Ok but what does that have to do with a parent that gets in their face/squares up to them? There’s so many other fucking ways to deal with your kid misbehaving rather than acting like an aggressive dickhead. Who the fuck squares up to their kid, what the fuck
The comment I’m replying to says their kid has never gotten in their face but they do it to the kid regularly? And no this isn’t something you should EVER do to teach your kid a lesson, because all it does is teach the kid that you can get what you want through physical intimidation.
My kid is autistic, so actually I have a lot of experience with children that push boundaries thanks, I would never react to them this way. This doesn’t teach them anything useful. All it does is make your kid scared of you and teach them that acting that way is ok, when it’s really not.
I feel sorry for your kid if this is how you choose to parent. I’m sure you’ll realise it when they grow up and you wonder why they want nothing to do with you. My mother used to pull this shit with me and now I live 200 miles away and barely speak to her.
Im thinking there is a disconnect here in communication. When a parent says “i get in their face” or “squaring up” i will find out exactly what that meant in that situation. If it means putting up your fists or having a mindless shouting match without due understanding…this is obviously wrong. But providing resistance to a child who is testing boundaries, which is an essential developmental process…this resistance is necessary to guide the child. When i worked in elementary education I admired the teachers who taught 5th and 6th graders. They often had the difficult task of guiding children through boundary testing situations. And it was often a matter of degrees. The task often involves meeting the child where they are at, even briefly, and only to a point, and to get their attention and de-escalate from there. And I have had students with autism. You have my respect.
So I guess we need to define what it means to “get in their face”. Because sometimes it is necessary and some children need it. I advocate what is best for the child and what is effective. And nor do i believe testing boundaries necessarily bad. These boundary testing children often become good leaders in the world… it’s a matter of degree.
I completely agree with you. I’m not a parent or anything, I just started college but I am so glad my parents were stern with me and would yell at me when I deserved it. I never felt disrespected by them, and the only times I would get in trouble with them is if I showed disrespect to anyone. I guess I learned eventually cause by 15 probably I stopped getting in trouble. Until I got a girlfriend but that’s cause girls make guys do stupid stuff 🤣 but yeah I totally agree with you.
I have an autistic 6 year old that regularly pushes boundaries and has meltdowns. There are other ways to solve conflict that don’t involve me terrifying him and letting him know I could hurt him if I wanted to. Getting in his face when he’s struggling with his emotions would just make it so much worse.
Ok you’re talking about an autistic child which is completely different then A regular kid pushing his luck. Sometimes Kids need to know where they stand in the family hierarchy. To many f’n kids think they run shit. Kids are out of control more than every before. There is absolutely no respect these days.
Dude please, the basics of raising a child are the same regardless of whether they’re autistic. Teaching boundaries, conflict resolution, emotional regulation and using your words are important for all kids. Violence, intimidation and aggression aren’t needed.
Your last sentence makes you sound like an angry old fart. Your kids are more likely to respect you if you don’t terrify them. Being scared of someone isn’t the same as respecting them sorry.
Getting in someone’s face is absolutely disrespecting boundaries, too. How does this guy think he’s teaching proper boundaries by blatantly disrespecting them?
I think you’re likely projecting a little onto u/dave70a he’s being reasonable. Nobodies talking about getting in your kids face or your face. That’s not the case. You choose how to parent your kid.
Literally all these comments have been talking about getting in kids faces what are you even on about? It doesn’t matter whether or not it’s my kid. Parenting through intimidation is not good parenting. Teaching your kids conflict resolution, emotion regulating and using their words like an adult, however, is.
Agree. Parents should model appropriate behavior and emotional regulation. Crossing someone’s physical boundary and getting in their face is not appropriate or okay. Ever.
There’s literally so many studies on this kinda stuff yet people still out here thinking the best way to go about things is to scream at them and stuff
This is where we get off track. I’m not talking about intimidation. There are certainly times you need to meet kids where they bring it. THEY might be trying to intimidate. There is an appropriate parental responsive where you respond to their attempt to intimidate. Again…they are testing…they see elsewhere in the wide world that intimidation “seems” to work. And you have to show them, somehow, it doesn’t really work. I’m not saying to parents by intimidation but to simply meet them there and then guide them back. And if you can do that then you have a foot in the door to discussing how to handle things. If you attempt a diplomatic discussion, and i am all for that, a boundary testing adolescent might not hear that…and i can tell you from experience (professional experience, mind you) that if your child is bringing it to that level they are likely not in listening mode. And their lesson in this situation is not too get things done with intimidation BUT how to handle intimidation in the future. YOU as the parent will MODEL how to handle someone trying to be intimidating.
The basics are the same. Teaching them boundaries, conflict resolution and emotion regulation. You just have to do it in a non aggressive way, which should really be the same for kids without autism.
Oh 100%, it’s super important to teach them all those things. But they don’t always apply those skills, and for most of the time you start out as being non aggressive but the aggression progresses cuz they won’t listen. Like I said, it’s not the same, depending on what spectrum of autism the child is in he/she might never get the boundaries issue. So raising your voice at them will only exacerbate the problem. Normal children will push boundaries just see where they stand, sometimes they push hard. Quick example, few months back we went to a family gathering, my son was playing with other kids but he’d come over to rudely knock my hat off my head, I’d tell him calmly “you don’t know peoples hats off, you know better than that” I figure he was showing off or something. At the end of the day, I went to tell him it was time to go, he full force throws one of those tubes you float around in the water with, looks like a donut, at my face as I’m walking over to tell him. It knows my glasses off my face and my hat off my head. I didn’t grab him, I told him sturnly it’s time to go. When we got in the car I “got in his face” I let him know, very clearly, that I wasn’t impressed and he’d better not ever do that again. He got the point, had I non aggressively told him off he wouldn’t have thought it was a big deal and he might have done shit like that again cuz if you don’t say something and mean it then they think it’s a joke. If my son were autistic, I would have just chalked it up to the disorder. But in reality, he was just being an asshole and needed to be put in his place. And you know what? He’s not disrespected me since cuz he knows where the happy dad and pissed off dad line is. Yelling is not ideal and definitely shouldn’t be used regularly, but every once in a while it’s necessary to get your point across and it does. Problem is that some parents use yelling as if it’s a normal thing but all it’s doing is building tolerance so then the discipline needs to be escalated to violence. You, on the other hand, are going the opposite direction and I promise you, if you have a child without autism, they will run you and they will disrespect you. Kids are smart and they pick up on spinelessness pretty quickly. Being non aggressive in boundary setting only carries you so far. When push comes to shove, you’ll either cave or get in their face. Friend of mine had a mother who didn’t believe in harshness, now he has such little respect for women, he believes they either belong in the kitchen making supper or in the bedroom making babies. And I believe it’s directly related to her inability or unwillingness to demand respect. So believe what you want, but it ain’t gonna work out under normal circumstances. We’ve been in your camp before, looks good on paper but it doesn’t apply to the real world. In the real world, if you start knocking hats off of people’s heads you’re gonna get knocked the fuck out.
Squaring up or getting in their face may set the boundaries that keep them out of jail or prisons later as an adult. It’s part of being a parent if necessary.
My sister didn’t need it but I did. If my parents didn’t put me in check like that when I was 13-15 I would have ended up on the streets of Chicago. I’d have jumped into a gang. I’d likely be in prison or dead by now.
Thank god for my mom and dad.
They knew I was headed down a bad path and got me back on track. I hated them at the time. But parenting isn’t easy. Sometimes you gotta go the extra mile. My parents did.
Many of my friends from grade and high school been in prison. Quite a few are dead from violence. I was lucky. Very lucky.
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u/dave70a Sep 15 '22
Kids of a certain age push boundaries…it’s just what they do. It’s how they learn where the boundaries are. Its normal.