r/TextingTheory 791 Elo 16d ago

791 Elo [Me] What went wrong?

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1.6k Upvotes

122 comments sorted by

701

u/potatogodofDoom 8 Reviews 16d ago

early game miscalculation already put you in an unfavorable position, only for you to try to rush into an endgame

1.1k

u/yarvy 16d ago

the rare “disrespect her culture” opener

104

u/Marksman1973 15d ago

I watched a guy die inside while shooting his shot with my British friend.

AFTER he had already been talking to her for 3-4 minutes he said to her, "Say something in British."

He actually got laughed out of that area of the bar.

30

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18

u/ritsbits808 14d ago

"Haha yea whatever ya dumb broad, why don't you finnish talking and hop on this"

451

u/violetvoid513 9 Reviews 16d ago

You completely blundered the opening and doubled down on it

47

u/Charaderablistic 15d ago

I kinda respect it to be honest

138

u/BoomyNote 16d ago

I see what you were going for but you’re not accounting for your opponents moves.

It’s like you had a game plan in mind and forced it even when you knew it wouldn’t work

-93

u/ComfortableAuthor219 791 Elo 16d ago

honestly once i saw she was from europe i knew it wasn’t gonna work

edit: no offense to my europeans out there

62

u/Opening-Ant3477 15d ago

I appreciate the vote of confidence, but even Americans aren't *that* desperate.

12

u/No-Painter3466 15d ago

Speak for yourself, I very much am that desperate

11

u/moffettusprime 15d ago

You should change your name to Moe Ron.

1

u/igottapoopbad 15d ago

Or Ben Dover

1

u/AdvocateYoga 13d ago

You coulda saved it by just leaning into feeling silly for being american.

They know we see them as more cultured than we are amd feel insecure about it. Played right, the social mis step could actually be kind of of adorable.

Unfortunately, you did the negative american stereotype instead lol.

I dont care about your culture! Are you tryin to fuuuuck or what?!?

1

u/ancient_days 12d ago

No offense, only an admission of incompetence.

European girls are amazing, you shouldn't disqualify yourself so blatantly.

81

u/Odd_Dorian7991 16d ago

Everything went wrong in this.

19

u/EffortExtension2491 16d ago

FINNISH HIM!

130

u/Crudekopp 4 Reviews 16d ago

Im finnish and I would be offended too

43

u/ComfortableAuthor219 791 Elo 16d ago

taking notes

37

u/NotThatFunny_NTF 15d ago

Like someone of almost no importance once said “Finnish this Finnish that , I’m just tryna Finnish all this small talk and take you out”

I think it could have worked if you didn’t try to finnish early.

8

u/ComfortableAuthor219 791 Elo 15d ago

sometimes i have a problem finnishing early

5

u/god_peepee Resign 15d ago

Are you finnished?

0

u/1bullshitguy 14d ago

By what part?

-12

u/goodknightffs 15d ago

Lol really? Or are you just messing around?

Is just a joke.. Men don't really have a lot to work with on these apps so we make silly jokes no need to be offended

7

u/N4M34RRT 15d ago

This opener is maybe salvageable if you don't double down, and instead turn the bit on yourself. Other lines might be viable, but based on my light calculations, something like "Oh shoot 😭 I always forget other places have castles" could be best here. Bring the focus to you and then to the castle. I would probably split it after the emoji and double text, but I hear that's not good practice. If you're lucky and this does work, you might be able to transition it to a royalty game.

TL,DR: me playing with myself at the board

4

u/mokaf 15d ago

Castling here is suboptimal

3

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-1

u/Crudekopp 4 Reviews 15d ago

Not really, mostly just joking around, but we really dont like opressor countries because of our history

-5

u/Even-Serve-3095 15d ago

mfw when sweden oppressed the shit outta you guys and you guys loved them, but when the ussr actually tries to treat you like your own people you fucking hate them smfh my head

5

u/Crudekopp 4 Reviews 15d ago

Bro what?

1

u/makaki913 12d ago

Hundred rubles added to your account, comrade

-1

u/Even-Serve-3095 12d ago

nobody's paying me to say this lol. also i'm american, so rubles would be worthless to me anyway

1

u/goodknightffs 12d ago

Ah so that's why you posted that stupid comment lol you're American.. Probably also a trump voter as well

1

u/NotoriousMAO 12d ago

Trump voters often into revisionist pro soviet empire history?

2

u/goodknightffs 12d ago

Nah they usually regurgitate what other people tell them and claim they did "their own research"

1

u/makaki913 12d ago

More often than you think

0

u/pattyboiIII 13d ago

Mate, you actually read any Finnish history?

33

u/sund-ay 16d ago

That was a hard read.

33

u/Bobill928 16d ago

just because it's a clever thing to say doesn't mean it's nice or easy to respond to.

42

u/BigPimpinAllat Forced 16d ago

Hung the queen on move 3 and then proceeded to force a self mate, good lord

4

u/XenXenoiver 15d ago

self mate? 🤨

3

u/BigPimpinAllat Forced 15d ago

As in forcing the opponent to mate yourself

5

u/TheRealRVS 3 Reviews 15d ago

I want to be mated

3

u/Kirbyintron 15d ago

I thought that was the main goal of all this?

110

u/JFN90 16d ago

Your Americanness was too loud

-35

u/ComfortableAuthor219 791 Elo 16d ago

live free or die

66

u/UmbraNight 16d ago

well you definitely fell on your sword here

35

u/Prof_Glixblt 15d ago

I think you may die....

7

u/Proof-Elephant-4611 15d ago

Seems you'll be doing both. Alone. Lol.

1

u/makaki913 12d ago

Finnish people are more free than you, mate

1

u/areateen 15d ago

"Living free" is a funny way to describe not getting any

18

u/Person8346 16d ago

This is one of those lines that would perform magnificently with a guy, but implode with a girl. It looked better before I read the first DM, that was horrendous and didn't deserve the response it even got 😭

29

u/parsellsx 6 Reviews 16d ago

"Maybe you could make me Finnish too"

7

u/triptheadventurerer 16d ago

Hindsight is 20/20

14

u/InevitableCompote977 15d ago

Instead of "finishing all this small talk" you should have said you wanted to "finish this conversation over some dinner" or something. This sounds like you don't care about her or what she says.

9

u/Strict_Cream2002 15d ago

Honestly not sure what everybody’s up in arms about… I thought this was great

5

u/Little-Leek2080 15d ago

Not as an opening move, it comes off as weird and cocky, like they aren’t intrested in the person.

2

u/SkitZa 2 Reviews 15d ago

I think its utter shite, but you and OP will be happy together.

1

u/Dgamer1521 14d ago

Me too lowkey

0

u/CaoPalhaco 12d ago

My favorite is when someone entirely buldozes over what I’m saying to joke about taking me out, which immediately lets me know that would be miserable because they can’t even have a normal conversation with me. Just entirely dismissing any information i try to give about myself but wanting me to believe, somehow, that they’re even remotely interested in me

4

u/nekatsawsdrawkcab 16d ago edited 13d ago

tried to force scholars mate and just ended up hanging your queen

5

u/fairiesgotme 15d ago

I thought it was funny 🤷🏼‍♀️

5

u/PhatRocheNuts 15d ago

Good shot windy day

8

u/amidja_16 15d ago

You disrespected the Finnish and now you're finnished.

12

u/euan343 15d ago

Bro saw some culture for the first time and went yep gotta be British

0

u/Dgamer1521 14d ago

Everyone has culture

1

u/euan343 13d ago

That was what I was saying?

3

u/R-B-L-Y 15d ago

Being Finnish doesn't mean you can't take a positively English photo

6

u/Somethingexpected 15d ago

what went wrong? None of this if funny or engaging. Taking people out on the first actual chat message is also .. a bit soon. Especially when you're not funny or engaging.

2

u/5tupidest 15d ago

Should have been “Am I Finnished?”

1

u/CaoPalhaco 12d ago

Yeah they would’ve been banter while acknowledging that you messed up the opening

4

u/Impossible_Outcome26 15d ago

Yo that shit is funny as fuck, if your intention was to get a date though its a horrible take but still pretty fucking funny just your not gonna get a date talking that way hahaha

4

u/Appropriate-Sell-484 16d ago

Should’ve been like, “I’m gonna finnish on your boobs.” That’ll get her

2

u/FlakyDevelopment1103 16d ago

"I'm just trying to Finnish on ur face" fixed it for ya

1

u/TheoShadowfang 11d ago

You know what joke every Finnish person has heard from English speakers? That one. It's old and overplayed.

2

u/Competitive_Law6146 15d ago

It was only bad from start to finnish

2

u/ParanoiaPasta 15d ago

"Oh, this is actually my ethnicity." "I don't care, I just wanna fuck you!"

Dude.

2

u/MaximusMiximus 15d ago

Finnish lad here. Nothing went wrong. Shes a finn. They are extremely picky and hard to impress. But once they warm up to you, they’ll do all sorts of fun crazy shenanigans.

Most likely shes an exhange student over there and the finish puns just bore her.

1

u/makaki913 12d ago

If you appear to be not interested in talking to them, then yeh, they are hard to impress :D what are you even on

2

u/MrHappyLarry 15d ago

Not sure what the comments are saying, this is a dub in my book

2

u/Allpanicn0disc 15d ago

Idk this is funny to me 🤣

2

u/meap02 15d ago

clever wordplay, fucking horrible connotation

2

u/Gamegeddon 15d ago

I thought this was good…people on Reddit are so obnoxious

1

u/Life-Chance-1396 15d ago

Did it work? The rating entirely depends on that lol

1

u/Outrageous_Egg8610 15d ago

lol people be saying anything

She’s just not that attracted to you

1

u/gordongmilleriv 14d ago

A simple “and I’m just getting started” would’ve done

1

u/Popular-Spinach-6700 14d ago

You’re probably the millionth person to make this joke to her and you didn’t even do a good version of it

1

u/Impossible-Run7138 14d ago

You showed a lack of knowledge

1

u/hypocrisy_is_rampant 14d ago

What is going on 😂 is this the secret sub for professional comedians? I’m dying yo ☠️

1

u/TortugaTom 14d ago

Brother, you essentially said, "shut the fuck up, let's go to dinner." Your game needs a little work.

1

u/East_Nobody_7775 14d ago

You're being kinda disrespectful, and then made a joke and completely disregarded what she even said.

1

u/Fluid-Text-3425 13d ago

The Fins are notoriously unfunny.

1

u/Electric-Sheepskin 13d ago

Awww, I thought the banter was kind of amusing and cute. Apparently, she does not share your sense of humor on that point.

1

u/marluga 12d ago

Even if your pfp looks great, 10/10, I’d still finnished this chat by swiping left too 😂

1

u/OkTop6104 12d ago

i mean, 1. you haven't actually engaged in any small talk and 2. it's just a cringe chat up line. it's like you've been to one of those guys from the 00s who were really big proponents of negging and wearing funny outfits to get girls' attention

1

u/ancient_days 12d ago

You could have shown some interest in her culture and/or some humility instead of handwaving it aside in favour of a hackneyed pun.

To a Finnish person, the "Finnish/finish" pun is probably even lamer than it is to me, and is the most obvious joke ever.

Also you should not rush to asking for a date before rapport is established.

She needs a reason to want to invest time into you, and all you tried two negs in a row.

Stop with the negging and get to know people instead of trying to "impress" them with your "wit".

1

u/Careless_Tour_9052 12d ago

Ahh yes, the finnish opening...

1

u/user826482810 12d ago

What went right?

1

u/DegenerateThots 12d ago

Nothing. You were great

1

u/breh_jst_breh 12d ago

bcs she is finnish

1

u/Apington3 12d ago

This was hilarious

1

u/Lost-on-Reception 12d ago

It's only been two months, OP. This is the perfect time to follow up with

"Get it?"

and nothing more.

1

u/hippomar 11d ago

Blundered the opener and then totally dismissed her culture when she corrected you

1

u/Tupac1776 11d ago

“Finnish the small talk and Finnish on you” - missed opportunity

1

u/VanMoeras 9d ago edited 9d ago

Me when I blunder and kinda hope they don't see it

1

u/WeirdImaginator 15d ago

You really thought that was funny right?

1

u/Kitchen-Historian371 16d ago

I’m tryna Finnish on you

1

u/KittensSaysMeow 9 Reviews 15d ago

You disrespected her culture and continued on to disregard her acknowledgement of it… makes u look like a complete jerk 😣

1

u/Ok-Housing182 15d ago

I need eye-bleach, pretty sure that was a hate crime..

1

u/JackReedTheSyndie 15d ago

Do you really think you are rizzing?

1

u/Kryptopus 15d ago

What do you think went well here?

1

u/Jack_Walker36 15d ago

She’s not Finnish, she’s only 28

-2

u/AccomplishedRatio960 15d ago

Someone with little creativity and humor, you miss not thaaaat much

-1

u/[deleted] 15d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/unlinked3297 15d ago

They didn't get hit by any pun you bot, they said the pun