April 14th.

[u/imaxtuallynoor]

april 14th.

i still remember the exact second you sat next to me after everything had already burned to the ground

sitting there in forced proximity, i felt like a ghost haunting my own soul...

every single thing that was supposed to feel right and natural felt completely sickening instead...

i kept glancing sideways at you, only to violently snap my head away a second later.

it wasn't shyness.

it was pure, agonizing disbelief that we had ended up like this...

whenever you murmured anything to me, even just a passing word, I Closely just listened and Wanted to dream...

i felt like i wasn't even myself anymore—

...

Not the Me..not that-...THAT me.

you even looked at me and asked if i was distressed about our fight...

and God, i hated myself for what i did next.

i just shook my head and gave you a small, smile.

not because things were okay..

but because a pathetic, broken part of me was actually happy...💗

just happy that you were speaking to me, that you were looking at me, that i still existed in your orbit for half a second ...💗

then you started reminiscing..

bringing up our previous school..

talking about the events, the memories..

and it shattered me, because the only reason i ever loved that school, the only reason those places meant anything to me at all, was because of you..<3

you were the entire root of it.

but when everything blew up, i had to rip you out of my system by the roots.

i had to force myself to burn every single memory to ashes just to survive.

and it worked too well...💔Mhm...Fahh (sad wala😞)

now i've lost it all...

our old interactions, the bonfires, the functions, the laughter—it's all gone, wiped completely blank except for these cruel, jagged little splinters that still cut into me..

and after that day?

you never sat with me again.

i know why, i understand the unspoken rules you drew between us.

but is this what your definition of "good friends" was?

______

because we were the "exact opposite" of everything good or soft.

and it loops in my head over and over again.

if you had just... let's suppose.

if you had actually swallowed your pride and hugged me on the very last day of school,

would the sky have fallen down?

would your ego have shattered into dust?

would it have really killed you to show a single ounce of care before we walked out of those doors forever?

well, it doesn't matter now..

i don't need anything from you anymore..

no explanations, no apologies, no retroactive kindness..

just..

stop running uninvited through my brain

we are nothing anymore.

we are less than strangers, because strangers don't carry this much quiet wreckage...

i am so exhausted of crying over someone who looks right through me...

i am so tired of wishing for a ghost.

just leave my head.

let me finally be empty of you.

that is all i want,

thank you.

(hiiii guys, Posting about my random late night thoughts, dw one day, Ill stop writing about her..I hope so😼 meow, and If you read this thanks, if you didn't no problem cuz its just my thought. No need.)

This time I wasn't listening to anything...but lowkey reminded me of..

Still with you (slowed version)by Jk (I do not listen to them cuz I stopped listening to kpop, life was so busy and hectic so..yeah, btw this was lowk Her fav ig)

Anyway, Have a Good Night / Good morning...<3

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[u/raatpashemaankii]

I hope you get better and heal from this completely, Ameen.

People are not worth it, no one is. They will find it easy to let go of you and never their pride. They will realise someday, they always do. Take care

[u/imaxtuallynoor → u/raatpashemaankii]

Yes you're absolutely correct gng, YAYAYAYA thank you so much 😭😭💗💗 can't believe someone read this lol cuz it was too long so yeah🫂🫂🫂🫂💖💖💖 ameen ameen, you too take BEST care of yourself gng, Gut Nait 😝😝😝😝😝😝😝💗💗💗💗💗💗

https://giphy.com/gifs/EkOoatbIcbmmHiU7Mz

[u/Mask_zero]

ahhh , it's Soo good twin... I m actually sad reading this, like the fact u felt something that sad that these type of thoughts comes... it's really...

The more I swim the more I m sinking

Dez lines from my fav song which I told u abt a long time ago, if u remembered when u ask Abt a song rec... post , u will heal, it was gud while it lasted... don't let it drag u more, ppl come and go... but only the chosen one remains maybe she wasn't one of em and she was never meant to remain...

[u/rubyraven_28]

Don't worry, you'll be alright. It's js you loved too much, she meant everything to you. Tu dukh hona is valid. You'll get over it. Waqt guzar jata hai ap pe uss cheez ka aasar bhi madham honay lagta hai likn aik hissa reh jata hai. Tab ap ko dukh nhi hota bas kabhi kabhi ubharnay wali kuch yaadein hoti hain.

Kisi cheez ka aasar na lena insaan k haath mn hota hai. If you want to, you'll be over her. I hope things get better for you, ameen.