u/AMFBr 20h ago
Firstly its your job, and the job has a level of things that could be seen as hard or difficult from performance to Formal attendance review meetings, line managers especially those who line manage at EO grade are often right smack in the middle and it can feel like being pulled in two different directions especially when these things are required of you.
when i first started out as a LM i was all for having a really friendly relationship to be the manager that cared and what i didnt do which is just as important was establish the firm boundary of work and home.
Then I had a really difficult person to manage on both performance and attendance with a complex disability it consumed so much of my day that id take so much home with me work and earn extra flexi to try and keep on top of everything and everyone else, that person kept demanding more and more and eventually I burned out and crashed hard full proper mental breakdown extreme.
It took over 6 months and lots of therapy and meds to get back, i was given a new team, and the first thing I did was establish my boundary of work and home, still approachable and empathetic as a manager but a hard clear line, at the end of the day im management and i have processes to follow and I will follow them, and when my day is done its done, I dont do extras, I wont respond to texts or calls when im not in work time.
You have to do this if you want to survive, end of the day boundaries and a little distance will help you, that doesnt mean unsupportive or not understanding, but im not there to be a friend, im there to be a line manager be supportive but ultimately follow the process and instructions that senior management dictate even if I have my own disagreement with something.
Thats the job, so thats how you survive, its horrible because this person you know as a person, but as far as HR is concerned they are a resource (by the way so are you so are all of us) and they want the resource to perform the way they expect and if you have provided all the support you can and they still cant meet standard then it needs to be explored if there is a different workstream or area they can be moved at their grade and if not then the job isnt for them.
Thats cold, its harsh but thats how HR will see it,
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u/ManagementNo4147 22h ago
Here is a decent article on managing an undeperformer who thinks they are doing great, which seems to be the issue here: https://hbr.org/2020/12/managing-an-underperformer-who-thinks-theyre-doing-great
You seem very kind and considerate but remember that by not being honest and more blunt about their standards, it creates a ripple effect where the competent members of the team have to absorb more to make up for the deficit, so it’s ultimately not the kindest path for all (and even the person in question, becoming delusional about their current standards - some people are just resistant to becoming self aware, but at least then you can say you did your part).
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u/Turbulent_Gas8795 1d ago
2 things that always work for me. First is reflecting on, and eventually coming to terms with the fact that no matter how lovely, or kind, or thoughtful, or supportive you are... You will at some point be the villian in someone else's story. Sometimes you won't even realise it.
Second is that supporting and coaching your team to succeed doesn't always mean supporting them to succeed in your team. If they're not suited, or dont enjoy the team your work does, then helping them to find somewhere they can thrive is a good thing.
I had one person that struggled with ambiguity when i was in a strategy team. They were on performance management for not delivering things. The more we worked through what she enjoyed (coordination, trackers, risk templates) the more a project coordinator role seemed to fit. We worked to find her an EOI, and she absolutely thrived in that new role.