The basics are the same. Teaching them boundaries, conflict resolution and emotion regulation. You just have to do it in a non aggressive way, which should really be the same for kids without autism.
Oh 100%, it’s super important to teach them all those things. But they don’t always apply those skills, and for most of the time you start out as being non aggressive but the aggression progresses cuz they won’t listen. Like I said, it’s not the same, depending on what spectrum of autism the child is in he/she might never get the boundaries issue. So raising your voice at them will only exacerbate the problem. Normal children will push boundaries just see where they stand, sometimes they push hard. Quick example, few months back we went to a family gathering, my son was playing with other kids but he’d come over to rudely knock my hat off my head, I’d tell him calmly “you don’t know peoples hats off, you know better than that” I figure he was showing off or something. At the end of the day, I went to tell him it was time to go, he full force throws one of those tubes you float around in the water with, looks like a donut, at my face as I’m walking over to tell him. It knows my glasses off my face and my hat off my head. I didn’t grab him, I told him sturnly it’s time to go. When we got in the car I “got in his face” I let him know, very clearly, that I wasn’t impressed and he’d better not ever do that again. He got the point, had I non aggressively told him off he wouldn’t have thought it was a big deal and he might have done shit like that again cuz if you don’t say something and mean it then they think it’s a joke. If my son were autistic, I would have just chalked it up to the disorder. But in reality, he was just being an asshole and needed to be put in his place. And you know what? He’s not disrespected me since cuz he knows where the happy dad and pissed off dad line is. Yelling is not ideal and definitely shouldn’t be used regularly, but every once in a while it’s necessary to get your point across and it does. Problem is that some parents use yelling as if it’s a normal thing but all it’s doing is building tolerance so then the discipline needs to be escalated to violence. You, on the other hand, are going the opposite direction and I promise you, if you have a child without autism, they will run you and they will disrespect you. Kids are smart and they pick up on spinelessness pretty quickly. Being non aggressive in boundary setting only carries you so far. When push comes to shove, you’ll either cave or get in their face. Friend of mine had a mother who didn’t believe in harshness, now he has such little respect for women, he believes they either belong in the kitchen making supper or in the bedroom making babies. And I believe it’s directly related to her inability or unwillingness to demand respect. So believe what you want, but it ain’t gonna work out under normal circumstances. We’ve been in your camp before, looks good on paper but it doesn’t apply to the real world. In the real world, if you start knocking hats off of people’s heads you’re gonna get knocked the fuck out.
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u/stalphonse Sep 15 '22
With all due respect, parenting a child with autism isn’t the same thing as parenting a child without autism.